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Cashizslick · 01-18-2006, 03:35 PM

30 FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being born like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and
buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that
anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by yelling "Bang!"

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris.
His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips
from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse kick every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

civicious · 01-18-2006, 03:41 PM

The repostest with the mostest!

Celerity · 01-18-2006, 03:48 PM

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/locked2.gif[/img]
It's peanut butter locking time it's peanut butter locking time

peanut butter locking peanut butter locking

Battle Pope · 01-18-2006, 03:55 PM

WITH A BASEBALL BAT!

civicious · 01-18-2006, 03:59 PM

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Celerity @ Jan 18 2006, 02:48 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/locked2.gif[/img]
It's peanut butter locking time it's peanut butter locking time

peanut butter locking peanut butter locking
[/b][/quote]

peanut butter locking with a baseball bat

Cashizslick · 01-18-2006, 04:08 PM

hey whatever - i laughed

so [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif[/img]

pissedoffsol · 01-18-2006, 04:14 PM

fuck chuck norris and all posts about him. no one gives a shit

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/gives.gif[/img]

Cashizslick · 01-18-2006, 04:17 PM

^ chuck norris would whoop ur ass for that

Battle Pope · 01-18-2006, 04:20 PM

DON'T FUCK WITH CHUCK!

micah · 01-18-2006, 04:20 PM

seriously.. fuck off with the chuck norris bullshit. it was old a year ago.

pissedoffsol · 01-18-2006, 04:20 PM

I DONT GIVE A SHIT. i'll throw him back to the octogon and throw a total gym at him

Rabinzero · 01-18-2006, 04:53 PM

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/withstupid.gif[/img]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man that was hilarious!

pills_PMD · 01-18-2006, 05:22 PM

multi mod >> chuck norris is gay ??

pissedoffsol · 01-18-2006, 05:23 PM

lol [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/werd.gif[/img]

or maybe, chuck norris THREADS are gay.

his wife is hot

hcivic.com · 01-18-2006, 06:09 PM

until he hits the oct and lives hes a wash out

Silverchild79 · 01-18-2006, 10:34 PM

hi! he's 60fucking5, put him in the octagon in 1974 and he would prolly have done as well as any pure striker has ever done. 5 time US Karate Camp

Octagons exist because they are afriad to "square up" in front of chuck norris [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Lantis · 01-19-2006, 09:44 AM

Chuck Norris has actually read those. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif[/img]

He posted about it on his official website.

pissedoffsol · 01-19-2006, 10:19 AM

yeah, we know

TurboMirage · 01-19-2006, 10:31 AM

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Silverchild7 9 @ Jan 18 2006, 10:34 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Octagons exist because they are afriad to "square up" in front of chuck norris [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
[/b][/quote]

OMG hahahaha thats one i have never heard!

dveit · 01-19-2006, 10:52 AM

this thread, and entire concept for that matter, is [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lame.gif[/img]

reikoshea · 01-19-2006, 11:52 AM

well i smile at some of the comments...but thats only cause i hadnt heard like 3 of the ones up there.

DarkHand · 01-19-2006, 12:15 PM

Some people wear 'tough-guy gloves', with the tips cut off of the fingers. Chuck Norris wears 'tough-guy condoms'.

Speedracer228 · 01-19-2006, 01:31 PM

lol that one is funny

UDT · 01-20-2006, 01:30 AM

I laughed my ass off threw this whole ppost.

Silverchild79 · 01-20-2006, 02:18 AM

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TurboMirage @ Jan 19 2006, 11:31 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Silverchild7 9 @ Jan 18 2006, 10:34 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Octagons exist because they are afriad to "square up" in front of chuck norris [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
[/b][/quote]

OMG hahahaha thats one i have never heard!
[/b][/quote]

that's cause I authored it

01-18-2006, 03:41 PM	#2
civicious FüK-VTEC Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Houston, Texas Age: 23 Posts: 8,410 iTrader: 3 / 100% Ride: 07 Nissan Frontier, 90 CRX Si, 06 ZX6R racebike, chopped-out 02 Yamaha V-Star Rep Power: 189	The repostest with the mostest! __________________ CMRA #265 http://www.myspace.com/civicious AIM: greyfades

