First Funny Thread of 2006!!!

[Silverchild79]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/worthy.gif[/img] to whoever wrote this
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ph34r.gif[/img] chuck norris



Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck round-housed kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

[2000Si]

Some of them made me chuckle.. but I gotta ask, wtf is up with all this Chuck Norris shit lately? I know Conan has that chuck norris clips he plays... but lately it's gone nuts.

There was someone who signed up on another board under the name chuckfingnorris and would do nothing but say shit that that article implies.

wtf is going on suddenly?

[Battle Pope]

there are 3 sites with the same premise.

"little known facts about <name>"

There is one for Chuck Norris, one for Vin Diesel, and one for Mr. T.

[dveit]

ClubRx7 is giong crazy over chuck norris. every other post or thread is chuck norris knows about j00 or some shit like that.

I don't get it. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/shrug.gif[/img]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/268.gif[/img] Funny, nonetheless.

[TurboMirage]

Chuck Norris is a college hero.

[BodyDroppedNikes]

Chuck Norris can tune Hondas even tho he has never seen one.

[Slammed89Integra]

I guess it all started in dodgeball when he made a cameo and ben stiller shouted the infamous words, FUcking chuck norris.

[StealthMode]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(BodyDroppedN ikes @ Jan 1 2006, 02:30 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Chuck Norris can tune Hondas using parts from his wicked gnarly Dodge Ram.
[/b][/quote]

Fixed

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.[/b][/quote]

Probably the only good one.

[YouKnowWhoIBee]

Chuck Norris - http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

Vin Diesel - http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php?topthirty

Mr. T - http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php?topthirty

and the website for random facts - http://www.4q.cc/

the funniest one of all is <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'><span style="color:#FF0000">Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shit themselves.</span>[/b][/quote]

[sireg]

i check out the link and this one got my vote.


Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made

[Black Widow g2]

chuck norris... he's old. vin diesel... he's retarded. mr. t.... don't nobody ever say nothin bad bout missa tee.

[Silverchild79]

LOL check out WWE Raw on USA, someone has a Chuck Norris sign!!!

[importjdmcivic]

They used to have one for Bob Saget also. My faves of Bob Saget's page are

Bob Saget masturbates with battery acid. Not because he's a badass, but because he just doesn't know any better.

Bob Saget likes his scotch how he likes his women. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.