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A few funnies.

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Doc_G, Jun 7, 2007.

  1. Doc_G

    Doc_G Rude, Lewd, usually Nude

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    Some of you may have heard these.. some of you may not. Either way here ya go:

    [FONT=Verdana,]A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

    "Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

    "There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

    "What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

    "Gold of course," says the man proudly.

    The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
    [/FONT]




    [FONT=Verdana,]The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

    "Of course, my son," said the priest.

    "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

    "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

    "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

    "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

    "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

    "Of course, my son," said the priest.

    The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
    [/FONT]

    Enjoy:cool:
     
  2. phyregod

    phyregod !!YTINASNI

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    :thumbsup:
     
  3. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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  4. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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  5. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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  6. Doc_G

    Doc_G Rude, Lewd, usually Nude

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    A couple more:


    A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
    ''NO!'' yelled the blonde.

    The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.

    ''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.

    Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

    ''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.

    ''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''
    The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''



    [FONT=Verdana,]A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

    The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

    She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

    The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
    She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
    [/FONT]

    enjoy
     
  7. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    haha.. nice.. :lmao:.. those are getting emailed to some friends..
     
  8. Black Widow g2

    Black Widow g2 *princess*

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    and he's the one with the blade. ouch.
     
  9. phunky.buddha

    phunky.buddha Admin with a big stick Admin VIP

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  10. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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  11. SHOGUNOVDDRK

    SHOGUNOVDDRK New Member

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  12. Doc_G

    Doc_G Rude, Lewd, usually Nude

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    Yet more for your amusement::D


    [FONT=Verdana,]The 75-year-old groom, with the young wife, caused a lot of [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]attention as he checked into the resort hotel. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,]The following morning, the old boy came strutting into the dining [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]room, lookin' great with a big smile on his face. He proceeded to [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]order an enormous breakfast. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,]He laughed and joked and was in obvious good spirits, whereas his [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]young wife, who came into the room a half hour later, looked worn [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]out. She ordered coffee in a voice so weak the waiter had to ask [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]her to repeat the order. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,]The old man finished his breakfast, excused himself and left for [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]their room. This gave the waitress a chance to ask the bride, [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]"Honey, I can't figure it out. The old geezer, your husband, looks [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]like a million and you look like two cents. What's wrong?" [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana,]"That guy double-crossed me," the bride said. "He told me he'd [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]saved up for fifty years! And all the time I thought he was [/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana,]talking about money!" [/FONT][FONT=Verdana,];)[/FONT]


    One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it
    will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

    "Four hundred Eighty dollars," the dentist says.

    "That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper
    way?"

    "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can
    knock the price down by $160."

    "That's still too expensive," the man says.

    "Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip
    the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down by
    $120."

    "Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

    "Well," says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my
    students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $150."

    "Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!":ph34r:

    Prices adjusted to reflect CURRENT pricing.

    btw dveit your ins is horrible... 500.00 for wisdom tooth removal?
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2007
  13. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    You can tell that joke is old as hell because it cost me like $500 to get my wisdom teeth removed.
     
  14. phyregod

    phyregod !!YTINASNI

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    Hrmm, is it required that jokes are adjusted for inflation?
     
  15. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    Yes, it is an essential.
     
  16. SHOGUNOVDDRK

    SHOGUNOVDDRK New Member

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  17. Doc_G

    Doc_G Rude, Lewd, usually Nude

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  18. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    "$120" knock the price down to "$150". The joke also took about 8 years to tell. :)
     
  19. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    I was just kidding about the inflation, I could care less, it just illustrated how old the joke was.

    As far as my wisdom teeth, I had to have all four of them surgically cut out.

    Nonetheless, the joke was funny. :D
     
  20. Capt. Orygun

    Capt. Orygun Win the Day

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    word, my surgeon put me out with an IV before the procedure. Never felt so fucked up in my life when I came too, I was ready to party
     
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