94RedSiGal
Senior Member
California's Secession letter to Bush:
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're
leaving.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes
Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois, and all of the North East.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be
beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in
the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited
about it, she's going to shift the whole country at
4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone
know they need to be back in their states by then.
So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the
Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get
Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep Martha
Stewart, we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get
Harvard. You get Old Miss. We get 85% of America's venture
capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological
innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the
tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their
fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the
Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
families. You get a bunch of single moms to support,
and we know how much you like that.
Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies?
But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the
pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't
plan on serving California wine at your state dinners.
From now on it's imported French wine for you.
Ouch, bet that hurts.
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice
and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue
States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask
your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send
to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if
you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we
hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass
destruction. Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're
leaving.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes
Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois, and all of the North East.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be
beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in
the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited
about it, she's going to shift the whole country at
4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone
know they need to be back in their states by then.
So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the
Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get
Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep Martha
Stewart, we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get
Harvard. You get Old Miss. We get 85% of America's venture
capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological
innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the
tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their
fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the
Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
families. You get a bunch of single moms to support,
and we know how much you like that.
Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies?
But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the
pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't
plan on serving California wine at your state dinners.
From now on it's imported French wine for you.
Ouch, bet that hurts.
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice
and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue
States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask
your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send
to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if
you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we
hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass
destruction. Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
