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Happened to me too... fiancee broke up with me out of the blue

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by FLounder, Aug 5, 2014.

  1. FLounder

    FLounder power hungry VIP

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    Seems to be the summer of break ups. I have been with my girl for almost 8 years. Engaged for the last 5. We had a great relationship, been through a lot together, but never any internal problems between us. We have mostly similar interests, with a few differences, but i always thought it was the perfect ratio. About a month ago, she woke me up in the middle of the night crying and wanting to talk. Said she wasnt happy anymore, felt like i didnt respect her, and was too comfortable. I was like whoa, ok, ill work on that asap. Our relationship was way too deep to not try really hard to work it out, i told her. Since then she has seemed happy again, great sex and spent lots of time together. Her parents were in town last week and she started getting kinda bitchy, but i thought it was just because she was annoyed with her mom (this has happened before). Literally an hour after she dropped them off at the airport, she came to me and said she was done and had to move on.

    WTF is really all i can say. She cant really give me good examples of why she isnt happy or what she wants out of life in the future. She is very vague and that makes it harder. She swears she has never cheated, she "has too much respect and love for me." I feel like she might have someone else in mind or something. I make nearly twice the money she does and have supported her nice comfy lifestyle for the last 7+ years. She cant even pay her own bills without my help. This makes me think she has something in mind for the future and doesnt want to tell me.

    Now we are in a weird state of limbo, where we are broken up, but she has no where to go. Says she needs a couple weeks to move out. She has moved into our guest bedroom, and has now started trying to act normal, like nothing is really wrong after only two days. Im obviously heart broken and confused and just like wtf do i do now. On top of that, my landlord just told me they are selling the house i live in. Fuck me. I just hate that the future is so uncertain right now.

    Cliffs: GF broke up with me with not much explanation, landlord selling my house, shes still living with me, and im like WTF!
     
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  2. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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    give her a month... and stop paying her fucking bills man. she wants to end it, so don't support her shit.
     
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  3. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    Yup, this is what girls do. Pretty much the EXACT thing that happened to me.... Things were perfect until the very second that they ended and she can't explain why she feels that way. Guys want to try and work out problems and figure them out, make things right... Girls just turn off like a light switch and it's game over from that point on with 0 bother to even try to salvage it because it's a wasted effort because they have no idea what they are even feeling or can't express how they got there.


    @house, are you interested in buying it? it may be a good opp for you if you want to stay there.

    If you need time away, there's a couch up here if you want to head north for a few days or something.
     
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  4. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

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    Sorry man to hear. Keep your head up.
     
  5. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    this doesn't seem very well played out on her part.
    definitely seems very fishy to me.
    might be in your best interest to get a private eye, or GPS tracker or something.
    although its really a mute point at this point in time.
    whatever the cause, it appears she's serious about it being over so you should try and move on with your life.
    the worst thing you can do at this point is play into this and try to win her back, or even let her come back.
     
  6. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt

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    I'm sorry for both of you fellas. Most everyone has been through something similar at some point and it sucks.

    Is it maybe a pushing to get married thing? Engaged for 5 years is a long time without moving it forward. If you think maybe there's someone else on the side I would think that she would show signs. Sneaking around, unusual activity, not being home when she normally would be.

    I guess just be glad it happened before you were married and bought a house together, etc. A friend of mine got married after being with a girl for about 5 years, she was the one pushing for it. Ended up buying a house, lost his job, transferred to Chicago, lost that job, came to move back home and she hit him with divorce papers. After about 18 months of marriage.

    After he moved on and found someone else, she started calling him and asking to get back together because she finally realized how good she had it with him.

    That grass isn't usually greener on the other side of the fence.

    I wouldn't giver her a month, and the financial assistance would most definitely come to an immediate stop. If she said she needs 2 weeks I would hold her to it.
     
  7. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    Don't put even one more dime into her bills, and let her go about trying to pay them.
     
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  8. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    I agree that 5 years engaged is a bit of a 'shit or get off the pot' situation.... Maybe mom said, WTF are you doing? why aren't you married? brought in stress, and girls simply can't, in general, handle anything without getting rid of it.
     
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  9. FLounder

    FLounder power hungry VIP

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    Home values have skyrocketed in my area, and i cant afford to buy the house i live in, unfortunately. Its a sweet spot, with a nice garage and a boat storage spot. Not to mention the awesome neighborhood, neighbors, and the house is nice as shit in general. A little big for me by myself and tough to afford the rent/utilities alone (although i could swing it since i wont be supporting her anymore).

