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Feeling A Little Weird

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by B16RacerN2NR, Jul 18, 2008.

  1. B16RacerN2NR

    B16RacerN2NR Working Hard VIP

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    OK, a little background first...

    I work for the City of Lancaster in the Park and Recs department. I'm maintenance so that requires anything from plumbing, electrical, and even janatorial work. February of 07 I was assigned to take care of the janitorial work in Public Works department building. The first person i met over there was one of the Construction Inspectors. He was a cool guy. early to mid 40's. He would usually work late so I would be there and we'd shoot the shit every now and then.

    He would tell me that he hated his job because the pay wasn't worth the headache and responsibility but he would say it in an every day manner. The way most of us would say it. And he'd laugh about it. I would tell him i'm trying to move to a different position and he would say 'shit. fuck it, take my position' and we'd laugh. The 'you can have my job' talk was almost an everyday conversation topic so I never thought much about it.

    One time he told me he was arguing with his 16 year old son and his son decided to try and man up so he laid his son out with a one-hitter quitter. He would laugh while telling this story and told me that when his son went to school that morning with a bloody nose, he called the school to let them know what happened and if they needed him, he would go down there. The school called the cops and the cops told him that even though his son deserved it, he couldn't do that unless his son hit him first. So they made him go to some anger management classes in order for him to keep his son. While telling me this story, he mentioned that he understood that his son has a lot of built in anger since his mom recently passed away. He didn't say 'my wife' passed away, so I assumed they were seperated.

    A period went by where he was gone for about 2 months. He finally came back to work and he told me he was trying to transfer to the Crack and Seal Asphalt crew because he was tired of the Inspector position and the politics the job had. So once again, he laughed and said I could really have his job now. He got the transfer and I didn't see him for about 4 months. I ran into him again and he told me how happy he was with his new position.

    So last week a position in the Public Works department opens up. I apply for it and i'm excited because i'm almost positive it's mine.

    Yesterday I find out that last week this guy commited suicide and the position I applied for was his :eek::confused:

    Turns out that he was still with his wife when she passed away and he hid how hurt he was, pretty good. Plus the fact that him and his kids were having a fall-out. I found out he was missing a lot of work and they told him that he needed to start showing up more or they would have no choice but to let him go. I haven't talked to him in about 3 months so I didn't know how bad his life was, or at least how bad HE thought it was. He seemed great the last time I saw him.

    I'm just feeling a little weird about the situation because he would always say I could have his position and now potentially, I might actual end up with it :ph34r:

    Fate has to be a woman because you never know what's on her mind...

    Also, I called a friend last night to talk to him about this and he mentions that a friend of ours in high school commited suicide on this past Mother's Day:( One of our friend's lived next to him and he said he saw our other friend running in circles in his yard, knelt down and prayed for a bit, then ran back into the house and blew his brains out.

    His mom runs out screaming and asking our other friend for help, when he runs in there, my friend is just twitching on the floor. Blood and brain matter everywhere :(:(:(

    I'm just at a loss of emotion right now... Neither of these guys showed ANY sign that suicide was an option but I suppose that's the case in most suicides...
     
  2. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    [​IMG]



    that's what i feel about it.

    it's never THAT bad. man up. don't take the pussy way out.

    so your wife died and your kids hate you. ok... the wife you can't do anything about... people die... you grieve.. you move on..., but you could certainly work on your relationship with your kids...
     
  3. B16RacerN2NR

    B16RacerN2NR Working Hard VIP

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    Exactly. I feel the way you do. Now his kids have no parents at all.

    I just feel weird that his job might actually be mine since we always joked about it and for me to actual get his job he needed to be dead :ph34r:
     
  4. dacheat

    dacheat ..is grounded.

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    my take - he wasn't happy 'here' and didn't see himself really being happy 'anywhere' - he really wanted you to take the job. and weirdly, now you have it. consider it one of his dying wishes and don't feel bad about it. someone that could appreciate the job should have it, he was in a situation in life where he couldn't really appreciate anything.

    it's sad. and it does remind us to keep in mind that regardless of what people tell us or indicate, there's always at least another layer below that which you can't even guess at.

    :(
     
  5. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Suicides happen. And deaths, like rapes and drug addictions and the whole shibang - affect not only those that it happens to - but everyone in their lives. It's ok to be affected by his death, but don't blame yourself for the death, by not being able to take responsibility for saving him.

    My friend blamed himself for the death of his wife. He did so not because he feels he caused her death, but because he dismissed the signs of a potential problem. That pain is real.

    Your acceptance of his position is a pittance in the road of life. That position, itself, sucks long donkey dick. I don't know what your goals for success are, but no job in the public works department is worth sweating about - not even the elected / mafia influenced head of the department.
     
  6. dacheat

    dacheat ..is grounded.

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    you know i disagree. every job can have joy in it. i mean the poopsmith likes his job. it may not be for you, but it might be for him. point is, what makes you happy is exactly that, and no more.
     
  7. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    "The PoopSmith maintains a 'vow of silence'"
     
  8. B16RacerN2NR

    B16RacerN2NR Working Hard VIP

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    I agree. His position will make me happy for the time being and open other doors for me.
     
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  9. efhondakid

    efhondakid My name is Byron. VIP

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    Wow, I'm sorry to hear that, Ive had 3 of the people I graduated with commit suicide/die every 8 months the last three years, its hard to handle seeing a friend in a casket. All I can say is try to put it out of your mind and move on, your still here, so make the most of it.
     
  10. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    Suicide should never be an option in my opinion. You can always make someone's life better with your life. Death is a way out, a way to escape your problems. But they just fall on those closest to you.

    And killing yourself on Mother's Day or any holiday for that matter just proves how selfish a person is. Every year instead of a holiday your family is left with a terrible feeling. My friend from my sig died on my best friend's birthday. It was an accident, nothing could be done about it, and last year his 21st birthday was a terrible one. Even this year it will be bittersweet. For the rest of our lives the first thing to do on Joe's birthday will be to go to Shaun's grave.

    Here is something that is somewhat inspirational though. A friend I went to college with had a friend jump from a bridge in NYC trying to kill himself. He did not succeed. 1 of 2 survivors in the history of the bridge. He said the minute he jumped he thought, "This was a terrible idea, I don't want to die." He now is an advocate who speaks about suicide. It took a failed attempt, but this kid found something good to do with his life rather than waste it.
     
  11. B16RacerN2NR

    B16RacerN2NR Working Hard VIP

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    I hear ya on the holiday thing. Now every mother's day gift he's given her, every elementary school thing he's made her for mother's day, ect... is just going to be a bad memory.
     
  12. robertbergl

    robertbergl New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about that. Most of the people I ran around with ahen I was younger are dead or in prison:)

    Suicide is the easy way out as far as I am concerned.
     
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