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I don't know how to feel right now....

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by formby, May 8, 2007.

  1. formby

    formby learning in progress

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    In the past few years i have always said that i hated kids and didn't want one until AT LEAST the ripe age of 32-36.

    my friend has a son and is having one from a one night stand. I told my self not even 6 weeks ago that " i would not let that happen to me".

    i look back and i feel so stupid because i said that knowing that i had gotten 2 girls pregnant in the past [they payed half].



    SO 1 month later; my wife "forgot" to put on her patch the sunday after her period. she told me and i knew that it wasnt there and that we had to wait until her next cycle to be safe.

    However, being married to a hot woman and being the horny fuck that i am. i did the dumbest thing i could have ever done.

    after my Bday around 4-13-07/4-16-07

    while intoxicated with xanax, alcohol, and some weed. I failed to pull out during one of the best lays i've had in a while.

    i didnt think anything of it because she washed and it was a while before she was to have he cycle.

    fast forward to last night [6 days late]

    the ept early test kit said pregnant not even 10 seconds into the test. so this morning with her first pee of the day she took the test again and its the same result.

    she is my wife and i love her and i know that i may have a baby coming but i don't feel ready. i hardly know how to take care of my wife and i. i wanted to finish college, save money, buy a house, travel the world then maybe THINK about having one.

    i have a steady job but i only make 30k and she hardly breaks 26k. i have NO money saved and i just got a letter from an attorney saying that i owe target corp 1k for something that happened in 2000 when i was a minor.

    my dad might frown on this because i've not finished college and i don't have the funds. but i would make him a grandpa.

    my mom would be delighted but she isn't the one paying the bills.

    then the fact that i don't want to use welfare. i've always frowned upon people that abuse it. but if push comes to shove i wouldn't let my infant go hungry because of my pride.

    by welfare i mean WIC, & whatever health care my wife would need since we don't have insurance. so in this regard i have mixed feelings.

    when it comes to my earnings. i have the ability to double my pay by staying after work and doing outbound calls. so in that regard i feel confident that if a bust my ass i could make 60k by the time the baby in born. but the chances are slim.


    the only reason that i am posting this thread is because i don't have any one that i feel comfortable telling this, this early.
    & i think you guys wouldn't sugar coat it.


    ohhh

    i did tell my dads secretary. she is like my 2nd mom and i trust her with my life. she was happy for me but told me not to tell family or people until at least 2months. just to make sure its for real.

    so what do you think about this? :mellow:
     
  2. LSacuragirl90

    LSacuragirl90 Get the Point

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    I think that in the end that it will work out just take a deep breathe :)
     
  3. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    my sister didn't tell anyone besides my parents for 2 months, as she had 2 miscarraiegs before hand. its a common thing.

    Coat hanger?
    PHDTS?

    naw. i think you're just scared... and rightfully so. but this is your wife.
    you make enough money. you can do it.

    my brother in law makes your salary.
    my sister doesn't work.
    they have 2 kids (1 and 3) and a house.
    they live tight, but they live.


    the big thing is to get a job with health insurance. if your company doesn't offer it, go somewhere else.
     
  4. TommyTheCat

    TommyTheCat Gonzo Scientist

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    Welfare and Unemployment are not things to feel guilty about using. You pay into them, and at some point you should feel comfotable using them properly. If you need to transition between jobs or something unexpected happens (like a kid) you shouldn't feel like a dreg just because you use these resources that have been set up to help people - like you - who need them.

    Of course people that stay on it for years and years should feel like shit, they obviously aren't moving on/up.
     
  5. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    You got laid....and your having a kid.....I hate you!!!!


    welp...congrat's...keep it. Love it, and pamper the living shit out of it. Your lucky. Money is only a thing...she works, you work, thats more than a nice income to buy a house in Florida....or even rent one. She'll be out of work for a while...but don't let that get you down. Somehow you'll manage. If second job is required...then jump on it. I do know of a few job that will pay better than that...but you will have to clean up on the drugs...and possibly move...but a new baby deserves a new start....and sometimes a new location. Sik is hireing again...and even in FL. Post for a job, use my name and hope for the best.

