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30 Reasons why Chuck Norris is the man

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Cashizslick, Jan 18, 2006.

  1. Cashizslick

    Cashizslick !i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

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    30 FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

    Rather than being born like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and
    buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that
    anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

    A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

    To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
    for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
    Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

    Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by yelling "Bang!"

    Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris.
    His reasoning? It was more "humane".

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips
    from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

    Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

    Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse kick every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

    Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

    Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

    One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
     
  2. civicious

    civicious FüK-VTEC VIP

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    The repostest with the mostest!
    [​IMG]
     
  3. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
    It's peanut butter locking time it's peanut butter locking time

    peanut butter locking peanut butter locking
     
  4. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    WITH A BASEBALL BAT!
     
  5. civicious

    civicious FüK-VTEC VIP

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    peanut butter locking with a baseball bat
     
  6. Cashizslick

    Cashizslick !i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

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    hey whatever - i laughed



    so :p
     
  7. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    fuck chuck norris and all posts about him. no one gives a shit

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Cashizslick

    Cashizslick !i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

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    ^ chuck norris would whoop ur ass for that
     
  9. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    DON'T FUCK WITH CHUCK!
     
  10. micah

    micah Senior Member

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    seriously.. fuck off with the chuck norris bullshit. it was old a year ago.
     
  11. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    I DONT GIVE A SHIT. i'll throw him back to the octogon and throw a total gym at him
     
  12. Rabinzero

    Rabinzero Senior Member

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    :withstupid:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man that was hilarious!
     
  13. pills_PMD

    pills_PMD Super Moderator

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    multi mod >> chuck norris is gay ??
     
  14. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    lol :werd:


    or maybe, chuck norris THREADS are gay.

    his wife is hot
     
  15. hcivic.com

    hcivic.com Senior Member

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    until he hits the oct and lives hes a wash out
     
  16. Capt. Orygun

    Capt. Orygun Win the Day

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    hi! he's 60fucking5, put him in the octagon in 1974 and he would prolly have done as well as any pure striker has ever done. 5 time US Karate Camp

    Octagons exist because they are afriad to "square up" in front of chuck norris [​IMG]
     
  17. Lantis

    Lantis Senior Member

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    Chuck Norris has actually read those. [​IMG]

    He posted about it on his official website.
     
  18. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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  19. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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    OMG hahahaha thats one i have never heard!
     
  20. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    this thread, and entire concept for that matter, is [​IMG]
     
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