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OldSchoolSwap · 01-14-2003, 11:05 PM

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn cop writing out a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the
ticket.

So I called him a pencil-dicked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't give a shit. My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day. It's important!

-----------------------
Joke 2
-----------------------

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office.
As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
The doctor's office erupted in laughter

90 accord · 01-14-2003, 11:17 PM

LOL. the first one is great, while the 2nd one, well, thats just

.

92b16vx · 01-15-2003, 01:57 AM

Why can't lesbians diet and wear make up?

because you can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay sitting on your face.

kyleirwin · 01-15-2003, 02:37 AM

a guy walked into a bar and said "ouch".

hahahahahahahaha.... god i'm a loser.

92CivicCx · 01-15-2003, 10:11 AM

what do you call a mexican lady with out legs?

cuntswaylow

Havok · 01-15-2003, 10:26 AM

Q: A hispanic, and african american, and an asian are all in a car, who is driving?

A: The cops

[**Disclaimer : I am not racist in anyway, but I love that joke!**]

92b16vx · 01-15-2003, 03:00 PM

What's the difference between a pizza and a (insert favorite racial slur here)?
A pizza can feed a family

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?
Anywhere else and it would be called a teethbrush

Prowler · 01-15-2003, 04:30 PM

That originally said Kentucky loser.

92b16vx · 01-15-2003, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Prowler@Jan 15 2003, 11:35 PM
That originally said Kentucky loser.

It's a joke no need to get hostile

E_SolSi · 01-15-2003, 05:04 PM

a girl goes to the store, gets Milk, OJ, Buttter.... brings it all up to the register... the guy behind her watches as she places the items on the counter, and says "so your single huh?"..... the girl looks at the items, doesnt see anything odd about them, and says"Ummm, yes actually I am, how did you know?"..... the guy replies "Cuz your fuckin ugly."

92b16vx · 01-15-2003, 05:12 PM

Holy shit ROTFLMAO

dohcvtec_accord · 01-15-2003, 05:13 PM

Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
Cuz you can't fit that much shit into a shoe.
<--- is half Italian

92CivicCx · 01-15-2003, 05:15 PM

lol

MaaseyRacer · 01-15-2003, 05:18 PM

SO a clown and a little boy are walking through the woods, and the boy says to the clown, "boy these woods are scary," and the clown replies, "your telling me kid I'm walking back by myself."

Now for some of my favorites...Hellen Keller jokes...

How did Hellen Keller burn her ear?

She answered the iron.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog kill it's self?

You would too if your name was eeeeewaaaaaawwwwoooooo.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Why does Hellen Keller only masturbate with one hand?

Because she has to use the other hand to moan.

dohcvtec_accord · 01-15-2003, 05:20 PM

How do you piss off Helen Keller?
Put a plunger in the toilet.

Prowler · 01-15-2003, 06:15 PM

Not racist or anything, but.... I'm in MT.

How do you kill an Indian village?
Blow up Walmart.

How do you kill an Indian?
Throw a Jack Daniels off a cliff.

How do you kill an Indian?
Hide his foodstamps under his workboots.

How do you get 10,000 Indians in a car?
Throw in a welfare check.
How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.

92CivicCx · 01-15-2003, 06:18 PM

we have the same joke for mexicans

92CivicCx · 01-15-2003, 06:22 PM

a mexican firefighter wife just had two baby boys what did he name em

hose a and hose b

Prowler · 01-15-2003, 06:38 PM

OldSchoolSwap · 01-15-2003, 06:46 PM

lol........ you guys are sick!

smokeshowmo2 · 01-15-2003, 06:50 PM

whats missing from a line of 600 balck men.
a 600 foot long chain and an auctionear.

new black baby doll just came out comes complete with its own welfare check 16 kids and aids.

what do u call a station wagon with 4 black men that drives off a cliff.
a waste a station wagon fits 8.

no i am not predjudice i have a color tv.

i am not predjudice i have a couple hangin from my family tree.

but really i am not predjudice so if this offends ne 1 o well lol

WetWilly · 01-15-2003, 06:52 PM

Why did the mexican chick get pregnant after school?

