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American "Progress"

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Capt. Orygun, Nov 27, 2006.

  1. Capt. Orygun

    Capt. Orygun Win the Day

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    American progress...We are in trouble!

    >

    >> Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

    >>

    >> 1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes

    >> to his car and gets his to show Jack.

    >>

    >> 2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail

    >> and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for

    >> traumatized

    >> students and teachers.

    >>

    >> Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

    >>

    >> 1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end

    >> up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody

    >> expelled.

    >>

    >> 2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests

    >> Johnny and Mark. Charge

    >> them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

    >>

    Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

    >>

    >> 1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal.

    >> Sits still in class.

    >>

    >> 2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School

    >> gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

    >>

    Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad

    >> gives him a whipping.

    >>

    >> 1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to

    >> college, and becomes a successful businessman.

    >>

    >> 2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse.

    >> Billy removed to foster care

    >> and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that

    >> she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison.

    >> Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

    >>

    Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

    >>

    >>

    >> 1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the

    >> smoking dock.

    >>

    >> 2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations.

    >> Car searched for drugs and weapons.

    >>

    Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

    >>

    >> 1973 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a

    >> special school for expectant mothers.

    >>

    >> 2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies

    >> the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion

    >> without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and

    >> told to be more careful next time.

    >>

    Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

    >>

    >> 1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

    >>

    >> 2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper

    >> articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a

    >> requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit

    >> against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English

    >> banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up

    >> mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

    >>

    Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July,

    puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

    >>

    >> 1973 - Ants die.

    >>

    >> 2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with

    >> domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from

    >> home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list

    >> and is never allowed to fly again.

    >>

    Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.

    >> He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

    >>

    >> 1973 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

    >>

    >> 2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job.

    >> She faces 3 years in State Prison.
     
  2. reikoshea

    reikoshea HS Troll...And Mod Moderator VIP

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    damn a silverchild thread i almost 100% agree on. (cept the abortion thing...while its right there is something to be said for 18 year olds not reproducing).
     
  3. TommyTheCat

    TommyTheCat Gonzo Scientist

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  4. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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  5. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    nixon > *

    or maybe it was cuz jimmy hoffa was still around :p
     
  6. 89crxzc

    89crxzc I provide inspiration!

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    i agree, ten years ago in middle school i would have got detention for fighting, now they expel you, and the pregnancy thing hits the dot with what my granpa said what happened back then.
     
  7. TommyTheCat

    TommyTheCat Gonzo Scientist

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    I like my versions better, gotta zazz it up a bit. Sorry, but I wrote these kinda quick, not my best work :( (im no writer anyways)

    >>American progress...We are in trouble!
    >
    >> Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
    >>
    >> 1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes
    >> to his car and gets his to show Jack. Jack goes out hunting and kills
    >> a child because a stray bullet enters private property.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
    >>
    >> 1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end
    >> up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody
    >> expelled. They go on to college and join a fraternity. They brutally
    >> mutilate a bum, together.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
    >>
    >> 1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal.
    >> Sits still in class while the Russians initiate Global Thermonuclear War.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad
    >> gives him a whipping.
    >>
    >> 1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up, goes to
    >> college, and becomes a businessman. Already confused,the beating
    >> drove Billy into a homophobic, closet-queer whose shaky marriage
    >> is founded on untrust and even his kids hate him. He takes his own
    >> life by sleeping pills.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.
    >>
    >> 1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the
    >> smoking dock. The end...yeah, no, Mark's safe.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.
    >>
    >> 1973 - 5 High School Boys leave town. "Gangbang" Mary does her senior year at a
    >> special school for expectant mothers. Unwed and stricken with 7 children, Mary
    >> is stabbed by a shiv in prison after attempting to sell crack and her body to
    >> local high school kids.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
    >>
    >> 1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
    >> Pedro changes his name to Carlos Mencia. Becomes the most hackneyed
    >> comedian in the US. Race jokes become unfunny.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July,
    >> puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
    >>
    >> 1973 - Ants die. Then cats, dogs, infants, civilizations. The
    >> anti-christ is ignored, allowed to fester and explode.
    >>
    >> Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.
    >> He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.
    >>
    >> 1973 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
    >> He gets cancer of the lungs which spreads through his entire body.
    >> RIP 1981.
    >>
     