    I'm 35 years old, finally got a house, plenty of toys, decent job, raking in money to play with toys...but the shit happened to my life when the wife got MS, had other medical problems, doesn't have the nerve to pop one out, and wants to do college. Of course she doesn't work, or have an income...so I'm stuck covering all the bills except for her college...her mom covers that. It's a good thing I love her and that she's a good cook...or she would be deported in a heartbeat.:ph34r:

    And I'm the last Pace....so when I go kaput...my family name goes kaput.
     
  6. formby

    formby learning in progress

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    the job she just started offers HI but she wont qualify until june.

    i'm going to research the programs available in my area. but my main issue is making sure she gets all the medical she needs.

    thanks... i will love "it" with all my heart. but i don't want it to go with out necessities.

    could you hook me up with a link... google no help when i type "Sik"
     
  7. MoSeS

    MoSeS New Member

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    wic is not welfare. anybody can get it no matter what your income is. it just provides you with foods that your wife will need while she is pregnant. after the baby is born it provides you with 10 cans of formula a month. you should be ok, im pretty certain you make more money than i do and my family is fine. im almost done with school so dont think you cant do both, if i can you can.
     
  8. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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  9. MoSeS

    MoSeS New Member

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    oh and just so you know i only clear about 25k a year right now and i am making it ok. last year i only made 11k and it was a huge struggle just to survive, if you can clear 60k you shouldnt have any problem at all.
     
  10. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    if you can install a stereo and run wires to an amp...then the electrical installers C is perfect. Easy job, challenging enough to keep you awake, great pay, and full beni's.
     
  11. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Airjockie.


    Congratulations ! I'm actually happy to hear it, because I know you'll be a good father, and she a good mother. I have the right to say things like this because I've met you and hung out with you (And watched you hold my girlfriend while your tequila made her cry)

    You're a really good guy, and I think things will work out the best. It doesn't matter that you make "enough" money. No one makes "enough" money for kids, or a house for that matter. The fact that you now make money is what is important, any amount of it.

    "she is my wife and i love her and i know that i may have a baby coming but i don't feel ready. i hardly know how to take care of my wife and i. i wanted to finish college, save money, buy a house, travel the world then maybe THINK about having one."

    Sorry, but this is a pipe dream for anyone in our class. Only the rich, the born-rich and the leeches get to tour the world and do the things that we want. If you waited for this to happen, you would be too old to have kids.

    Airjockie has toured the world, lived the life, and the horrible injustice is that it's too late for him to have his own kids (But he keeps trying to get me pregnant). Airjockie did it through taking lots of risks and joining the military. Or the other way around. Either way more than once he's put everything on the line to experience something.

    And if that's what you're looking for, you have to first ditch this fear of failure. You have to shake free from the illusion that you can't do right because of the amount of green in your pocket. And you have to stop worrying so much about nature's ways.

    "i have a steady job but i only make 30k and she hardly breaks 26k. i have NO money saved "

    You're still better off than 70% of this country, and like 99% of the world. You're in a good place to have a kid. Luckily, you're the crazy one of your relationship - And you don't have to worry about your wife doing stupid shit. She may be boring, but she tolerates a lot of shit in an effort to maintain a plateau of reliability. This is where her and my Susan are on common grounds.

    Finally you need to realise that everyone of us is profoundly fucked up in the head, and that very few people actually like their lives. Like you, I too are waiting for things to be PERFECT to conceive, but I also realise that I'm likely wasting my time in waiting. I'm still working towards my own truths.

    Unlike you, however, I don't get out of control and wind up in regret. You need to shake that shit and you need to shake it now. You were stoned and drunk and didn't pull out. Next time you'll be stoned or drunk and you'll fall on a knife / get hit by a bus / get into a wreck (I know you're very good with the drinking and driving now) or anything. You've got to keep your wits about you 24/7/365.

