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Blow job etiquette

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Dustin_m, Feb 15, 2005.

  1. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

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    Blow job etiquette (by a woman)

    1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

    2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.

    3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

    4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.

    My ears are not handles.

    5 - Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?

    6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.

    7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just you can't have sex right now.

    8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.

    9 - If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

    10 -Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

    11 - If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

    12 -No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

    13 - No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

    14 - When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

    15 - Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

    A Man's Rebuttal

    1 - First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.

    2 - Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

    3 - You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

    4 - I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

    5 - When you're on period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.

    6 - Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.

    7 - You bitch about the taste, but trust me when i tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.

    8 - At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

    9 - Play with the balls.

    10 - No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

    11 - Caress the ass, too. We like that.

    12 - Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

    13 - If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
     
  2. formby

    formby learning in progress

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    nice......lmao
     
  3. Speedracer228

    Speedracer228 ......

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    :repost: but yet an oldie but goodie
     
  4. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

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    Never saw it before
     
  5. swanny

    swanny Senior Member

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  6. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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  7. Speedracer228

    Speedracer228 ......

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    if im not mistaken i think pissdoff put it up a while back, maybe it was somewhere else i saw it. But im almost positive someone had it here
     
  8. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

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    Been here for a couple years, and saw most of the stuff, unless it was posted during last summer while i was in boot camp, then i dont remember it. Oh well, i am sure plenty of other guys havent seen it either so if its a repost i dont care.
     
  9. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    I posted it a while back, then b- reposted it...and now the 3rd~4th repost just came about......
     
  10. Speedracer228

    Speedracer228 ......

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  11. integraslut78

    integraslut78 Stylus DJ Extraordinaire

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    Werd.
     
  12. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    :lmao:

    new to me.



    bwhahahaha
     
  13. B16RacerN2NR

    B16RacerN2NR Working Hard VIP

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    Moving back West...
  14. StarBellieAngel

    StarBellieAngel Senior Member

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    Blow job etiquette (by a woman)

    1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

    if you think a man is obligated to go downtown, you sure as hell are obligated to suck his dick. you give what you get.

    2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.

    *rolls eyes* this is why i hate women.

    3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

    no, but it sure as hell is fun to watch, i'm sure... what's so wrong with it anyway?!

    4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.

    yes, you do. cuz you sure as hell can't spit it out in my drink, or on my floor. just go brush your teeth and be done with it.

    My ears are not handles. -- bullshit. that's what hair is for... it's more fun with pigtails anyway.

    5 - Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?

    that's why you learn from the porno. dt is easy... just relax, and chone it.

    6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.

    bwahahahaha... i'd at least like if you could wait till it's over.

    7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just you can't have sex right now.

    this is a rediculous excuse. having your period is the week men wait for so they CAN get hummers more often. duh.

    8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.

    if you GAVE him the blue balls, you are obligated to relieve him of it. end of story.

    9 - If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

    trim. nuff said. i won't cause a problem with pubes, neither should my partner. it's called common courtesy.

    10 -Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

    fuck that, i'd go play with him. thank you. farting and beer included

    11 - If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

    another frivolous excuse for a compliment.

    12 -No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

    it doesn't taste like ass, does it?

    13 - No, I will not do it while you watch TV.

    one of the best times, just make sure sports aren't on... but a word to the wise, he prefers in the car, or while he's at his desk.

    14 - When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

    bullshit. you better tell him how good i do it, and that i do it often. the more jealous wives that hate me, the better. hahaha. it's nice to know you're good at what you do, and there is NOTHING wrong with making damn sure he's satisfied.

    15 - Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

    *ahem* best way to wake up a man. he'll NEVER have a sour day as long as you wake him up with a bj.

    A Man's Rebuttal

    1 - First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.

    :werd:

    2 - Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

    hahahahah fear factor's new stunt: cum shakes.

    3 - You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

    it's SO not the same. but whatever.

    4 - I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

    hahaha i prefer you use my hair.

    5 - When you're on period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.

    HAHAHAHAH so true. so true.

    6 - Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.

    water retention before the menses takes care of that... we don't need to 'replenish' it.

    7 - You bitch about the taste, but trust me when i tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.

    uhm, this shouldn't be an issue... women shouldn't taste like ANYTHING... if they do, wash it more. that's just nasty.

    8 - At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

    never had that happen... gross.

    9 - Play with the balls.

    uh, duh. lol

    10 - No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

    i'd like to have someone judge that.

    11 - Caress the ass, too. We like that.

    ok. works for me.

    12 - Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

    makes sense.

    13 - If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

    oh, there's times for swallowing, and times for just being dirty. so... do with that what you will.



    anyway, those are my takes, from both sides. i mainly agree with the men. go figure. like i said, it's just sucking a dick. god. just fucking do it.
     
  15. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    :werd:

    Couldn't have said it better myself. :)
     
  16. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    bahahahahaha
    i was once a professional judge for these types of events...




    oh damn, i just threw up in my mouf a little...
    ughhhh
     
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