California bound!

[Briansol]

For real though, there's plenty of 'social group' sites like meetup.com for common interest stuff. go to a few things with a few groups and see whats out there. i did a bunch of stuff with a few groups last summer when i was single and bored. i got out and did a ton of shit and made a bunch of new friends. did some zip lines hikes, political things, and so forth and had a great time doing it.

But that was a 'singles' group mostly. there are groups for people just like you who are new to the area, play dates, etc etc. Who knows. it may suck ass. but you might have a good time and meet some good people just like you.

 

[SlushboxTeggy]

That typically fades with age.......at least in my experience....once they hit 30 they tend to settle down if they are not married yet.

In my experience, there are a few types of this.

1- The goody goody who stayed a goody goody and let's face it, she's too good for you.

2- The college slut. She meets the right guy or just grows out of it.

3- The whore. She liked college and see's no reason to stop. She will either never get married or marry well enough below herself that the guy is indifferent to her ever mounting transgressions.

I've dated all 3 types. They all have pros and cons.

 

[TurboMirage]

Events And Adventures is the Club for singles - with singles events in Dallas, San Francisco, Houston, Phoenix, Vancouver BC, Seattle and Minneapolis

 

[BigJ]

The hook up adventure club?

Last I checked, they were married?

 

[TurboMirage]

its just an example.

 

[Taco15]

damn the subject went a totally different direction quick

I'd loove to meet new people. I'm good at it....a little too good really. Especially with chicks since mrs taco calls it borderline flirting since they seem to get attached in what ever conversation we'd be having.

I'll B16 I'll hit you up...

 

[dveit]

Work it out, we need more Mrs. Taco pics

On a more serious note, you're doing the right thing man. Stop second guessing yourself. You and your wife need to work it out and make things work. Too many families are a product of divorce these days (including mine) so I hope you work things out brother.

 

[invisibledemon]

my wife needs friends...

IRL most of my friends are losers. lol. Unmarried, GF's they do have are complete drunks/skanks. My wife does not get along with them.. lol..

I need to find some friends in my area which are of the same age and have kids the same age. There should be a dating-like site for couples to meet up? lol

fuck, we are on the same exact boat. lol.


taco, you have to get rid of those kinds of thoughts, if you are already convincing yourself its a waste of time, then you'll ruin it.

thats called a self fulfilling prophecy.

dont do that.
thats bad.

its cali, sure the laws and shit suck, but you already have a job lined up in your current field, expand your horizons, meet more people, and who knows, having connections on both sides of the country, maybe you'll discover a lead to get a much better job on the national level.

mainly, have fun, and start off again like you did dating. go out on legit dates, do random fun things like when you were just getting to know each other.

its not very often you get to have those butterfly feelings of falling in love with one girl twice.
some people spend their whole lives chasing that feeling once, you get to do it again.

 

[Taco15]

thanks for the words of wisdom. I appreciate it and it does help me when I'm feeling iffy about it.
I don't mean it but it just happens....

I know I'm lucky to have her love me and just want this whole thing to be over with and start a family. finally settle down and work and not deal with work, stress crap that has to go through. some of you may realize it and some of you may not but it kills the sex drive and kills any kind of normal life, ex. going out together, sports together, and stuff.

on a lighter note. We plan on starting a co-ed team and i'll be joining her soccer team. I WANT to be with her.

by the way, I got a pic uploaded

 

[Taco15]

been here for over a week.....hate it.

visiting is fun because you're doing only the cool stuff. Once you stuck doing work and actually seeing the traffic and dealing with some of the people it just ruined it for me.

I'm working at a Subaru dealership here and it's just not cool. while i can see why they how they (asians suck when buying cars) it's still not cool to be unprofessional. We have a bunch of new guys who literally get thrown in the fire. they don't know the product and here I am teaching them.

Ive had to sales so far and both I feel like i ripped them off. it's not me and I don't think i'll be here long.

 

[Taco15]

what is cool is that while the hours are long. I do get 2 days off since I work on sundays too

 

[double0Si]

We have a bunch of new guys who literally get thrown in the fire.

You've been there a week... I know its shitty california, but give it a shot for the wife?

 

[Taco15]

i'm trying to stay positive and enjoying the time. It's not as easy as many think.
While it was tough I'm doing all i can and had the mentality of failure not being an option.

It's just tough...really freaking tough.

 

[|Chaz|]

Sorry man, hope things get better out there for you. Where in Cali are you at again? Have you gotten to head out to the beach yet? Gotten to drive on any of the fun roads out there?

