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How To Be A Street Ricer

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by whiterabbit06, Mar 18, 2008.

  1. whiterabbit06

    whiterabbit06 Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill? VIP

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    I found this looking around and thought this could clear up some of the confusion



    General Life Guide - 'Import Car'
    So, you’ve watched 'The Fast and the Furious' eight times, and you live by Dominic’s famous words, "I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free," you are a bonafide street racer. If you’re fat please don’t confuse this life motto with, "I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free," you’re just a bonafide fat ass.
    Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You don’t need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.
    [​IMG]

    Driving Techniques
    First, let’s discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you can’t let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:
    * ALWAYS drive fast, even if the next stoplight is only 500 feet away.
    * Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight. Make sure your front end is all up in the pedestrian crosswalk to let everyone know who is boss.
    * If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast. For example: If you are faced with the decision of either stopping behind a Dodge Caravan or a Ford Focus, choose the Focus even if you are almost at a stop already. Cutting people off makes them realize how fast and powerful your car is.
    * When driving in traffic: One word. Weave. Always try to get in front of people who are blocking your way to VTEC happiness. If someone refuses to heed to your Japanese balls of steel, drive about one foot behind them. This is international car talk for "Please move your vehicle when possible". If somebody honks at you, it is not because you are driving recklessly; it is simply horns of applause at your aggressive, talented driving.
    * When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win. Immediately go home and post on your favorite internet car forum that you raped a Mustang on the freeway. Then masturbate to the thought of your 4-cylinder naturally aspirated monster destroying an eight cylinder with low HP per liter, realizing that at sexual release, only the feeling of going into VTEC is better than jizzing in your hand. Don’t forget to wipe it up with your sock!
    [​IMG]

    Car Image
    The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you don’t need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):
    Step 1 - Lower your car: all street racers have lowered cars, without it, you might as well be driving a Yugo.
    + 5 Horse Power
    Step 2 - Body kit - Be sure to have a body kit on your import.If you can’t afford one, make it out of cardboard. If you can, don’t worry about painting it, this is not important to your street racing image.
    + 10 Horse Power
    [Extra Horse Power if your car has a primered body kit with a painted car and you leave it like that for 6 months or more. + 2 extra Horse Power]
    Step 3 - Carbon-Fiber anything: Carbon-Fiber makes your car lighter and faster.
    + 5 Horse Power
    Step 4 - Spoiler: The bigger, uglier, more obnoxious the better. A well-placed spoiler SCREAMS "Street Racer".
    + 7 Horse Power
    Step 5 - If you are a girl: be sure to show your Honda power with a pink, flowery sticker that says "Powered By [Your name here]" or better yet, "Powered By Bitch."
    + 2 Horse Power
    [Again, + 2 Horse Power more if the sticker color does not match your car at all]
    Step 6 - Muffler tip: Don’t waste your time doing your entire exhaust system. No street racer knows the difference anyways. Just go to your local muffler shop and pick up a 3 inch muffler tip. Sound is perhaps the most important aspect of your import.
    + 10 Horse Power
    FYI: Don’t have time/can’t afford a muffler tip? That’s OK! Just get a drill and put a golf-sized hole in your muffler. Works just as well! + 4 Horse Power
    Step 7 - Stickers: Stickers on your car enhance and add the much-desired Horse Power. They can be from anywhere, your local muffler shop, body shop, or the sticker from your favorite radio station.
    + 1 Horse Power for every sticker.
    Step 8 - Car Color: If you are Mexican, make sure some kind of neon color makes it onto your import. No need for professional paint, spray paint will do.
    + 10 Horse Power
    Step 9 - Your Nationality: Being short and Asian with spiky black hair gives you even more street cred…if you are ready to handle the attention, bleach the tips of your hair and bust out your Linkin Park/Jay-Z "Collision Course" CD
    + 10 Horse Power
    Step 10 - Tagging your Acura as a Honda: There is no greater sign of greatness in the import world. If you live in the U.S., tagging your Acura as a Honda gives you the BIGGEST penis on the block! You see, in Japan, Acuras are Hondas.
    + a billion Horse Power
    [​IMG]

    Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:
    Step 1 - Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for "Would you like to eat my dust?"
    Step 2 - When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:
    * "Your mom goes to college!"
    * "Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!"
    * "I slept with your girlfriend last night!"
    * "I put my wiener in your sister’s mouth last night!"

    Racing
    Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.

    Winning/ Losing
    Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who they’re dealing with:
    If you win, get in front of them and flash your hazards. This is international car talk for "Oh snap, I kicked your ass, you stupid bitch."
    If you lose, drive off with your head held high and don’t let them see you cry. Talk shit about them to your friends saying it doesn’t matter and their car was a piece of shit anyways, and if you had a better launch you would have won.

    Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life
    To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching porn and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or God’s own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time.
    [​IMG]
     
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  2. daveholiday

    daveholiday Do work

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    Such words of wisdom. Sticky, please.
     
