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2011 Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by reckedracing, Apr 18, 2012.

  1. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    THE 2011 DARWIN AWARDS
    You've been waiting for them, so without further ado, here are the 2011 Darwin Awards:

    Eighth Place
    In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

    Seventh Place
    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
    Sixth Place
    While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

    Fifth Place
    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    Fourth Place
    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    Third Place
    After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

    The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

    HONORABLE MENTION
    Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

    RUNNER UP
    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

    AND THE WINNER IS....
    Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

    The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'
     
  2. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    This one actually made me laugh out loud.
     
  3. Magana559

    Magana559 The Warden

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  4. efhondakid

    efhondakid My name is Byron. VIP

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    LOL at the guy who goes to the beach to look at an 8ft wall of sand.
     
  5. GSRCRXsi

    GSRCRXsi Super Moderator Moderator VIP

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    that last one sounds made up. are there sources for any of these. i loved the one where the guy got shot 23 times lolol.

    [​IMG]
     
  6. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    imno great shot by any means, but 23 out of 47 x 10 (average? per mag) is horrible accuracy.
     
  7. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    they're probably all fake
     
  8. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    what?
    23 hits out of 47 spent rounds is roughly 50%
     
  9. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    better accuracy than the NYPD
     
  10. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    I read that wrong.. i read it as 47 mags, not 47 individual rounds.
     
  11. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    we know reading comprehension and maths are not your strong suites.
     
  12. Taco15

    Taco15 I wear stretchy pants VIP

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    death by poop...aint that some shit.
     
  13. efhondakid

    efhondakid My name is Byron. VIP

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    Pretty shitty way to die. :rimshot:
     
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