a new toy for XMAS

[Celerity]

I have a friend who is a freelance mechanical engineer. He has been hired to design two such sex aid devices. These devices are intended for extremely fat people.

You can't really sell a product "For slovenly fat fuckers" it seems. So they market them as regular sex products.

Make no mistake. This device is for the fattest of fatties. And by the looks of the other products on the market (I helped my friend research this) the price and build quality of this device is also for very poor, very fat pork-people. A proper fattie-smack chair is over $1000 typically. It's a series of self adjusting bars and levers that (And lemme know if you heard this one before) "Seems like you're having sex in zero-gravity". I made that one up, HAH.

So before you go thinking this is neat, it's not. It's not even intended for most of the people on this forum - because it's true target audience is one that can't even fit in a Honda. Maybe people the size of a Honda.

Now that you know that, imagine that device bouncing and boinging 600 pounds of screaming and sweating meat. Merry christmas indeed.

Yours truly,
-> Uncle Cel.

 

[92civicb18b1]

that put the ugliest thought in my head...

 

[Celerity]

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that put the ugliest thought in my head...

With the way my mind has been working this week, I'm surprised I haven't gotten another warning on my account for "Stark visualizations" or "Generally unacceptable concepts".

No, I get this racist thing instead for something I said about Haitians.

 

[Battle Pope]

Haitians piss me off.

Yeah, Steve should get a warning for making me recall that scene from Orgasmo.

 

[JDMPlaya]

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that thing looks bad ass... i'ma ask my girl if she wants to buy one but of course not until those damn 6 weeks are over after she has my son.

we waited like a week, she was cool

but she was only in labor for about 5 minutes, he came out really quick

i dunno if thats a good thing....

There was nothing wrong with my son rather than being born 4 weeks immature..Perfectly fine

The reason being from the doc was that she carried him low..

 

[formby]

ohh

 

[EGProject]

Celerity, you put a whole new, more twisted spin on my major.

Thanks for ruining MCE for me.

 

[SlushboxTeggy]

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Celerity, you put a whole new, more twisted spin on my major.

Thanks for ruining MCE for me.

he ruined your major, so what. my gymnast freshman is on her way over and as i have sex im going to get terrible images in my head and go limp. whats with all the terrible visuals lately?

 

[Celerity]

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Celerity, you put a whole new, more twisted spin on my major.

Thanks for ruining MCE for me.

he ruined your major, so what. my gymnast freshman is on her way over and as i have sex im going to get terrible images in my head and go limp. whats with all the terrible visuals lately?

It's the skills that pay the bills. Sometimes you gotta design a fatty fuck device.

On that topic: for Slushy:

Look here!!! do you want to see the boob of the bean bag? WHY DO YOU ESCAPE!!!!!!

ALRIGHT! this is lance betty and chad. betty has a ham arm. chad loves her blob belly!!! BLOBBLOBBLOBBLOB oh! belly go back inside the shirt!!!!!

And my personal favorite:

"Hooker pig says 'GRAVY PLEASE'"

Dude, you get two people that size doing it and you can imagine the need for a machine. The flailing and bouncing ham-arms and clapping flab makes enough air pressure to blow out the windows. Those beef curtains flapping together so hard as to make lightning and thunder - yet muffled under 14 inches of melted-butter-fleshy thighs. Like putting 2 globs of potatoes on a string of firecrackers.

Then, when the fatties are done, they realise they never took off their underwear.

Have fun with that sex.

 

[silver]

Congrats. You've officially killed my penis :squint:

 

[Cashizslick]

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I have a friend who is a freelance mechanical engineer. He has been hired to design two such sex aid devices. These devices are intended for extremely fat people.

Yours truly,
-> Uncle Cel.

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this device throws the whole "excersize" aspect of sex right out the window.

its for lazy people .

I new it!

 

[EGProject]

Well, I guess it's income....whatever, I just deal with limits, specs and stresses - not like I need to see the fat fucks doing it.

 

[brian11to1]

thats funny. i guess its for the lazy fuck fiends?

 

[Slo86GT]

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that thing looks bad ass... i'ma ask my girl if she wants to buy one but of course not until those damn 6 weeks are over after she has my son.

we waited like a week, she was cool

but she was only in labor for about 5 minutes, he came out really quick

i dunno if thats a good thing....

There was nothing wrong with my son rather than being born 4 weeks immature..Perfectly fine

The reason being from the doc was that she carried him low..

You mean PREMATURE?

 

[Sweet InStinct]

I think im gonna adopt..........

 

[formby]

if you do make sure they arent american....we dont need any of us converted to canadians for no good reason...









.j/k

 

[92civicb18b1]

I know it can't be the same as having your own, my father had adopted a mentally challenged kid who had an anger problem, but he was already 13 and a BAD kid.

 

[formby]

what happend to him...?

 

[reckedracing]

Dude, you get two people that size doing it and you can imagine the need for a machine. The flailing and bouncing ham-arms and clapping flab makes enough air pressure to blow out the windows. Those beef curtains flapping together so hard as to make lightning and thunder - yet muffled under 14 inches of melted-butter-fleshy thighs. Like putting 2 globs of potatoes on a string of firecrackers.

Then, when the fatties are done, they realise they never took off their underwear.

Have fun with that sex.

you go to hell and die...
you just ruined my lunch, bastard...

 

[SlushboxTeggy]

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Dude, you get two people that size doing it and you can imagine the need for a machine. The flailing and bouncing ham-arms and clapping flab makes enough air pressure to blow out the windows. Those beef curtains flapping together so hard as to make lightning and thunder - yet muffled under 14 inches of melted-butter-fleshy thighs. Like putting 2 globs of potatoes on a string of firecrackers.

Then, when the fatties are done, they realise they never took off their underwear.

Have fun with that sex.

thank god i had the sex and already ate a meal today before i looked at this thread again. you should start writing or something, you have way to much creativity to be grossing us out.