    This isn't a brow-beating speech to you, this is something that we all need to remind ourselves of. As far as this little rant relating to you : I have to congratulate you on this one, because I know you'll do great.


    Also, as far as your parents, you'd be surprised. I mean this is your wife, and you have a job / place to live. You're ready and able, but you have no choice on the "willing" now. You've got to find "willing" or everything you have ever fought for in your life will be done. Dead. Caput.
     
  12. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) is actually a program from the American Dairy council as a way to distribute dairy products to the market without them going bad.
     
  13. klyph

    klyph Dismember VIP

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    CONGRATULATIONS!

    Seriously, when my gf told me she was preggo, I about shit a brick. I worried my ass off, and now that I look back on it, it was so stupid of me. Having a child is the BEST THING EVER. Sure it's expensive, but it's very much worth every penny. I've never received as much pride and satisfaction as I have from my little baby girl. Trust me, don't worry, try to relax, and enjoy everything about it that you possibly can.
    About the WIC program. Do it. There is zero reason you should feel guilty about using it. Normally I am against all things remotely socialist, but hey, if you and I don't use it, There are millions of other people who will anyways. You might as well ride that gravy train as far as it will take you. My gf qualified for a program where our child got free healthcare for the entire pregnancy, delivery, and first year after. It has saved us thousands and thousands of dollars. We were able to get it because we're not married, so they don't count my income, but if there is any assistance program that you can qualify for, go for it. Do I feel guilty about using all of you fine people's tax dollars to pay for my childs healthcare? Hell fuckin no.
     
  14. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    I work at Sik, and I'm already in the 40's to this week. ;)

    Half of my paycheck would suit me fine if I lived in Florida.^_^
     
  15. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    My god, you reproduced ?
     
  16. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

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    If you're honestly not ready, perhaps your best bet is to abort (depending on your feelings of that option) or to give the baby up for adoption.

    I can't let go of a girl that I care about, let alone the fruit of my loins - so adoption would be out of the question for myself. If the baby were birthed, I just couldn't give it up. Abortion on the other hand, I would feel more comfortable using as an option if it were necessary.

    As is, most people are said to be scared when they find out they're having a child, just like the fear that comes over most right before marriage. The thing is you could manage the situation if you want to grow up and you want to change.

    Bumping lines of prescription pills is idiotic as it is, drop the nasty habit and start feeling better through other means in your life. The booze leave you feeling great for a sort while and then feeling terrible in the coming days, its simply not intelligent to live out of a bottle. As for the weed, people in their young age like to experiment and have a good time but I truly feel that its a phase of your life that you should grow out of - its only holding you back. People can say as much as they like supporting weed, but notice its mostly all young, naive people who don't know any better - they don't know how it makes you lethargic and how it eats your dreams through absorbing all your motivation.

    I enjoy the up's associated with all the vices that you have, but the down's are what should be opening your eyes and guiding your decisions.

    I know personally after I graduate college in a year that I'm probably never going to touch another 'drug' in my life. Alcohol will become a rarity except for wine and maybe a 6pack in a month.
     
  17. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    Cliff has a kid :eek: ...damn...I'm going to be the only HS member to not have any kids at this rate....(Besides B :D )

    Time to look into adopting some young Malaysian 16 year old girl....errr.... or....:whistling:


    And Cel's post made me cry.....damn you Cel!!!...I miss seeing your tiny ass in my garage while working on a car....:boff:
     
  18. klyph

    klyph Dismember VIP

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    I would never suggest abortion. You'd have to be one heartless son of a bitch to create a life and then destroy it senselessly. You made the decision to have sex, you are now obligated to, at the very least, bring this child into the world and give it a chance at life.
     
  19. klyph

    klyph Dismember VIP

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    :yes:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Congrats Formby!!!!!! Chill out, It's Awesome.
     
  20. totalburnout

    totalburnout Well-Known Member VIP

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    Thats one person's opinion.

    You're entitled to that, but my opinion differs entirely.
     
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