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A Celerity Rant

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Celerity, Apr 15, 2004.

  1. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Being a Courier, Driver, or delivery guy sucks ass.

    I've been performing a few months research on the subject, and I have found quite simply no way of making any money at this profession. Which is a Shame, because it's a skilled job that deserves a harder look.

    That's the conclusion of my rant, now the meat of it:

    When I was in High School my jobs were doing delivery. I worked for a pharmacy (actually got the job a week before I got my licence) driving their van, delivering small bags of prescription drugs to shut-ins and other elderly wastoids. The Elderly don't tip, so don't even try. My pay was $7.50 an hour, in 1992. That's not bad.

    Next I went into a lucrative job as a Pizza Boy. I got $10 as soon as I walked in the door (To cover gas) and made $7.00 an hour. On top of that, I got tips. Tips were good back then. My next paragraph will state alittle something about modern tipping.

    Someone, Somewhere, in some lame ass Reader's Digest issue, wrote that a pizza delivery person should be paid a flat tip of $2. 1 Cheese pizza, $2. 8 Sicilians (Sloppy pies like that must be delivered slow and carefully) $2. 3 trips up and down stairs with kids jumping on you - $2. Of course some people will tip on a decent scale, and still few others will give you a big tip. The lesson learned - If you're offered sex as a pizza boy, TAKE IT. This is the only payment that makes the job worthwhile.

    Since I've decided to return to school (Which I no longer can, because I don't make enough money to buy even the simplest tests) I've begun a job that is low stress, and has a flexible / school friendly schedule. DRIVING !

    New to this millenium - There are some shops that offer a comission for pizzas delivered. IF they offer this in junction with 15% over minimum wage - TAKE IT. If they offer it instead of pay, tell them to fuck themselves. I know a guy driving for a pizza shop that pays $9 an hour plus commissions and tips - And he supports a family on it. I'm talking like $500 a week. There is a line of people trying to get into this place.

    As a general rule of thumb however, try this.

    Take your number of deliveries,
    Divide it by your hours,
    Factor in your gas mileage,
    Divide the whole thing by 2,
    Then scratch out all that data and write a big FUCKING 0 on the page.
    And now you have how much you made !

    Why are Delivery people getting shafted all the time? You have to have access to either a time warp, or you have to drive way too fast inorder to make any money ! Then that money is immediately reinvested in Tickets, Brakes, Gas, and Clutches. Why can't delivery people make a good living ?

    Here is what we need to do - as Honda owners. You see, Honda Owners aren't afraid of driving for a few reasons:

    We get good gas economy. We get all bent out of shape when we fill up our tanks at less than 300 miles.
    Most of us are young, in school or whatever. We need the work. "Work is Play" is a great way to sucker us into slave labor.
    Quite frankly, we are the only people out there that say "100 miles in a night ? Not a problem. That costs $4.50" While drivers of .. say... Fords are saying "100 miles ? In one shot?" Then their eyes glaze over.

    I need to tell you people this because chances are, you've considered a job in delivery / courier. Don't lie, YES YOU HAVE. You Watch Initial D, you need mods, and you have an entertainment system in your car that rivals any house.

    Don't apply for these jobs. Let delivery businesses start to sweat when they aren't getting the calls. It's time that Delivery drivers weren't getting the shaft.

    -> Steve
     
  2. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Part Two: Takumi's Revenge

    The best reason to get a job as a delivery person is to get well-practiced with your car. Do it in the snow, rain, and take this time to basically get paid for practicing.

    I left that bit of the rant out.

    -> Steve
     
  3. phunky.buddha

    phunky.buddha Admin with a big stick Admin VIP

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    Nice rant Steve! I've considered delivery jobs before- for about 5 seconds. I did the math in my head, and it really just doesn't add up. Factor in a car that needs more than regular maintenance (aka your baby), and you just can't win.

    On the other hand, I tip delivery guys very well. $15 worth of pizza to my front door, even though I only live in a culdesac at a house with a clean walkway? $20, keep it- it's yours.
     