 

[invisibledemon]

maybe you can be the change that the company needs.
or maybe you can just use this job as a stepping stone to something different.

 

[reikoshea]

i'm trying to stay positive and enjoying the time. It's not as easy as many think.
While it was tough I'm doing all i can and had the mentality of failure not being an option.

It's just tough...really freaking tough.

So that's really all you can do. I'm going through the same thing right now (although I'm only moving 100 miles instead of 2000+). In the last 6 months I've seen my wife for 7 days, and 5 of them were depressing as fuck.

The last two days she was here (Mon and Tue actually), I just kept telling myself to make sure we both had a good time. It sounds silly, but you can't let yourself be mad at her for doing what she wants to do in life. If you can support her in that effort and still be able to do what you need, then just do it.

What I do, and it's silly, but it's been working for me, is anytime we're talking on the phone and I realize I'm about to be a dick, I just say 'Hey I got some stuff I got to take care of, but I love you a bunch and I'll talk to you later.', and then I go find my happy place. For me it's watching Doctor Who, since that was one of our old routines. For some reason, reliving those past memories, even alone, helps put me in better spirits for the next time I talk to her.

I may just be a softy, but when she's here no matter how desperate I am for it, I don't push the issue of sex. I try and do the things I know she enjoys (touching on her ears and neck), and eventually we kinda fall back into the old groove, and it's awesome. It's taken a few practice runs, but I think I've gotten the art down.

It's gonna be awkward living together again, and getting used to living in a new place, but I think you'll eventually settle in. Find those things both of you like to do, remember what it was that you married her for in the first place. After that, all the crap just falls away. Don't get me wrong, it still sucks, but at least when you get back to that point, you'll come home and the shit from work will slowly fall away. I can give you my example in that we watch Star Trek and Doctor Who, or play video games, and jab at each other's ability. Those kind of moments are how we bonded when she hated me, and it's how we sync back up after being apart for so long.

Biggest thing is, and I had to learn this the hard way. Don't bring up negative shit while you're angry, and in a yelling mood (dont know if you're that kinda guy, but i know i am). It's ok to be pissed off, but get the anger out of it before you bring up shit, especially stuff she hasn't done since you moved. After being apart for so long, it's a real quick way to drive a wedge between you.

Good luck man, and if you want to talk to someone going through something similar, I'm usually around.

 

[Briansol]

The first week anywhere always sucks.

I was ready to walk out of my current job after day 1, and at the end of the week, it was no better. I was overwhelmed. I was in the bathroom one day fake-shitting and debating leaving it was so bad.
but I knew it was wrong and I knew I was just over-reacting. So I stuck it out, saw it through, and now, things are better. I actually kinda like what I do now. There was just a huge learning curve beyond what I do (WHY i'm doing it) that was all knew to me and I wasn't mentally prepared for it.

So, don't let 1 week sway you. Stick it out, see it through the course. It's different, for sure. And as above, you may be the sales guy that dealer needs to double its sales this year.

 

[B16]

Jesus Christ man, sack up it's SoCal.

You need to change your attitude, it will eat away at your relationship. I think you went into this thing with the wrong mindset. You're looking at it as you've made a huge sacrifice (which you have) but you're setting it up for failure.

 

[endlesszeal]

i am anticipating to be moving down into the Riverside/Loma Linda area later this year.

so cal isnt that bad. traffic sucks, but lots to do and lots to see. the first year is always tough; ill be a freshman again and im not looking forward to it either. im planning to get out and network so i wont become a hermit.

ps they have a lot of tacos there. i particularly like the korean bbq ones.

 

[Taco15]

Pomona i like. traffic sucks but i can deal with it once I get my WR....freaking keyboard...anyway. my Subaru back. Dealership is shady as fawk. they are rude and don't care about the customer at all. You guys may think it's the norm but where I'm from it's not. I have customers baking me goods and always asking for me even for stupid shit. This dealership on both occasions of my sale they have lied, cheated and just plain screwed the customer. I'm good at what I do and I didn't know until I left my last job. I'm now training the newbs on proper salesmanship (joe verde style) and even teaching some of the guys who have been there for years about the product!!!! not to mention teach them about how to navigate around subarunet (salesman subaru portal page for locating vehicles and reports, etc.) and ADP CRM (dealers use to log customers and stay up with tasks like emails and calls)


Also, I'm not the yelling type unless she keeps jabbing at an issue but i do have a bad habit of faking it. I keep my feeling bottled up and always blows up at the wrong time. I love my wife but the combo of being homesick and still feeling like 'friends' is getting really hard to deal with. I'm sticking around for sure.... thanks for all the suggestions guys.