quick help needed regarding work

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Cashizslick

Cashizslick

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!
Hey everyone.

So i get tons of email regarding work and it is becoming commonplace for people to expect an immediate response to their inane emails. I need a quick, standard response that encourages people to call my cellphone if the matter is urgent.

If you have any suggestions just post em here. I plan on enabling the gmail vacation responder to issue the auto responses.

I was thinking:

Your email has been successfully delivered. If this matter requires a timely response, do not hesitate to call me directly at (xxx) yyy-zzzz. This is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE due to the large volume of emails sent to this address on a daily basis.
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That ending seems kind of standoffish to me. It might as well say;

Your email has been successfully delivered, even though I don't give a shit. If this matter requires a timely response, do not hesitate to call me directly at (800) fuc-koff. This is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE due to the large volume of crap emails I don't care about sent to this address on a daily basis.
Click to expand...

My suggestion;

This is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE. Your email has been successfully delivered & will be taken care of shortly. If this is an urgent matter, please do not hesitate to call me directly at (xxx) yyy-zzzz.
Click to expand...
 
This is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE. Your email has been successfully delivered & will be taken care of shortly. If this is an urgent matter requiring immediate attention, please do not hesitate to call me directly at (xxx) yyy-zzzz.
 
yeah that sounds a lot better... the original does sound a little fuck off ish
 
Here it is:

This is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE. Your email has been successfully delivered & will be taken care of shortly. If you are inquiring about an apartment for rent, please do not hesitate to call me directly at (xxx)yy-zzzz.
 
i might throw something in there like emails are generally replied to within 48 hours or within 2 business days.
 
reckedracing said:
i might throw something in there like emails are generally replied to within 48 hours or within 2 business days.
Click to expand...

This is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE. Your email has been successfully delivered & will be taken care of within the next two business days. If you are inquiring about an apartment for rent, please do not hesitate to call me directly at (xxx)yy-zzzz.



??? like that?

Im just thinking - giving them a time frame to expect a response might be overkill. Usually if people encounter automated systems they find a work around (aka calling me)if the matter is even somewhat important.
 
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This is an AUTOMATED RESPONSE. Your email has been successfully delivered and it will be ignored in the order it was received. If this is an emergency, please contact 911 immediately, as there is little or nothing I am going to be able or willing to do to help you via email. If you have an urgent problem and need more timely assistance, please contact me directly at (xxx)yyy-zzzz. After screening your message and determining how likely you are to be retarded, annoying or just a general pain in the ass, I might contact you to assist you with your problem. I am open to and accepting of bribes, including but not limited to: sexual favors... from attractive females only please (attractiveness will be judged by my discretion), quality bottles of liquor (top shelf only), "herbal supplements" (wink wink), etc... feel free to get creative.
 
"Odds are if you are emailing me, you are a conflict avoiding pussy. Walk your lazy fucking ass over to my cubicle and either verbalize your bullshit request or STFU and stop wasting my time. Yes, this is an automated response because I really shouldn't waste my day replying to your bullshit"
 
Where should I send the invoice for my consulting fee?
 
in my line of work I have different templates made up.

will this work at all?
Hello (name),
My name is Abel Correa and I am getting back with you on the (insert request here) that you requested information on via the internet. (name), sometimes due to system filters we do not always receive all of the information you send in. So that I can be prompt and efficient with your request please let me know if you have any specific questions. If this requires immediate attention please fee free to call me with the number provided below.

By the way, when is the best time to contact you?


I modified just a tad but you see where I'm getting at. I sell cars so some stuff may not apply :)
 
i easily get 50+ emails a day from my work. sometimes more. i had 60 one morning when i woke up due to an email virus going around lol. good thing i almost never have to reply, some i dont even read, straight to trash lol.
 
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