  3. philyphreak2127

    philyphreak2127 Back in the Game

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    holy crap did you see the exhaust in the 3rd picture? straight up PRO-formance right thur. lol this shit is hilarious. the funniest part about it is I can easily name like 6 cars that live around me that follow every rule on here. there is some civic rollin around here with a cat back exhaust a huge aluminum spoiler, and a bumper wide sticker reading teamshowcase.com. the car is even automatic.
     
  4. tunercrazed

    tunercrazed HS Official Hippie

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    roflmao rep for you my friend
     
  5. INJEN78

    INJEN78 HS LEGEND

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    LIFE OF A STREETRICER documentary pt. 1:D
     
  6. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

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    :lol::lol:Best part
     
  7. whiterabbit06

    whiterabbit06 Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill? VIP

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    Thanks guys. Like I said there are soo many post lately about how do I make my car faster I thought this might clear up some stuff.
     
  8. drbelanger73

    drbelanger73 Beer is good for you.

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    That was hysterical...

    I'm peeling off my Acura logo right now!!!

    Is it +2 billion horsepower if i get a JDM honda logo AND a new driver sticker on my acura?
     
  9. LS_VTEC

    LS_VTEC you get the BRAKE

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  10. whiterabbit06

    whiterabbit06 Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill? VIP

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  11. tunercrazed

    tunercrazed HS Official Hippie

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    woot I'm not guilty of any of these =D
     
  12. INJEN78

    INJEN78 HS LEGEND

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    ive got tinted windows..lol and i rebadged my old acure as a honda
     
  13. daveholiday

    daveholiday Do work

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    I had my front windows matched to the rear factory tint in my Santa Fe, and I also put my 2 PB 10's in it. But, I also got the adapter to use my factory radio, and had the car dyno-matted. But then again, it is a Santa Fe, and not a super cool 1750 HP Escort :(
     
  14. drbelanger73

    drbelanger73 Beer is good for you.

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    My car is rice.

    I had to come to that conclusion it was slightly rice after I bought it.

    I am guilty of the axelback fart can, but we all know that all the horsepower in an xB is from the back axel...

    The 17" rims are real.

    I peeled off the aftermarket tint because it was a $250 per window ticket (i got away with a warning on that one, not all cops are scum). Though i did leave the little decorative peice above the front windshield.

    It isn't lowered. You don't lower cars in Maine. Ever. You only get a maybe four months or so with out some crap on the road you would rather drive over as opposed to through.

    All in all its not too bad, tasteful rice. I of course added a CAI short ram to it though. I couldn't resist. It's the family car so i can only go so far.

    As for the integra in process...

    Ok i was guilty on some fake carbon fiber stuff i will confess (rear lights). But i like the look and they cost less than new OEM ones. I did also buy a set of mirrors with the same look, but they didn't fit right and the motor hookup was all jacked up.

    I had intended to do the car up yellow with black highlights. I thought about buying some yellow and black racing seats to give it a little flash. I suppose i can get away on that one cause i was gonna buy the actual seat not a seat cover.

    I want lambo doors, not that they are worth the money. I just do and im not going to apologize or explain :D. Massive horsepower gain there.

    Ultimately i do intend to put a turbo on this thing after i drive it for a bit (read when i can afford it) so its all good.
     
  15. INJEN78

    INJEN78 HS LEGEND

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    JOHNNY RICER IN THE HOUSE-there is no such thing ass CAI SHORT RAM-you either have a cold air intake or a short ram intake..fake carbon fiber pieces=rice,lambo doors on anything that isnt lambo=rice..lol but hey just my opionion
     
  16. drbelanger73

    drbelanger73 Beer is good for you.

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    This is the intake:

    Fujita Short Ram Intake - Free Shipping

    Jeez I stand corrected lol.

    Just looked like a shorter version of a CAI to me i thought they were basically the same thing.

    And yes lambo doors are rice but they are fun. Its like my crossfire graphics cards. Are they really better than one? Not really. But they go to 11!!!
     
  17. YBLEGAL

    YBLEGAL Regular Member w/ Cheese

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    haha. no money spent for cosmetics exept replacing the altezza's that came with my car for OEM's. been 2 years and still no tint. i must be crazy, doin the things i sometimes do. hot boxing/fishbowl, etc :p

    unless a wire tuck and painted valve cover is considred ricer cosmetic? :shrug:

    alteast i went with blue, and not imitation type-r.
     
  18. YBLEGAL

    YBLEGAL Regular Member w/ Cheese

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    lol what? nooo crossfire is great. that's like having two cams instead of 1!! lol...

    that intake, AKA Hot Air Intake...
     
  19. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

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    i was at the car wash the other day and there were some individuals of a particular southern decent. (hard to not be racist...long story)

    missed the picture opportunity. they had a black jetta, chrome tint, silver flames, chrome wheels, aluminum spoiler and two 15's they were fucking blasting. i was annoyed as fuck. i wanted to put c4 in there tacos.
     
  20. drbelanger73

    drbelanger73 Beer is good for you.

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    well it is mounted on a scion xB, its not like its putting out massive power thats gonnaheat up the engine bay... Unless you are talking about sweating hamsters, then hell its a regular hotbox...

    dual graphics cards, dual cams...

    I´m gonna put a DOHC VTEC sticker on my computer now...
     
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