1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Getting things out

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by totalburnout, May 4, 2007.

  1. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    Good god do I need to vent and purge my system. I've been talking and venting since Monday but I still feel like I didn't get all my feelings out and the things which I felt as though I needed to say out.

    I don't want to keep pouring everything out to my friends and at the same time there's only a few people I feel as though I could safely tell things. I don't want to be that emo kid or the downer because thats not who I think I am, nor who I would ever want to become.

    How the hell do I get everything out in a productive manner? The inability to concentrate and focus is messing with my already lackluster school work ethic.

    I landed one of the "Top 10 Most Sought after internship" in the nation on Wednesday and my smile is only temporary. I come crashing back down when I let my mind wander and think about things that have been getting me down.
     
  2. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    21,969
    Likes Received:
    146
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2003
    Colleges have a free therapy route. You can turn to them for diagnosis.

    I only say this for two reasons:

    I see the therapist at my school, and he rocks
    You sound like a classic case of depression. (As do I)
     
  3. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

    Messages:
    11,937
    Likes Received:
    1,056
    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2003
    Location:
    Washington State
    it's called life man. everybody goes through ups and downs. if life was easy, everybody would be happy. life is hard, and the only thing that you get out of it is death.

    I don't have anybody to talk to also. it sucks to just keep it inside. it's hard, i know. the best way to do things is to find a woman, take her out, get yourself drunk, then spill it all. you will sound like a fool, never get a second date, wont get laid, but you will feel a lot better.

    so what is this internship?
     
  4. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

    Messages:
    11,090
    Likes Received:
    408
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2002
    Location:
    Washington
    yeah.

    It's like you keep on getting these accomplishments but your'e not super happy about it. Like it doesn't seem to have bearing on yoru life, even though it does. It shapes your life as you will later know it, but its endless for us. Mostly because of the pressure to become something extraordinary is killing us.

    I think booze is our friend this weekend, but shouldn't be often.
     
  5. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    In all due respect, currently I'm depressed but normally I'm a cheerful person although I can be pessimistic at times.

    I was just very happy being single and having different woman and then one comes along and I give it all up for her, some stupid things happened but I fell for her in a very short period of time and she told me that the same was happening to her. This led me to let my guard down and fall for the girl even though things weren't perfect. Then bam without warning she just cuts slack and bails. Granted I'm not perfect but what hurt was that she couldn't see the good in the relationship and the bad completely overshadowed all else. She was completely cold and just cut herself off emotionally when we broke up, hell it started to come down on instant messenger after she got back from an interview and I asked that we at least do it in person - to which she said okay but her feelings wouldn't change.

    Its just extremely difficult for me that a person would tell me she cared for me, right up until the end and then bam just spill things all out. I was made to feel as if I was a complete asshole because of the things I've done and because I've fucked up, but at the same time other people have accepted me and loved me for who I am currently.
    I don't know what to say. I feel like it may not have been perfect but I'm clearly convinced right now that I cared for her even more than I knew at the time. She's running around smiling now and preparing to go into a serious top notch job straight out of college. If that was the only issue it wouldn't be such a big deal to me, but its the fact that she literally started to dislike me. We have sex one day, which is supposed to be especially meaningful for her since she's been with a very limited number of people, and then two days later its all gone.

    ...this is karma at its best and I have no right to complain since this has opened my eyes to the idea that I did far, far worse to my ex-girlfriend who had a lot more time committed in that previous relationship.

    Just stupid stuff like seeing this last girl sitting on some guy's lap in facebook pictures (yeah, somehow I lowered myself to those levels and became that psycho that I always made fun of) and it made me literally want to throw up and has ruined my entire day.
     
  6. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    She tore me a part about drinking, which now makes me guilty to go and drunk.

    I started drinking more regularly than I ever have this semester but its also a socializing time with some really good people that I've gotten to know that aren't just alcoholic burn outs but have serious careers lined up and just like to have a good time.