  8. Capt. Orygun

    Capt. Orygun Win the Day

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    wow, the libs have done a really nice job brainwashing you :)
     
  9. trappd-in-859

    trappd-in-859 New Member

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    This country is going to shit. Parents aren't allowed to disipline their kids, everything has to be PC or you are a racist. Not to mention the future of this country are a bunch of spoiled pussies.

    In less than 20years kids will be walking around in padded suits and all writing utensils will be outlawed.
     
  10. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    I'm going to hit my kids just like my parents did. Not on every ocassion, but when warranted. I'm going to ackowledge the fact they go out drinking and smoke a little weed. Although I won't approve, I'll be understanding like my parents and make sure their getting their shit done and not ever driving fucked up. If that's wrong then castrate me now.
     
  11. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    well...one thing for sure....

    and this is a true story...just happened in the last few days....

    proof that people never change.



    1984-1990...me in school as a huge nerd who wanted to be a pilot, from a small..errr...very small town in NM. I had kids always pick on me, no chicks ever looked at me, I was the pathetic dumb nerd that had coke-bottle glasses....

    Fast forward to two days ago...

    I found someone from my class on myspace, and I send her an invite, she replies, we email a few times, and I catch up on a few things with the in crowd that I didn't even know about...like the hot lead cheerleader...who I emailed...still looks hot, has kids, married a state trooper, and well....my myspace account ends up on her friends list, and all of a sudden I get an email from a kid that was always...ehh...beating the crap out of me in one way or another.... he emails me that he was trying to look me up years ago, and wanted to apologize...but could never find me....so I forgave him....

    Then I look at his account....and he's nothing but a damn fight club leader somewhere in BFE, and lets just say I'm more scared of this kid now than I was when I was getting pummeled by him years ago...

    meh...lame story, but true.
     
  12. trappd-in-859

    trappd-in-859 New Member

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    Well I just hope there are more people like you. What the future generations need are authority figures who don't take shit from them, but at the same time understand where the kids are comming from, just like what you are going to do as a parent.
     
  13. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    They will also eat all beef cheeseburgers then go outside and play tackle football to burn off the calories.
     
  14. TommyTheCat

    TommyTheCat Gonzo Scientist

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    I just realize when people exaggerate things to skew reality.
     
  15. Citizen_Insane

    Citizen_Insane Senior Member

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    Yep Silver, its people like you that are ruining America, thanks for pointing it out!
     
  16. Capt. Orygun

    Capt. Orygun Win the Day

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    funny how America is "going" to shit, yet nobody wants to go back to the "good old days" either

    just seems like an attitude problem if you ask me. You got these winey zenistic (might not be a word) hippie types like Blanco, then these left wing spin doctors like (insert half of hondaswap), on the other hand Cel wants to eradicate half the world by firing nukes from his deformed arm and I don't even want to get into that disgruntled Goat guy.

    fuck all of you, I'm buying an Island and starting my own government, none of you can come

    EDIT: on second thought, black widow, JDM slut, and pink fuzy dice are welcome :)

    EDIT TO THE EDIT: Megan is invited to, bring a bottle of rum and a pizza
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2006
  17. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    That progress rocks.
     
  18. Capt. Orygun

    Capt. Orygun Win the Day

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    the idea in the statement was that if you're going downhill where you came from culteraly must have been above where you're at

    half my family are "real hippies", I was calling you a pussy brainiac
     
  19. chestercheeto48

    chestercheeto48 Senior Member VIP

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    Where do you get this crap from? all of the examples given are either over simplified or over exagerated. I want the last 5 minutes of my life back.
     
  20. Capt. Orygun

    Capt. Orygun Win the Day

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    you weren't going to do anything with it anyways
     
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