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California's Secession letter to Bush:

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by 94RedSiGal, Dec 16, 2004.

  1. 94RedSiGal

    94RedSiGal Senior Member

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    California's Secession letter to Bush:

    Dear President Bush:
    Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
    Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're
    leaving.
    California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
    Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes
    Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
    Illinois, and all of the North East.

    We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be
    beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in
    the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited
    about it, she's going to shift the whole country at
    4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone
    know they need to be back in their states by then.

    So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the
    Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get
    Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep Martha
    Stewart, we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty.
    You get OpryLand.

    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get
    Harvard. You get Old Miss. We get 85% of America's venture
    capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological
    innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the
    tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their
    fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the
    Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
    families. You get a bunch of single moms to support,
    and we know how much you like that.

    Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies?
    But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the
    pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't
    plan on serving California wine at your state dinners.
    From now on it's imported French wine for you.
    Ouch, bet that hurts.

    Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice
    and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue
    States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask
    your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send
    to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if
    you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

    Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we
    hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass
    destruction. Seriously. Soon.

    Sincerely,
    California
     
  2. civicious

    civicious FüK-VTEC VIP

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    :gives:
     
  3. hcivic.com

    hcivic.com Senior Member

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    welcome to the good side
     
  4. Prowler

    Prowler Super Moderator

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  5. Guy

    Guy Senior Member

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    I do. interesting find.
     
  6. MaaseyRacer

    MaaseyRacer Senior Member

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    I think california is for it, and honestly I do not think the rest of the nation would really care, if we did.
     
  7. B16

    B16 Super Moderator VIP

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    god = she? lmao
     
  8. Guy

    Guy Senior Member

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  9. Slammed90Lude

    Slammed90Lude Senior Member

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  10. adidas_man

    adidas_man Honorary Honda Driver

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    What about Missouri?? i want to be in California too.
     
  11. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    haven't you ever seen dogma? of course god is a she. :p

    reason #1 why cali doesn't suck. :p

    i'll wait for 2 in about 2007 or so
     
  12. GSRCRXsi

    GSRCRXsi Super Moderator Moderator VIP

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    thats what i was about to say
     
  13. b204dr

    b204dr Senior Member

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    if were going to go by corny movies-then were gonna have to bring snake pliskin and escape from la into this - cali is going to fall its fat ass into the ocean and become a big fricken prison lol- thats the only kinda seperation it would get from the united states - bon voyage! the us owns cali- the people do not own it - think of how much the government has invested in downthere-it would need to establish to much all those fun cali people protesting dont realize they would become some poor as people- the rich get richer- poor get poorer - but on a whole different scale - people dont understand the fall backs of what they think of trying to do- plus we all know it will never happen- go ahead and be pissed - every one has the right to be pissed but beyond that just fuck off whiners
     
  14. xj0hnx

    xj0hnx I wanna be sedated VIP

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    Yahooooo!!!!!! Finally they are taking that infectious bunch of CARB bitchs away from us so they don't potentailly infect the rest of coutry with their garbage. Is Jerry Brown there too? And Fienstein? oh goodie, goodie, goodie.
     
  15. Sabz5150

    Sabz5150 FALCON PUNCH!!!

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    We'd get MIT *AND* Caltech.

    You guys are FUCKED.
     
  16. DarkHand

    DarkHand Senior Member VIP

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    I'm pretty sure Montana would secede with us, even though they appear red... They still hate the US government. :D

    Alot of good it'd do us though. :p
     
  17. EXtremeAccord

    EXtremeAccord Senior Member

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    Mom's gonna fix it all soon. Mom's coming round to put it back the way it oughtta be.
     
  18. Prowler

    Prowler Super Moderator

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    represent !!!

    i want to be part of canada. i'm sure idaho would go too.
     
  19. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    what?
     
  20. hcivic.com

    hcivic.com Senior Member

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    eh i heard my name by it plus 9c today with 0 snow in the city but ive got 3-5 ft waiting on the hills this weekend
     
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