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Are you a man?

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by eg6sir, Sep 17, 2010.

  1. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    THE MAN TEST

    1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah diet...Pussy.

    2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gay-lord.. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet AND tits. Anything else and you are a homo in training.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; any problem can be resolved on that same seat with due thought and no interruptions.

    5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A real man will never be heard ordering a 'decaf soy latte'. If you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

    6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and chocolate syrup, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in
    his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a bacon double cheeseburger (with large order of fries), light up a good cigar and/or hold his beer.
     
    3 people like this.
  2. Drake

    Drake Well-Known Member VIP

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    LMAO excellent.
     
  3. damien360kl

    damien360kl New Member

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  4. neonmike

    neonmike Senior Member VIP

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    #5 had me rollin
     
  5. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    yea.. i had a good laugh at that one as well.. lol
     
  6. Taco15

    Taco15 I wear stretchy pants VIP

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    I refuse to crap in a public area..... my crap stinks :lol:
    I like Caramel Mocciado
    I drive with 2 hands after every shift of my RSX


    and I have a cat named Wiggles.....I'm pretty much f-ed
     
  7. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    THE MAN TEST

    1. I don't have abs at 24.

    2. Cats blow. Plus you have a box of shit somewhere in your house.

    3. I will have the occasional lollipop from the bank, but it just chills on the side of my mouth while i crack sunflower seeds on the other side.

    4. If I have to go, I'm going. If I'm out to dinner with Megan Fox and our table is right next to the Men's room that has no door, I'm still going.

    5. Black coffee. The same way I like my tequila, the cheaper the better. If it doesn't burn or taste like hell, pussies would drink it too.

    6. I do know more than 4 desserts, but I work in a restaurant. When I don't they will be expelled from memory.

    7. I took my driving lessons with one hand on the wheel. Instructor warned me that it was cool with him, but during my test I should use two.
     
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