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how NOT to write

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Mar 10, 2004.

  1. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    Actual Similes and Metaphors Found in High School Essays



    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
    gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
    like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
    room-temperature Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
    just before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
    because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
    surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
    bowling ball wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
    filled with vegetable soup.

    11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
    eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
    and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
    you fry them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
    the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
    left Cleveland at 6:36 p. m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from
    Topeka at 4:19 p. m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
    that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
    had also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
    East River

    18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
    only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
    this plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    eating for a while.

    22. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a
    college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

    23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
    but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on land
    mine or something.

    24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
    leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant

    25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
    with power tools

    26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
    as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

    27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

    28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in
    any pH cleanser.

    29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it
    to the wall.
     
  2. DarkHand

    DarkHand Senior Member VIP

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    Every single one of those is absolutely hilarious. :D Those kids are funny.
     
  3. Prowler

    Prowler Super Moderator

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    i couldn't stop laughing at that one. :lol:
     
  4. DarkHand

    DarkHand Senior Member VIP

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    That was the best one for me. :D
     
  5. complicity

    complicity Senior Member

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    wtf???

    :lmao:

    i'm having the worst day ever, thanks for making me laugh :)
     
  6. xj0hnx

    xj0hnx I wanna be sedated VIP

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    :lol: :bo: :bo: :lmao: :lmao: Not even going to try to pick a favorite!!!
     
  7. Slammed90Lude

    Slammed90Lude Senior Member

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    :lmao: i dig this one :thumbsup:
     
  8. La_Pieuvre

    La_Pieuvre Senior Member

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    I can just imagine the kid thinking he just came up with a smart metaphor :lol:



    BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :lol: :) :p :spin:


    I love waking up, surfing onto HS and reading B's useless but hilarious early morning posts. Really gets my day going! :worthy:
     
  9. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    those are my favorites .... but the rest were funny as hell too

    :lmao:
     
  10. asmallsol

    asmallsol Super Moderator

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    these were a hit in my Computer Math class today :)

    Got to love a class that allows you to surf the internet all hour and get a math credit :) to senior blow off classes.
     
  11. civicious

    civicious FüK-VTEC VIP

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    a lot of those sound like lines from a Douglas Adams book...anyone ever read any of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books?


    i used to have that one in my Yahoo! signature.
     
  12. BodyDroppedNikes

    BodyDroppedNikes ...PENDEJO.... VIP

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    LMMFAO OMG i cant stop laughing. those were good!!
     
  13. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    i'm glad i'm here for your amusement :) :)
     
  14. Slo86GT

    Slo86GT Super Moderator

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    Damn those are old.... And still so funny. ;)
     
  15. hcivic.com

    hcivic.com Senior Member

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    damn with thos skills i could have got higher then 32% in english 30 ( shit no i coundn't have i didn't go to class)
     
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