    I want to put some size back on and get completely ripped again, which means less booze but now I'm almost completely turned off to the idea. When we broke up on Monday, my buddy had me shotgunning beers like the devil though.

    Going out with people takes my mind off of things, its just I feel that I'm going to start wearing out my welcome complaining about the situation. We weren't together very long, I cheated on her a month ago before we were official, and we've only been talking serious since March or so. I was courting her since November/Decemberish but we weren't together and that was just random little conversations here and there.
     
  7. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    I guess my insecurities lead me to believe that I won't be able to find another girl as top notch as her.

    She was national honor society everything, gave back to the community tutoring local children, president of all sorts of clubs, helped program and run a special olympics benefit concert, on a full academic scholarship, was recruited to play on the Division 1 soccer team here but chose to play club and pursue academics further, had a beautiful body, great smile, a big perfect butt like I like, and eyes that were indescribably beautiful. Add that to the fact that she's driven and accomplishes anything she wants and is in the last stage of interviewing with a great company, down to 5 out of 250 people who were interviewed and probably going to land that $85,000 job right out of college.

    Don't get me wrong, the money isn't what I'm after. Its the fact that she has accomplished something so difficult and elite that its both a rarity and noteworthy. It amazes me and she was probably the only girl I ever wanted to brag about.

    Now the downside. She wasn't affectionate like I need, she was more distant than I like most of the time but other times her eyes lit up and it was passionate and amazing. It was like she was two different people and I could literally feel days when she loved me and days when she didn't.
     
  8. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

    Messages:
    11,090
    Likes Received:
    408
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2002
    Location:
    Washington
    Yeah. I push girls away before I land them.

    Like they get interested, then I semi-get interested, then bam, the two week window is completely gone. So I go get drunk. It's bad. I drink wayy too much beer, so I switched to vodka this past week. Went and got some 1/5ths and i should be set for a couple more days.


    This girl you're talking about sounds like a dude. I always date those girls that were the best at everything, and I end up being 2nd best always. They're cold, calous, and are so driven, they'll walk all over you for them selves. It's a selfish game at that point because accomplishing for themself, even though they're doing it for others, is literally for their own ways of sleeping at night. She'll need you here and there, but not always. It's sad, but true.

    I hate the clingy type too, but the accomplished ones always find me. Head cheerleader, captain of the soccer team, etc. etc.
     
  9. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    I don't really want to run my mouth about the company because of other things that I've said on this board before, that I wouldn't want linked to myself and a Fortune company but its on this list;
    Top Internships for 2005 - Most Sought After by College Students

    Old article but I couldn't find the new Princeton Review one but its been ranked Top 10 for 10 years running.

    Ranked the best company in its industry for 7+years

    Ranked #2 of "50 Best Companies to Sell For"

    Those who have picked up on some things that I've said in other threads will figure out which internship it is on the list.
     
  10. klyph

    klyph Dismember VIP

    Messages:
    6,342
    Likes Received:
    262
    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Location:
    North Pole, AK
    Congratulations!
     
  11. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

    Messages:
    11,937
    Likes Received:
    1,056
    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2003
    Location:
    Washington State
    • Academy of Television Art & Sciences (produces the Emmy Awards)-probably L.A.
    • Electronic Arts (America's largest video game manufacturer and distributor)-Good Possibility
    • Hewlett-Packard-My guess
    • Inroads (offers management training for minority students)-Again, not a minority
    • National Institutes of Health-not likely
    • New York Yankees-maybe, you are in NJ
    • Northwestern Mutual Financial Network-no
    • Procter & Gamble-no
    • SEO Career Program (business-related internships for African American students)-I don't think so. you're not black
    • U.S. Supreme Court-HAHAHA, not this one.
     
