Any Amusing Jokes?

We may earn a small commission from affiliate links and paid advertisements. Terms

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool
and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep,husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that
joke,sir, you should know five things...

#1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
#2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
#3 - I'm a 6 foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
#4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde, and is a professional
weightlifter.
#5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

"Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that
joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
 
ok there a mom skunk and a mom duck and they each have a baby. one day all of them deside to go to the pond, but to get to the pond they have to cross a road. while crossing the road the mom skunk and the mom duck were ran over by a car. not knowing what to do the frightened baby skunk and baby duck deside to keep walking. then the baby duck spots a mom duck and runs up to her and starts shouting mommy mommy. the mom duck looks at the baby duck confused and says im not your mommy. the baby duck then says to the mom duck, can you tell me what i am because my real mom never did. the mom duck then replys, well your yellow and you swim so you must be a duck. so the baby skunk and the baby duck keep walking. while they are walking the skunks sees a wise owl sitting in a tree and the skunk says to the owl, mister owl could you possible tell me what i am. the owl then replys, well your not quite black your not quite white and you stink, you must be a mexican.
 
A little twisted, but if you don't like it stop bein a lil bitch.

There's a woman and a man in a hospital and the woman is giving birth to her first born. The man is helping her through it, sayin, "push honey, you can do it, come on he's almost there!" After a few minutes the baby finally comes out, the doctor holds the baby and then starts throwing it around and slamming on the table like a rag doll and the man shouts, "What the hell are you doing to my son?!" Then the doctor looks at him and says, "April fools, it was already dead."
 
A man walks into a brothel. Sits down at a table and notices a bowl of tomatoes.
Doesn't think twice about it, Thinks hmm, Hold me over a bit while I wait.
A few girls at the top of the starts get all grossed out and start yellin.
Guy looks over asks one of the women what's the matter.
A Girl replies " Those are last weeks abortions"

--
A young boy walks to a brothel draging along a dead frog on a string.
This Clerk answers the door. The young boy says I've got $50 and demands a dirty women.
Confused the Clerk asks why, the boy answers i've got my reasons.
So the Clerk finds him a dirty women, and sends him on his way.
The young boy comes down stairs, again the clerk asks why did you want a dirty women.
The boy explains well, When I get home I sleep with the baby sitter and she'll get it.
and then when my dad drives the babysitter home he'll get it. When My dad comes home
he'll have sex with my mom and she'll get it. and tomorrow when the mail man comes he'll sleep
with my mom. and that's the mother fucker who killed my frog









If I fux0r3d it up sorry I haven't heard em in a while -- think they came out of really old playboy issues
 
How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
We don't know, it's never been done!

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and United States will win it for you.

Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: A mirage.

A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for her family for dinner that night. She looked at the display of brains and saw that American brains were $4.95 per lb, British brains were $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint.
"No ma'am," answered the butcher. "That is the correct price."
"Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" exclaimed the cannibal.
"Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" replied the butcher

Q: Why do the French Smell?
A: So blind people can hate them too!

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.

Rumor has it that those French tanks have six gears, five reverse and one forward. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the forward gear comes in handy.

Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks?
A: A Frenchman

A man asks his companion, "What's the most common French expression?" His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.
 
LMAO :lol:

your gunna catch hell for those .... but i thought they were fucking great :)
 
Originally posted by dohcvtec_accord@Mar 6 2003, 10:33 AM
How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
We don't know, it's never been done!

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and United States will win it for you.

Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: A mirage.

A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for her family for dinner that night. She looked at the display of brains and saw that American brains were $4.95 per lb, British brains were $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint.
"No ma'am," answered the butcher. "That is the correct price."
"Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" exclaimed the cannibal.
"Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" replied the butcher

Q: Why do the French Smell?
A: So blind people can hate them too!

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.

Rumor has it that those French tanks have six gears, five reverse and one forward. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the forward gear comes in handy.

Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks?
A: A Frenchman

A man asks his companion, "What's the most common French expression?" His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.
Click to expand...

Ouch...you cut me real deep, man...

:lol: they were funny, though
 
Glad you didn't jump down my throat. :) I'm an EOO - Equal Opportunity Offender. I think racial/religious/whatever jokes are funny. Here, I'll even throw in a few making fun of me.

Q: Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A: You can't fit that much shit into a shoe.

Q: Why do Italians wear wide-brimmed hats?
A: So the pigeons don't shit on their noses.
 
Why are so many Italians named Tony?



When they all first came to america they stamped on their heads To NY.
(for the slower ones, to new york.)
 
Originally posted by TRuggiero_@Mar 6 2003, 09:25 AM
Why are so many Italians named Tony?



When they all first came to america they stamped on their heads To NY.
(for the slower ones, to new york.)
Click to expand...

That's awesome!!! I need to remember that one.
 
Originally posted by dohcvtec_accord+Mar 6 2003, 11:33 AM-->
dohcvtec_accord @ Mar 6 2003 said:
TRuggiero_
Click to expand...
dohcvtec_accord @ Mar 6 2003 said:
@Mar 6 2003, 09:25 AM
Why are so many Italians named Tony?



When they all first came to america they stamped on their heads To NY.
(for the slower ones, to new york.)
Click to expand...

That's awesome!!! I need to remember that one.
Click to expand...

bro, being a Tony, I've heard that only about 5,000 times. And a few hundred others. I forgot most of em. My grandpa makes fun of me cause I'm a dive master (scuba) and he says that i should watch out when walkin in my fins cause it sounds like, "wop...wop...wop."
 
I once saw a French gun on eBay. It said never fired, dropped once.
 
What sexual postion creates the ugliest kids?




Ask your mother what position you were conceived in.




Bring on the polish jokes.
 
Originally posted by dohcvtec_accord+Mar 6 2003, 11:33 AM-->
dohcvtec_accord @ Mar 6 2003 said:
TRuggiero_
Click to expand...
dohcvtec_accord @ Mar 6 2003 said:
@Mar 6 2003, 09:25 AM
Why are so many Italians named Tony?



When they all first came to america they stamped on their heads To NY.
(for the slower ones, to new york.)
Click to expand...

That's awesome!!! I need to remember that one.
Click to expand...

someone told me that this is true, i think it was my american history teacher, he was/is smart but lazy his class was on a 40 point crave
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top