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2003 darwin awards are in

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Dec 17, 2003.

  1. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Likes Received:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Retirement Home

    Darwin Awards 2003

    As you probably already know, the Darwin awards are awarded annually for

    the most extreme act of (occasionally terminal) stupidity -- they are now

    in for 2003.

    And now, the runner-ups:

    RUNNER-UP The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat

    cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to

    his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of

    its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a

    finger. The chef's claim was approved.

    RUNNER-UP A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

    during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had

    taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    RUNNER-UP After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

    driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

    from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,

    the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a

    free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling

    the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre

    fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    RUNNER-UP An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering

    from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

    received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see

    how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    RUNNER-UP A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

    counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the

    man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which he clerk

    promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving

    the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the

    drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a

    crime committed?)

    RUNNER-UP A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and

    carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,

    Mother-Stickers--This is a F***-up! For a moment, everyone was silent. Then

    the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over

    laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his

    gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief

    ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later

    put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers,

    this is a ****-up!"

    RUNNER-UP Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

    that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab

    some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his

    head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be

    thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window

    was made of Plexiglas The whole event was caught on videotape.

    RUNNER-UP As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

    grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman

    was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within

    minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and

    drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told

    to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,

    that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

    RUNNER-UP The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

    Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded

    cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash

    register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk

    said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked


    RUNNER-UP Kentucky Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by

    running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.

    Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the

    bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With

    the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached

    to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the

    bumper. They were quickly arrested.

    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline

    from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he

    bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled

    up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that

    the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose

    into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

    declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

    Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER. When his 38-caliber Revolver failed to fire at his

    intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber

    James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the

    barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
  2. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

    Likes Received:
    May 20, 2003
    Central, MA
    oh my fucking god. :lol: :worthy: :worthy: :lol: :lol:
  3. mdlax1

    mdlax1 Senior Member

    Likes Received:
    Jan 2, 2003
    On the Proverbial picked fence of Insanity....
    best thing i read all day
  4. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

    Likes Received:
    May 21, 2003
    San Diego, CA
    These are funny as hell. But i always wonder if they are really true, because anyone could make this shit up. Where'd you get this from, B? I wanna check out the site.
  5. kyleirwin

    kyleirwin Retired OG

    Likes Received:
    Oct 24, 2002

    :lol: , my favorite.
  6. DarkHand

    DarkHand Senior Member VIP

    Likes Received:
    Sep 30, 2002
    Chicago, IL

    And true, too.
    You DON'T take someone elses shoveled out space here in Chicago. :)
  7. JDMPlaya

    JDMPlaya Senior Member

    Likes Received:
    Aug 22, 2003
    Columbus, OH
    lol that's great, I wanna see the video of the guy throwing a cinder block and bounce back and hit him in the head,lol If they have it on video they need to post that shit!
  8. liquid00meth

    liquid00meth Senior Member

    Likes Received:
    Nov 26, 2002
    Laconia, NH
    all the stories are subject to a verification process. They are either marked verified and un-verified, and I think only the verified ones are elig for prizes. Been a fav of mine for a long time. haha.
  9. Gumbo

    Gumbo Junior Member

    Likes Received:
    Jul 28, 2003
    the darwin awards are supposed to be for aiding evloution by removing yourself from the gene pool... most of those were just sheer stupidity rather than actual darwin contenders
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