  12. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    The thing is I think thats exactly what happened and thats what hurt as well. She's so driven that she knows she's graduating and going to be going into a crazy industry and is "unwilling to have to work at a relationship and put in the effort right now." Unfortunately then I see her with some guy that clearly wants her in these pictures, thats graduating now and is the head of the guys club soccer team.

    I think she convinced herself that she wanted someone more mature, but failed to see that although I like to have a good time there's so many things that I do that fly under the radar of others and go unseen.

    It made me feel like I was a bad person and when some of the things are true, it made me feel even worse.
     
  13. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    I am thoroughly impressed that you were bored enough that you wasted your time on me. I like your explanations but you wound up crossing off the one that I actually do have.

    In another list they were ranked #2, and ranked #4 but the guy who worked for them said, "As an intern I probably would have rather working at EAS and playing video games all day too" which I thought was quite funny.
     
  14. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    !!!
     
  15. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    as you told me yesterday,

    cheer up emo bitch :D


    could be worse.




    you could be gay.


    and there's no surgery for that.
     
  16. klyph

    klyph Dismember VIP

    Messages:
    6,342
    Likes Received:
    262
    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Location:
    North Pole, AK
    Actually there is, they used to perform labotomies to "cure" gay people.
    Though labotomy is probably a stretch as it usually consisted of shoving a rod into their frontal lobe through their nose and scrambling to the desired consistency.

    Hey, if you do get a labotomy, you won't have to deal with internships OR woman drama. Just eat through a straw and happily drool on yourself all day :thumbsup:
     
  17. neonmike

    neonmike Senior Member VIP

    Messages:
    1,308
    Likes Received:
    114
    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2004

    stop stealin my lines:harhar:
     
  18. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    7,068
    Likes Received:
    126
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2002
    Location:
    NJ
    You're right. Hope is a powerful thing, but its just as if right now I made "hope" in terms of meeting the perfect girl a little bit slimmer.

    She could take her hope and goals and the desire to be single and enjoy her life, she'll find another guy that will drool over her and treat her like the great person she deserves to be treated as for the rest of her life.

    Myself on the other hand, I'm pretty damn scared I'm not going to meet a girl as beautiful or as intelligent as she was in the future and if I do there's going to be 20983208 other guys competing with me. I like knowing someone is mine and I'm not in jeopardy, I bag a beautiful chick like she was and anywhere we went I had guys gawking at her and trying to jump on her. I feel that people that are used to that sort of treatment such as beautiful, intelligent girls feel that their significant others are more disposable because they can go out and get another one just as good.

    Also this is just my way of venting right now. I want to move on, but I feel as though I'm going to forget if I move on and not learn from the lessons that I should since many of the complaints she gave me about myself already went in one ear and out the other.
     
  19. Black Widow g2

    Black Widow g2 *princess*

    Messages:
    3,599
    Likes Received:
    31
    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2004
    Location:
    California
    Been there, bro. I feel for you. If you want to talk about it... I'm around. It's hard for me to talk to anyone since the only person I can talk to is Artie. I know he doesn't want to hear about what I feel for my ex. Funny thing... I know when I stop hating him... then I've truly stopped loving or caring about him. Just so you know... it's not just 'beautiful and intelligent' girls who always keep their eyes out for something 'better.' It's about 90% of them. They all want to be spoiled princesses. But, then you find one of the 10% who is actually beautiful and intelligent... she'll show you the world without leaving your house. And if she were worth a damn, she'd have listened to what you had to say and dealt with the situation accordingly. I've learned my lesson from my last relationship. I will do anything and everything I can to make my man know that I'm his. But, there's a catch... he has to communicate with me about those feelings and he has to reciprocate. Even so, it's odd for me to have someone be honest and actually tell me about how they're feeling. You deserve that as well. Don't settle.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2007
  20. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

    Messages:
    16,117
    Likes Received:
    1,015
    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Write everything out. You don't have to do it here, or on paper or even show anyone. Just write out all the anger and shit. Get it out of your system.
     
Verification:
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page