I discovered a fun game today… there are shitloads of bum motherfuckers at almost EVERY corner in Houston. I was sitting in my car a bit ago smoking a cigarette at a stoplight, and this bum walks up to my window. My window was down, and I didn’t get to roll it up in time. He walked up and just kinda looked at me all sad and shit, and I noticed he wasn’t wearing shoes, and it’s like 20 degrees outside. I felt sorry for the poor guy, so I gave him a cigarette. He was like 'thanks man, I could always use a cigarette'.
And then I got to thinking. After some thought, I realized, just about any bum will accept a cigarette, mostly because they're crackhead bum motherfuckers.
Now, I’ve got these things called 'cigarette loads' ( http://www.dixiesgifts.com/Cigloads.html ) that you stick down in a cigarette about halfway, and when the flame or whatever hits it, it explodes. I’m not talking about a ‘pop rock’ that you throw on the ground and it pops style explosion, but like a Black Cat firecracker. These fuckers are LOUD. So I load a few cigarettes up with the 'cigarette load' about halfway down, and go back out driving. As soon as I pulled up to a stoplight, sure enough there’s some crackhead bitch standing there looking all cracky and shit. I was like 'hey, I don’t have any cash, want a cigarette?' and she walks up all cracky-like and says ‘unhhhhh yeah’ and grunted or something, and I handed her a cigarette and lit it for her. I immediately drove across the street to the McDonald’s and park my car, and watch.
Have you ever seen someone who's high on crack, when a cigarette fucking EXPLODES in their face? Let me tell ya, it’s absolutely fucking awesome.
I almost pissed on myself laughing.
And then I got to thinking. After some thought, I realized, just about any bum will accept a cigarette, mostly because they're crackhead bum motherfuckers.
Now, I’ve got these things called 'cigarette loads' ( http://www.dixiesgifts.com/Cigloads.html ) that you stick down in a cigarette about halfway, and when the flame or whatever hits it, it explodes. I’m not talking about a ‘pop rock’ that you throw on the ground and it pops style explosion, but like a Black Cat firecracker. These fuckers are LOUD. So I load a few cigarettes up with the 'cigarette load' about halfway down, and go back out driving. As soon as I pulled up to a stoplight, sure enough there’s some crackhead bitch standing there looking all cracky and shit. I was like 'hey, I don’t have any cash, want a cigarette?' and she walks up all cracky-like and says ‘unhhhhh yeah’ and grunted or something, and I handed her a cigarette and lit it for her. I immediately drove across the street to the McDonald’s and park my car, and watch.
Have you ever seen someone who's high on crack, when a cigarette fucking EXPLODES in their face? Let me tell ya, it’s absolutely fucking awesome.
I almost pissed on myself laughing.