01-18-2006, 03:59 PM	#5
civicious FüK-VTEC Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Houston, Texas Age: 23 Posts: 8,410 iTrader: 3 / 100% Ride: 07 Nissan Frontier, 90 CRX Si, 06 ZX6R racebike, chopped-out 02 Yamaha V-Star Rep Power: 189	<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Celerity @ Jan 18 2006, 02:48 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'> [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/locked2.gif[/img] It's peanut butter locking time it's peanut butter locking time peanut butter locking peanut butter locking [/b][/quote] peanut butter locking with a baseball bat __________________ CMRA #265 http://www.myspace.com/civicious AIM: greyfades

01-18-2006, 04:20 PM	#10
micah Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: panama city beach, florida Posts: 3,516 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 50	seriously.. fuck off with the chuck norris bullshit. it was old a year ago. __________________ god called in sick today

01-18-2006, 10:34 PM	#16
Silverchild79 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Albany, Oregon Age: 30 Posts: 6,763 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 192	hi! he's 60fucking5, put him in the octagon in 1974 and he would prolly have done as well as any pure striker has ever done. 5 time US Karate Camp Octagons exist because they are afriad to "square up" in front of chuck norris [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] __________________ Did I just say something interesting or funny? Check out my blog for more... http://campassmore.wordpress.com/

01-19-2006, 09:44 AM	#17
Lantis Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Fort Worth, TX. Posts: 256 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 12	Chuck Norris has actually read those. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif[/img] He posted about it on his official website. __________________ <u>Current car -- '92 Honda Accord LX</u> -And it smells like strawberries thanks to some an air freshener ^.^


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01-18-2006, 04:14 PM	#7
pissedoffsol RETIRED Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Retirement Home Age: 29 Posts: 49,951 iTrader: 2 / 100% Ride: Electric Scooter Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 531	fuck chuck norris and all posts about him. no one gives a shit [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/gives.gif[/img]

01-18-2006, 04:53 PM	#12
Rabinzero Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 198 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 16	[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/withstupid.gif[/img] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man that was hilarious!

01-18-2006, 05:22 PM	#13
pills_PMD Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: New Albany, OH Posts: 4,262 iTrader: 0 / 0% Ride: 01 is300, 05 s2000, 03 rx300 Rep Power: 57	multi mod >> chuck norris is gay ??

01-18-2006, 05:23 PM	#14
pissedoffsol RETIRED Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Retirement Home Age: 29 Posts: 49,951 iTrader: 2 / 100% Ride: Electric Scooter Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 531	lol [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/werd.gif[/img] or maybe, chuck norris THREADS are gay. his wife is hot

01-18-2006, 06:09 PM	#15
hcivic.com Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Calgary Alberta canada Posts: 4,577 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 59	until he hits the oct and lives hes a wash out

01-19-2006, 10:19 AM	#18
pissedoffsol RETIRED Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Retirement Home Age: 29 Posts: 49,951 iTrader: 2 / 100% Ride: Electric Scooter Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 531	yeah, we know

01-19-2006, 10:31 AM	#19
TurboMirage Running on two cylinders Join Date: May 2003 Location: Southbridge, MA Age: 25 Posts: 18,155 iTrader: 1 / 100% Ride: 2000 Mitsubishi Lancer RPW E5 Coupe Rep Power: 338	<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Silverchild7 9 @ Jan 18 2006, 10:34 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'> Octagons exist because they are afriad to "square up" in front of chuck norris [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [/b][/quote] OMG hahahaha thats one i have never heard! __________________ Home of the RPW built 2000 Lancer CC Coupe. See what is done to the little Evo5. "If you don't like what I've done with my car, I will gladly refund all the money you put into it."

01-19-2006, 01:31 PM	#23
Speedracer228 ...... Join Date: Feb 2004 Age: 24 Posts: 1,596 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 30	lol that one is funny

01-20-2006, 01:30 AM	#24
UDT Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: california Posts: 2,016 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 33	I laughed my ass off threw this whole ppost. __________________ 97 Acura integra GS-R AEM cold air intake Apex-i N1 cat back Dc header best 1/4 15.4 ---------------------------

01-20-2006, 02:18 AM	#25
Silverchild79 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Albany, Oregon Age: 30 Posts: 6,763 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 192	<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TurboMirage @ Jan 19 2006, 11:31 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'> <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Silverchild7 9 @ Jan 18 2006, 10:34 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'> Octagons exist because they are afriad to "square up" in front of chuck norris [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [/b][/quote] OMG hahahaha thats one i have never heard! [/b][/quote] that's cause I authored it __________________ Did I just say something interesting or funny? Check out my blog for more... http://campassmore.wordpress.com/

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30 Reasons why Chuck Norris is the man