Not written by me, obviously. I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I never yet have figured out how the "sexual desire gene" gets thrown into a state of turmoil when one utters the words, "I do." One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??????" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her "emotional needs" as a woman. I'm thinking "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to "happen" that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day we went shopping at a big chain department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes, worth $200.00 a pair, to which I say ok. Then we go to the jewelry department, where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you - she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet, because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was ok. She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should have seen her face when she said "I'm ready to go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man." I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the Spring of 2008.