The teacher told her to do an essay

Silverchild79 · 01-15-2003, 07:18 PM

do you know why it's better to have sex with your 12 year old gf in the shower?? Cause when you slick her hair back she looks like she's 10!

you know my last gf called me a petifile, I told her "that's a pretty big word for a six year old"

I don't have anything against black people I think everyone should own one!

Note: Racism is bad, jokes are funny.

Havok · 01-15-2003, 07:21 PM

What do you call 2 Mexicans playing each other at basketball?

Juan on Juan.

2 gays are having sex, and the house catches on fire, who gets out alive, the gay taking it in the ass or giving it?

The guy taking it, coz his shit is already packed.

92CivicCx · 01-15-2003, 08:29 PM

a jet flying over the ocean going coming back to the us ran in to some problems with fuel so they decided to dump weight to to save on fuel... so they dumbed all the food the baggage everything to lose weight but it wasn't enuff so the captin got on the horn saying that they got to make some sacrifice in lives for the greater good. so not to be raciest we are going in Alphabetical order A for africans B for blacks C for colors... way in the back of the plane a little boy asked his mom ... mom are we still niggers?

01-14-2003, 11:05 PM	#1
OldSchoolSwap Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 99 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 15	I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn cop writing out a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-dicked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a shit. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important! ----------------------- Joke 2 ----------------------- There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my penis," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in laughter __________________ <a href=\'http://vtecnos.tripod.com\' target=\'_blank\'>http://vtecnos.tripod.com</a> Racing Impulse (racing parts for racing needs!) Yahoo IM or email me at racing_impulse@yahoo.com

01-15-2003, 05:18 PM	#14
MaaseyRacer Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: San Francisco, Ca. Posts: 2,975 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 45	SO a clown and a little boy are walking through the woods, and the boy says to the clown, "boy these woods are scary," and the clown replies, "your telling me kid I'm walking back by myself." Now for some of my favorites...Hellen Keller jokes... How did Hellen Keller burn her ear? She answered the iron. Why did Hellen Keller's dog kill it's self? You would too if your name was eeeeewaaaaaawwwwoooooo. Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman. Why does Hellen Keller only masturbate with one hand? Because she has to use the other hand to moan. __________________ 2004 Toyota Tacoma 3.4L V6 TRD Package 4WD ----------------------

01-15-2003, 08:29 PM	#25
92CivicCx Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: man+k+toe Posts: 5,168 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 67	a jet flying over the ocean going coming back to the us ran in to some problems with fuel so they decided to dump weight to to save on fuel... so they dumbed all the food the baggage everything to lose weight but it wasn't enuff so the captin got on the horn saying that they got to make some sacrifice in lives for the greater good. so not to be raciest we are going in Alphabetical order A for africans B for blacks C for colors... way in the back of the plane a little boy asked his mom ... mom are we still niggers? __________________ current cars 1996 accord ex, new dd 2000 Plymouth Voyager, wifes whip www.fivezeroseven.com

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01-14-2003, 11:17 PM	#2
90 accord Chicks dig the box Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Tucson, AZ Age: 25 Posts: 4,862 iTrader: 0 / 0% Ride: 2006 Scion xB Rep Power: 128	LOL. the first one is great, while the 2nd one, well, thats just .

01-15-2003, 01:57 AM	#3
92b16vx B happy Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Location: Location: Location: Age: 38 Posts: 13,028 iTrader: 1 / 100% Ride: dohc 95 egg Rep Power: 187	Why can't lesbians diet and wear make up? because you can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay sitting on your face.

01-15-2003, 02:37 AM	#4
kyleirwin Retired OG Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Vegas Age: 23 Posts: 2,422 iTrader: 0 / 0% Ride: Integra, Tahoe Rep Power: 44	a guy walked into a bar and said "ouch". hahahahahahahaha.... god i'm a loser.

01-15-2003, 10:11 AM	#5
92CivicCx Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: man+k+toe Posts: 5,168 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 67	what do you call a mexican lady with out legs? cuntswaylow

01-15-2003, 10:26 AM	#6
Havok Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Florida Posts: 6,826 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 84	Q: A hispanic, and african american, and an asian are all in a car, who is driving? A: The cops [Disclaimer : I am not racist in anyway, but I love that joke!]

