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good Best of CL post

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Dustin_m, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

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    not funny, but reminded me of someone. thought I'd share.

    best of craigslist : Things my father taught me

    Things my father taught me

    Date: 2008-04-13, 9:33AM PDT


    The measurement of my finger from the tip to the first joint is 1 inch...depth for planting peas.
    The measurement to the second joint is 2 inches...depth for corn.
    Return borrowed things in better shape than when you borrowed them.
    There are two types of trouble...one is the trouble you knowingly walk into, the other is trouble that just happens...it's important to know the difference.
    Walk softly but carry a big stick.
    if you have to use said stick, make sure who you use it on, doesn't get up.
    Grits is good.
    Foul language is a sign of a limited vocabulary
    Orion, the Big and Little Dippers.
    Everyone is a friend until proven otherwise.
    Licorice ferns, huckleberries, nettles, sword ferns.
    Tabasco won't kill you even if you eat it by the spoonfull.
    Don't watch the clock when you're at work.
    Fish can see you if you look over the side of the boat.
    Fish can hear you if you talk to loud.
    Respect the elders.
    Never go to bed angry.
    That which does not kill you will hurt like the dickens, but it will make you stronger.
    Family is the most important thing on earth.
    How to play the guitar, spoons, mouth harp, and water filled bottles.
    The true meaning of "Self Made Man"
    If you don't know something, go to the library and learn it.
    The phrases "I don't know", "I forgot", or "I tried (and failed)" are excuses.
    There is a difference between an excuse and a reason, know the difference.
    Take care of your apperance...even if it is just a t-shirt and jeans.
    The world can change everything about you, except your point of view...unless you allow it to.

    David L. McDonald
    born 1936-passed 2008
    precious father
    beloved husband
    A right good fellow.
     
  2. |Chaz|

    |Chaz| Well-Known Member VIP

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    This one is better.

    best of craigslist : To the stupid bitches at Walmart that assumed I stole their phone


    You know who you are. You and your skanky friend entered the ladies room at Walmart, apparently looking for a cellphone you lost because you're a moron. I washed my hands, and upon exiting the restroom I said, "Excuse me," since you clearly had no intention of moving your fat ass out of the doorway.

    I proceeded to look at some shirts in the womens' department, when suddenly you two white trash tramps came RIGHT over and stood oh, maybe, 3 feet away from me, glaring. The porkier one of you two (the one with the mustache) then took out your cellphone and obviously dialed the lost one's number in hopes that suddenly my bag would ring your familiar ringtone- probably Shakira or Lil Kim. I couldn't believe you had the audacity to be such stupid hos. Not only did you make no attempt to be discreet, but you were blatantly rude and insulting.

    Why the fuck would I want your cellphone? I'm all set with 19yr old punks calling me for blowjobs. I also don't have any interest in receiving phone calls from probation officers or Planned Parenthood. If I did find a cheap-ass phone probably in a pink case, covered in stickers- there's a damn good chance I'd return it to the "Lost And Found," assuming I'd even give a shit enough to do that. I'm sure that's a far-fetched concept to you, considering if it were the other way around, you'd probably pawn a lost phone as fast as you'd jerk off a homeless guy that offered you a cigarette.

    Next time you immediately jump to conclusions because of your own stupidity, go back and check the aisle with vaginal cream and douches first; you probably left your phone there. You must have found it shortly after, because you were no longer up my ass, skanking up my personal space. Either that, or the dollar store was having one hell of a sale that you couldn't pass up.

    Screw you both.
     
  3. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

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    :lol: I read that one
     
  4. awptickes

    awptickes unimpressed by you VIP

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