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Car Badge Article..

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by corvetteguy78, Oct 16, 2014.

  1. corvetteguy78

    corvetteguy78 Well-Known Member VIP

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    So I'm sitting in traffic the other day, thinking seriously about all the major issues currently affecting our healthcare system ("What would happen if I put human blood in my printer ink cartridge?"), when I see it: a BMW M3 hatchback.


    But this wasn't just any BMW M3 hatchback. This was a 1990s model, finished in a beautiful green color that I think would be best described as: All the panels were forest green except the passenger door, which was white. It also had only one factory hubcap, and more stick-on fender vents than working taillights. In other words: this particular M3 hatchback was a bit… modified.


    Now, if you're reading this column and you have even the most passing interest in BMW, you already know the problem here: BMW doesn't make an M3 hatchback. But there it was, ladies and gentlemen, perched right below the precariously dangling rear wiper: a faded "M" badge, signifying the fact this car features a tuned high-performance engine, and stiff sport suspension, and more aggressive styling, and a driver who uses text messaging to break up with women.


    And as I sat there, in bumper-to-bumper traffic, staring at this M-badged BMW hatchback, I realized something: it would be a hilarious prank to fill your printer ink cartridge with human blood and then print out a boarding pass! Ha ha! Imagine the look on the TSA guy's face! Ha ha! You would probably be arrested! Ha ha ha!!!!


    No, what I actually realized is that this enterprising automobile owner removed the "318ti" badge from his BMW, indicating its true nature as a German version of the mid-1990s Geo Metro, and replaced it with this "M" badge. He probably tells people he has an M3. He probably tells people the fender vents are functional. He probably tells people he removed the hubcaps for weight reduction.


    He probably comments on YouTube videos.


    I've noticed this trend more and more over the last few years: people putting on badges that make their car seem cooler than it actually is. So I've decided to address this in today's column. For those of you who don't wish to read the column all the way through, here's a little preview: FOR GOD'S SAKE, STOP IT!!!!


    Yes, I'm referring to you, guy who just can't resist slapping an "AMG" badge on that 1999 CLK320 convertible you found on Craigslist for six grand. Yes, I'm referring to you, guy who puts an "M" badge on your wife's X3, even though it has the same power-to-weight ratio as a vending machine. And yes, I'm definitely referring to you, guy who thinks that people at Cars and Coffee are impressed by your 2002 Sentra SE automatic just because you put a GT-R badge on the trunk. Nobody's buying it, and you shouldn't be selling it.


    Now, there's an obvious argument as to why this type of "re-badging" is a horrible idea, and that is: it makes you look like an idiot. I mean, what the hell are you expecting? You inherit your dad's gold 1997 Mercedes E420, which and has a dent in the roof from the time a tree branch fell on it during Hurricane Isidore, and you think… what? That an "AMG" badge is going to suddenly attract all the ladies? That guys will come up to you in gas stations and ask you to join the Midnight Club? That "Isidore" is the kind of name an angry dance teacher might have?


    Well, here's the truth: nobody cares about your little badge except for car enthusiasts, which leads us to an even bigger reason why this sort of behavior is a bad idea: because the only people who CARE about this stuff all know you're lying!


    Allow me to explain what I mean. I'm driving along a few months ago with my girlfriend, and we get up behind a late-1990s Audi A4 with an "S" badge on the back. Clearly, it wasn't an S4: it didn't have the painted side skirts; the tail lights were wrong; the wheels were wrong; the exhaust was wrong. So did my girlfriend look over at me and say "Look Honey! Check out that S4!"?


    OF COURSE NOT! She was looking across the street at some dog that was inexplicably wearing pants. She wouldn't notice if the guy in front of her was driving an A4, or an S4, or an RS4, or if he was driving an F-14 Tomcat down the street and occasionally firing cruise missiles at bus shelters. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, thinking about what an idiot this guy is for lying about his car, proving that the only person who would even bother to notice this sort stupid little badge change would also notice that it's a fake.


    So, car enthusiasts, I'm asking you to please stop putting those fake performance badges on your cars. Instead, be proud of your car. Be proud of its powertrain. Be proud of its performance.


    Be proud of your last remaining hubcap.
     
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  2. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    :(
     
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  3. B16

    B16 Super Moderator VIP

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    See this all too often with the AMG badge as well. :p
     
  4. 92stoccord

    92stoccord Big Member VIP

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    240D AMG 4lyfe

    I did see someone driving a rebadged Pontiac GTO badged as a Holden Monaro with the appropriate body modifications. Except the god damn wheels. They still had the pontiac logo on them. Lazy bastards.
     
  5. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    They did make an M version 318ti.. nothing more than M3 bumpers though
     
  6. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

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    why has this not been done?
     
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  7. B16

    B16 Super Moderator VIP

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    M sport version... Had different suspension too.
     
  8. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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    i love those 318 hatchbacks :(
     
  9. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    I love calling people out on this. The dealership I worked at would actually rebadge a car if you paid extra. Never understood that.

    The one instance where mis-badging was acceptable was a buddy of mine in hs. He had M badges and GTR badges on a DSM. He would lie about it being twin supercharged, etc. Then he'd walk people for good amounts of money with the large turbo he actually had on it. I always found it really funny.
     
  10. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

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    so, your buddy actually had a reason to do it though.
    thats different than actually trying to sincerely convince people it was true.
     
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  11. awptickes

    awptickes unimpressed by you VIP

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    And here I actually take badges off cars. :/
     
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  12. jeffie7

    jeffie7 Wrong Whole! VIP

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    I also debadge cars. It's amazing how many people comment on my WRX clearly missing the point that it's an STI. Like why didn't you get an STI? Or wow what to you mean it's an STI? It doesn't have a wing.

    Spotted this gem in my neighborhood.
     

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  13. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    I saw a wrx by my house with a Mugen Power emblem on the trunk.. pic got deleted on my phone
     
  14. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    I took the Si and Civic emblems off mine. Only way you could tell what it is was because of the DOHC VTEC on the sides and the rims.
     
  15. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    or, the spoiler, the side skirts, the front air dam, the front bumper, the fog lights, the seats, the.....
     
  16. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    All of that could have been bought as factory options, and swapped to any coupe of the same years...
     
  17. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    It was/is black right? I was always a fan of that Si blue.
     
  18. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    Yeah it was black.
     
  19. jeffie7

    jeffie7 Wrong Whole! VIP

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    James likes black. Going to pull a B.
     
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  20. Taco15

    Taco15 I wear stretchy pants VIP

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    yeah I debadge my cars as well. to me it's just a cleaner look. the way I see it, if only real enthusiasts can tell what kind of car it is, those are the ones in want to talk to anyway.

    unlike Jeffie I can debadge all I want.....I have the wing. lol. even if it was a wrx people would call it an Sti.
     
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