how NOT to write

We may earn a small commission from affiliate links and paid advertisements. Terms

posol

RETIRED
Actual Similes and Metaphors Found in High School Essays



1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p. m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19 p. m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
East River

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a
college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on land
mine or something.

24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant

25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools

26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in
any pH cleanser.

29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it
to the wall.
 
Originally posted by Prowler@Mar 10 2004, 09:53 AM
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.


i couldn't stop laughing at that one. :lol:

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


That was the best one for me. :D
 
Originally posted by pissedoffsol@Mar 10 2004, 09:37 AM
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

wtf???

:lmao:

i'm having the worst day ever, thanks for making me laugh :)
 
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.


I can just imagine the kid thinking he just came up with a smart metaphor :lol:

23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on land
mine or something.


BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :lol: :) :p :spin:


I love waking up, surfing onto HS and reading B's useless but hilarious early morning posts. Really gets my day going! :worthy:
 
Originally posted by pissedoffsol@Mar 10 2004, 09:37 AM
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p. m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19 p. m. at a speed of 35 mph.

23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on land
mine or something.


those are my favorites .... but the rest were funny as hell too

:lmao:
 
these were a hit in my Computer Math class today :)

Got to love a class that allows you to surf the internet all hour and get a math credit :) to senior blow off classes.
 
a lot of those sound like lines from a Douglas Adams book...anyone ever read any of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books?

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond in exactly the way abowling ball wouldn't.

i used to have that one in my Yahoo! signature.
 
Originally posted by La_Pieuvre@Mar 10 2004, 01:01 PM
I love waking up, surfing onto HS and reading B's useless but hilarious early morning posts. Really gets my day going! :worthy:

i'm glad i'm here for your amusement :) :)
 
damn with thos skills i could have got higher then 32% in english 30 ( shit no i coundn't have i didn't go to class)
 
Back
Top