  4. Tonyd0821

    Tonyd0821 Banned

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    did you ever get offered sex for a delivery?

    lets hear the story....
     
  5. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    :werd: :yes: :concur: :withstupid:

    especially the pizza part. some people tip change, some people tip badass tips.

    I had a delivery less than a half mile from the store, with a total of 15 something, the guy hands me 23 bucks and says keep it. :worthy:

    Today was a DAMN good day, 72 degrees, 12 runs in 6 hours. I made 50 bucks flat in tips...that has NEVER EVER happened during a day shift at my place.
     
  6. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    More than a few times, yes. Consider this social equation:

    Un chaperoned sleep over
    Girls getting into their siblings stash of pot
    No one has a car
    They have $10 between them. No tip.


    And then guess who shows up.

    It didn't happen every night, but often some MILFs would invite you in for something to eat, alittle feeler suggestion. Then they would call every thursday. Then later and later.

    My Boss said "Do whatever you want, but if you aren't here driving pizzas, then I'll hunt you down and bury you."So a driver has to get it on after hours. What you do is suggest some more food at closing time, then stop by after hours. The girls are either toasty, or the lights are off and they sobered up.

    Be sure you let the hotties know when you're working, and that "If there is ANYTHING I can do for you, call me at [such and such] night and time."

    Don't carry drugs. At all. Ever. If a drug bust night is going slow, first thing they'll do is order a pizza and ask you to for a score.

    When I drove pizzas this last time around, things were pretty exciting. I got a lot of lonely milfs, and some druggies. The Druggies are the ones to watch out for. One girl came into the restaurant and said "I wanna fuck". She's just a nympho. No money, no nothing. Not sure what worked out from that, but everyone took her in the basement (except me, I'm an angel... grumble...) but now she comes around all the time asking for food and drugs. I think she mentioned the "R" word to them, and now has everyone by the balls.

    You have to keep a mind about you, because adventure is only an inch away from Danger, which is millimeters from Disaster. In my town, the pizza boys were doing paintball fights for a while, until the cops caught on (Shooting competing drivers). We all talk on the CB and meet at Dunkin Donuts at shift's end. Of course there is comradery and competition, but all in all it's a culture that is fun to be part of.


    Opposing my argument for Pizza driving, If not for the shitty days (Every day but friday and Saturday) you can make $16 an hour driving pizzas. If you do it well, answer the phone and gain a reputation amongst customers (I give out thank-you cards and free sodas to my people) they will return it after a while. The competition means you gotta drive FAST, to get back and get your orders for the night. That's what makes it suck. You make good money for only a few prime hours, then you have to be in jeopardy the rest of the shift.

    I got my job to practice drifting my Celica. Takumi, eat your heart out.

    -> Steve
     
  7. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    To add: On a common Friday night I will make $65 in tips. Saturday a little less, and Sundays I'll work for 4 hours with $30 or so in tips. I'll go on two big "Kid's birthdays" orders.

    Weekdays Suck. It's like Gay porn, you gotta do that time before you can get the big hours. And just piss off the guys that work on Fridays until they quit.

    -> Steve

    Edit: For you Connecticut Guys: Ever hear of the local band "Smokin' Opie?" The lead singer is my boss, all the old old crew from Camp Chaos work there, and the restaurant is a hoot. I work "as needed" because he hired a bunch of babalicious chicks to drive pizzas - but they suck at it. So he calls me in, and they rope in the customers, and I get the tips :) Again, only a few hours a week. Maybe 4.
     
  8. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    :werd: If i got a delivery out in the country I'll pop the century mark getting out and back to the store. I've taken up to 18 deliveries in one night, I've made 78 bucks on one night, 64 another and I made 50 today. Time is MONEY, and working for 5.15 (now 5.25) an hour, time is everything to a delivery guy. Most week nights I work I walk out with at least 30 bucks....minus mileage (which I put on a credit card anyway) I make 11 an hour on those nights, today I worked 6 hrs, made 50 in tips and 5.15/hr. I walked out with a 13.33/hr day today...8.33/hr tax freeeeeeeee..