    I think it is good advice to cut her off financially, and i do kinda wish she would just leave so i could start figuring out where to go from here. Fuck, it sucks to say that. She wants to take our two dogs too... they are like our damn kids.

    As far as the 5 year engagement... She never seemed super interested in actually getting married. Always would say its too expensive and that she doesnt want to deal with planning it. And i kind of agreed, i didnt want to plan it. The last couple years I was the only one that ever even brought up marriage at all. Dont let that make you think our relationship was troubled, it was freaking awesome. We never really argued and always had a lot of fun together. I feel like we had the best relationship of anyone i know.

    There havent been any signs of her sneaking around or anything and she is a very solid person. I believe her when she says she has never cheated.
     
  10. FLounder

    FLounder power hungry VIP

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    Another little tidbit... she is scared to tell her parents or any family that she broke up with me. Her parents love me, they treat me like a son. I lost both of my parents in my mid twenties and her parents have always been amazing and i am very close to them.

    Neither of us has put anything on facebook or really told a lot of people yet. I talked to my brother a lot about it, and hes basically like "shes stupid, and shes making a big mistake". Which i agree with, but i feel she has made up her mind and im wasting time at this point trying to talk to her about it anymore.
     
  11. B16

    B16 Super Moderator VIP

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    Damn, that sucks man.

    I agree with others. I bet that visit from the parents was like "WTF why aren't you married after 5 years of engagement, I want grandbabies!!!". Even though she may have not been pursuing it, sounds like she started having doubts about the relationship and that may have just sealed the deal..
     
  12. FLounder

    FLounder power hungry VIP

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    Yeah its a plausible theory for sure.

    She was a little wild before i met her, Im sure she is going to be out on the town in her skimpy tight dresses in no time. Most of our friends are mutual, im dreading the future right now. Seeing her with someone else is really going to hurt, and i have the feeling it wont be long. She fuckin hot, and likes to go out on the town.
     
  13. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    It may be in your best interest to give up the dogs, even though that sucks. Given uncertain housing, you may not be able to bring dogs to your next place. Not to mention, they are an expense.

    It's not your job to tell her family, no matter how close you are. STAY OFF FACEBOOK. talk to your brother, bring it up here, etc. Maintaing that relationship after the fact may also be a bad idea. You'll get stuck in your old life that you don't have any more. That, and the parents WILL talk to their daughter about you, which just prolongs the pain and pisses people off. Break the ties, find a new girl and a new set of parental's.

    There is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it. As a man, that blows, because we like to fix things. But you will NEVER fix it. she needs to fix it herself, but she won't because she thinks she knows what she is doing, and you trying will only make things worse. I suck at this too and rarely take my own advice.... but the best thing you can do is just forget about her and get everything that reminds you of her out of your house and your life as soon as you can so you can begin the healing process.
     
  14. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    Giving up mutual friends sucks too. but sometimes, you need to do it. Avoid parties where she might be there, do smaller things with only your friends (ie, you knew them before you met her) but NEVER make the friends chose you or her. Simply bow out on your own.
     
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  15. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt

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    You each get a dog. That's what my buddy and his ex did.

    Maybe try and work out some type of visitation for the opposite dog.
     
  16. FLounder

    FLounder power hungry VIP

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    Yeah that is a possibility, we do each have a favorite dog. Would suck to separate them, but we'll see.


    Lots of good advice guys, THANKS.
     
  17. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt

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    With all the social media, it's gonna make it that much harder. She'll be posting pics and talking about partying, etc.

    I would consider just deleting your page. With all the mutual friends it's gonna be impossible not to see things.

    The older I get the dumber I find fb/twitter/instagram. I have none of the above and I actually talk to my real friends a lot more.
     
  18. FLounder

    FLounder power hungry VIP

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    I guess the good news is that im in the best shape of my life right now at 34. Im financially stable, and dont have any debt. The thought of dating seems weird and foreign to me right now, but hopefully ill remember how to do it.

    For now im just going to hit the gym even more, and try to go fishing more, and just try to keep my head up. Fucking women, man, such a mindfuck.
     
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  19. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    Focus on yourself and all the other shit will fall into place when it presents itself.
     
  20. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    Whatever you do, don't do a week with me, a week with you dog trade.... you'll just end up seeing her all the time, which negates all progress.
     
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