01-15-2003, 03:00 PM	#7
92b16vx B happy Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Location: Location: Location: Age: 38 Posts: 13,028 iTrader: 1 / 100% Ride: dohc 95 egg Rep Power: 187	What's the difference between a pizza and a (insert favorite racial slur here)? A pizza can feed a family How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama? Anywhere else and it would be called a teethbrush

01-15-2003, 04:30 PM	#8
Prowler Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: B MT Posts: 3,488 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 50	That originally said Kentucky loser.

01-15-2003, 05:04 PM	#10
E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: CT Age: 32 Posts: 20,313 iTrader: 1 / 100% Rep Power: 736	a girl goes to the store, gets Milk, OJ, Buttter.... brings it all up to the register... the guy behind her watches as she places the items on the counter, and says "so your single huh?"..... the girl looks at the items, doesnt see anything odd about them, and says"Ummm, yes actually I am, how did you know?"..... the guy replies "Cuz your fuckin ugly."

01-15-2003, 05:12 PM	#11
92b16vx B happy Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Location: Location: Location: Age: 38 Posts: 13,028 iTrader: 1 / 100% Ride: dohc 95 egg Rep Power: 187	Holy shit ROTFLMAO

01-15-2003, 05:13 PM	#12
dohcvtec_accord WRX Sellout Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: The left lane Age: 32 Posts: 8,498 iTrader: 0 / 0% Ride: 2002 WRB Impreza WRX Rep Power: 100	Why is Italy shaped like a boot? Cuz you can't fit that much shit into a shoe. <--- is half Italian

01-15-2003, 05:15 PM	#13
92CivicCx Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: man+k+toe Posts: 5,168 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 67	lol

01-15-2003, 05:20 PM	#15
dohcvtec_accord WRX Sellout Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: The left lane Age: 32 Posts: 8,498 iTrader: 0 / 0% Ride: 2002 WRB Impreza WRX Rep Power: 100	How do you piss off Helen Keller? Put a plunger in the toilet.

01-15-2003, 06:15 PM	#16
Prowler Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: B MT Posts: 3,488 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 50	Not racist or anything, but.... I'm in MT. How do you kill an Indian village? Blow up Walmart. How do you kill an Indian? Throw a Jack Daniels off a cliff. How do you kill an Indian? Hide his foodstamps under his workboots. How do you get 10,000 Indians in a car? Throw in a welfare check. How do you get them out? Throw in a job application.

01-15-2003, 06:18 PM	#17
92CivicCx Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: man+k+toe Posts: 5,168 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 67	we have the same joke for mexicans

01-15-2003, 06:22 PM	#18
92CivicCx Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: man+k+toe Posts: 5,168 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 67	a mexican firefighter wife just had two baby boys what did he name em hose a and hose b

01-15-2003, 06:38 PM	#19
Prowler Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: B MT Posts: 3,488 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 50

01-15-2003, 06:46 PM	#20
OldSchoolSwap Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 99 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 15	lol........ you guys are sick!

01-15-2003, 06:50 PM	#21
smokeshowmo2 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 14 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 15	whats missing from a line of 600 balck men. a 600 foot long chain and an auctionear. new black baby doll just came out comes complete with its own welfare check 16 kids and aids. what do u call a station wagon with 4 black men that drives off a cliff. a waste a station wagon fits 8. no i am not predjudice i have a color tv. i am not predjudice i have a couple hangin from my family tree. but really i am not predjudice so if this offends ne 1 o well lol

01-15-2003, 06:52 PM	#22
WetWilly Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: California Posts: 230 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 17	Why did the mexican chick get pregnant after school? The teacher told her to do an essay

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Jokes For A Change!

01-15-2003, 07:18 PM	#23
Silverchild79 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Albany, Oregon Age: 30 Posts: 6,839 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 225	do you know why it's better to have sex with your 12 year old gf in the shower?? Cause when you slick her hair back she looks like she's 10! you know my last gf called me a petifile, I told her "that's a pretty big word for a six year old" I don't have anything against black people I think everyone should own one! Note: Racism is bad, jokes are funny.

01-15-2003, 07:21 PM	#24
Havok Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Florida Posts: 6,826 iTrader: 0 / 0% Rep Power: 84	What do you call 2 Mexicans playing each other at basketball? Juan on Juan. 2 gays are having sex, and the house catches on fire, who gets out alive, the gay taking it in the ass or giving it? The guy taking it, coz his shit is already packed.