    But it's not all glory...tuesday I worked I think I made about 7 bucks in tips. I only worked for 3 hours but I didn't even out pace my paycheck with tip money. Oh well, it bought dinner that night.
     
  9. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    I think you can agree with me - Delivery should not be a job that is categorized with "Ding fries are done" types of jobs. It's skilled labor, takes brain, finesse, and constant managment of time. Talk about overworked and underpaid.


    Someone said "15% is a good tip !" and I said "Does a waitress have to drive to your table?". I think that Delivery should be at least a 25% tip. IF you don't wanna pay it, drive to the damned store. If tips aren't going to improve, than base salary needs to. When you have a waiter type of job, then you can waiter type of pay. Imagine if a waiter had 2 tables per hour, and they paid him minimum tip? Suddenly waitering wouldn't be such a great job at all ! Why can't a driver make enough money, and stop getting FUCKED by the masses to pay some bills, and perhaps keep an apartment ? Maybe go to school in the day, drive for a restaurant at night, and retire home at 11:00 for the next day ? Drivers should be making a regular type of pay - Between $400 and $600 a week - Enough to at least pay rent and car maintanance !

    They treat it like it's "not a real job" Which is shit. Delivery is every bit a real job.

    -> Steve
     
  10. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    OMG I think I just found my new best friend - j00.

    Every last word and punctuation mark you put into that post I agree with 10000000000000000000000000000000000000%

    My checks are usually up in the 300s....for 2 weeks work... I put 70 hours into it and don't get much back in the paycheck. It's usually because the store owner is too cheap to pay it.


    :worthy: This rant!
     
  11. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Oh man, I exploded on some regular customer this winter. During a snow storm, I delivered to the front desk of a hotel. This guy orders from us like clockwork, Minimum dinner order (it was just him) so we would let him get away with $8 orders and the such ($10 is minimum, but we don't break balls)

    So it's snowing out, the roads are clogged. I had to cut through parking lots, side streets, and take a route that took me up a plowed road so I could slide down an unplowed road. Then across traffic with a power-outaged signal light. Then I couldn't make it up the hill to the parking lot, so I parked next door and walked the food over to him.

    I got $2. I said "Listen, I know it's a lot to ask for, but I risked my life to get you a veal parm because you felt that the food from your own kitchens wasn't good enough. And you reward me with 8 quarters? " and I stormed out.

    Likewise, next storm, Someone hit my bosses car, the other driver got stuck in the woods (Speeding + Snow = dumb ass) so we had to close shop. He called and said he was stuck at work, snowed in with no car. So I went to the deli, and brought him the food in 12 inches of snow. He gave me $40, and he called my boss to sing my praises. Not all people are assholes, but I'll be damned if it's not the assholes that stick out in your mind.

    Speaking of, looks like i'm driving tomorrow. I should bring a video camera with me. Since this is a break weekend for some people, I may be getting more drunk sorority girls. Here's hopin.

    -> Steve
     
  12. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    :this thread is useless with out pics of Co-eds in skimpy clothing ordering pizza:
     
  13. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    I haven't exploded on anyone...yet...

    there was one day that I was really really pissy and I hated everyone. I took one delivery, it was kids...they gave me the change for a tip; of 9 cents.

    the next one I took was some old bitch who gave me 7 cents.

    The very next fucking delivery I took was another bunch of fucking kids that gave me 38 cents. at least with that one I broke a dollar on tip/charges (we get 75 cents per delivery)

    I think after that it got better, average for me is 1-2.xx, most people dont aske for the change change back. I did have one girl get a 9.41 order and ask for the 39 cents back, I gave her 40 and grabbed a penny out of my car to make up for it. FUcking teenagers. I swear no one without a job or under 18 should be allowed to order pizza.

    On the other side of the spectrum I took this delivery one day and the total was like 22.xx, two kids answer the door with daddy's money and i tell them the total is 23.xx and they handed me 35 bucks...being the stupid fucking retarded fucker that I am, I handed them the ten back. instead of 11 something, i got 1 something tip. I kicked myself all day for that stupidity.

    If the opportunity arises to take more than necessary and you won't get caught DO IT BY ALL FUCKING MEANS. That way when people think they're fucking you, you're fucking them and making up for gas mileage.

    The problem with people is they don't seem to realize that the only way I make any money is off of tips. Some are too cheap, some are stupid...either way I get screwed. But there are a few that I LOVE to deliver to...this guy over on Richmond, ALWAYS has like 6-7 dollar tips ready.

    I agree though, this job takes skill and finesse...we have one driver that is slow as fuck. he stands there and talks to the customers, he drives like 30 over but I can still get back to the shop before him to take more deliveries.

    Case in point: one night we both closed, I took 14 runs and walked out with 41 in tips/charges. He took 13 runs and walked out with 17 dollars... Now, with 13 runs at .75 cents per run he should have made 9.75 in delivery charges, so either he wasn't gettin tipped shit (which I would believe) or he can't count money and hands back too much change to the customer. (say it's an 10.51 order, they hand him a 20, he might hand them back a ten spot, etc) Shorting yourself 51+/- cents over 13 runs can seriously fuck up your tips.

    Luckily I graduated math class...I know how to count and subtract...I had some bitch try to pull some shit on me once... the order was 23.xx dollars, she handed me 40 and goes so my change should be 22 right? I stood there thinking why would you hand me 40 if the change would be more than half of that? I was like uh no, it'd be 12.xx. She musta been embarrassed and said I want 12 back. So I got the change in tips...I think it was 48 cents? That ROYALLY pissed me off because she was WAAAAAy out in the middle of fucking nowhere on our delivery cut off line. IF I see her call again, I'm going to let someone else take it.
     
  14. Guy

    Guy Senior Member

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    :withstupid: :D
     
  15. tab

    tab Super Moderator

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    I delivered for five years. Ocean Palace Restaurant, chinese food. I agree with you guys. I know this fucking town better than the cops. I'd take deliveries for 20-30 miles in any direction for a price. The owners would charge more, and I'd do it, but that long drive would kill my tips. It wasn't unusual for me to take 20+ deliveries in four hours, by myself. This means extreme management. Walking out with 3-5 orders at a time, and making sure everyone got their food on time, while hot, and money was counted properly. I think route planning is the most important part of this. I could make a single swoop of town and deliver all over the place. Some of the others criss crossed everywhere and got lost.

    Delivery jobs are ok for school, and alright as a second job also. Free food, they supplied the car and gas, wages+tips. I didn't do any physical labor outside of the deliveries. The car they supplied me was a 96 Honda Civic, all black two door. It came to me with<20 miles. I put 50,000 fucking miles on that car. I learned to double clutch, power shift, and generally beat the fuck out of it. It would do 35 in first, 65 in second, 100 in third, and I only took it up to 110 in fourth before I had to slow down. Great car. That job changed my outlook on imports forever.......... :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  16. Tonyd0821

    Tonyd0821 Banned

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    underage 16 year old girls at a sleep over with only 10.00....

    lets hear more of that story.... :lol:
     
  17. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Jesus Revolution, How the hell do you make ANY money ?!

    Here Clayton:
    [​IMG]

    -> Steve
     
  18. tab

    tab Super Moderator

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    kind of disturbing, but funny. :p
     
  19. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    Co-ed's...as in like college co-ed's <_<


    not something you would find in an elementry school......

    I'm sick...but not that sick dude.... :unsure:
     
  20. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    I drive like fucking mad and i get back to take as many deliveries as possible. Normal evenings that are semi busy I still make roughly 30-40...and I used to work 6nights a week before I started this other job at 9/hr...basically i'm a custodian at a mall food court, and no i don't speak spanish. :p :lol:
     
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