phyregod
!!YTINASNI
Well, seven o'clock this morning, I woke up. I took a shower and had sex with my wife.. nice, lazy,slow morning sex... Then I got dressed and went to school to pick up a few of my things. My friend needs to borrow my soldering iron and it was at school.. While I was there I picked up my dewalt, a couple of pairs of klein "snips" and a few other tools. I feel strangely like I'm stealing, but I'm not.. Its all mine.
I dropped em off in my car and went to get a bite to eat at a mom and pop burger joint called "The Snak Shak" that was within walking distance...
On my way back out to the place where I parked my car (ghetto-projects area) I found that my beater (a 1981 chevrolet caprice, blue and ugly, a few dings and primer spots) had been totaled. It was freaking mangled beyond totaled. Another blue 4 door american boat of a rust bucket car was literally sitting on top of my car. It had hit it from the front and plowed itself up backwards-doggy style. The fucker who was driving was long gone and all of the 'projektz folks were outside staring at my new pile of shit.
I'm pissed, but what the hell can I do?? Fuck it, it was my beater. I only had Liability and the car only cost me $900 bucks. I can live with that.
I went to get my tools and found that the trunk was open. Most of the tools were gone. My dewalt was gone along with my soldering iron.. Did that fucker total my car and then jack its contents?? Naa.. Trunk probably popped open on impact and the projects folks got em. I collected what was left and was headed back to the burger joint to call pops for a ride. I found both pairs of klein scissors by the road. The car jacker had lost $50 bucks worth of the best damned scissors that exist. I collected them.
Pops picked me up and gave me a ride back to my house where I picked up my civic. A couple of hours later I went back over to the projects to get the rest of my belongings out of the car and call a tow truck, but it was gone. The locals told me that the cars were towed. Fine.. only one tow company in town, wouldn't be hard to track down.
Then I started having a bad day.
I headed over to the city's junk/tow/auto yard to find my car. I found the tow guy.. and my dewalt. It was sitting right there on the table in his fucking shop. Hes a dirty old redneck who is always drunk as hell.. Garret Petis.. I've bonded him for every drinking charge known to man. Twice. Anyway, I'm eyeballing my dwalt checking it over.. the scratches are right.. everything is checking out, then I see it. A big black thumb print from when I was doing a polish on my b18 head.. It is for certain mine.. But I play it cool. I ask him where my car is and he says, "whut carr?" so I figure he's been passed out all day and someone else towed it.. I head out to the lot and can't find my car or the other guy's car anywhere. So I go back and ask him again and he starts laughing. I tell him its not funny, and that he can fuck himself. I also let him know that I WILL be taking MY dewalt back. He gets this "oh fuck" look on his face and goes to grab something. I don't know what.. I didn't want to know what. So I grabbed a piece of half-inch thick steel bar and whack the shit out of his head. He falls over. I'm freaking out now.. He is just laying there.. no groans or anything.. I run over to him and ask if he is ok.. I shake his arm.. he is laying in a pool of blood already larger than his head.. There is a big impression where the bar hit him. Gashed wide open. So I fucking panicked. I grabbed my dewalt and looked around for my soldering iron for a second (didn't find it) and hauled ass.
On my way back to the civic I found my dad. He was looking for a front cowling for his 66 chevy pickup. He'd found one but it was rusted pretty bad.. I had to keep him out of that fucking shop so I told him that they were being assholes and wouldn't tell me where my car was being kept. He kinda throws the cowling down and looks at me kinda mad and tells me that it was in the back, like 4 cars over from where my car was sitting. I must have missed it... Wait.. why is dad pissed?.. He picks up his cowling and heads to his truck. Does he know? I don't know.. FUCK.. What now?
I'm about to leave when I see a festival kind of thing going on a block down the road. With a fairly long line of people. Mostly black women. I run over there and try to mix with the crowd and jump in line. There is nice happy music, kind of an african note to it. everyone is kind of dancing. The kind of dancing that people do when they aren't supposed to dance.. Just slight movements, shaking from side to side and wiggling their asses just a little. The line is very tight. people are jumping into the middle so often that its starting to get a little personal. Everyone is now rubbing on one another. I'm right behind a slightly overweight sweaty black woman. I'm pretty grossed out. Then a guy cuts in front of me. Hell, gimme the woman back.
I'm busy trying not to grind the ass of they guy in front of me when a HOT little black chick with a nice NICE booty jumps in front of me. She's dancing a little more than the rest of the people around.. Shes having a blast. She turns around and looks at me and gives me the "I'm sly-naughty" look then turns back around. She backs right up to me and starts grinding on my crotch with that big round ass. She isn't wearing panties and she has on thin white shorts. I've gone from hell to heaven. Nice music, hot chick grinding on me.. I'm just mentaly overwhelmed. We get up to the middle of the line and there is a white guy with a bird bath looking thing, and the people in the line are, one at a time, stepping into this cement thing that is sittin gon a pedistal about a foot off of the ground. In the bath there is about 13 inches of water. Enough to hit most people mid-calf. Hes washing their hair. She gets her hair cleaned, I pass, we continue on in the line. Her hair smells great. Kinda fruity. She starts the bump and grind back up. I still have wood from last time. She notices and starts grinding just exactly right. We're dancing and happy. We get to the front of the line and it was for punch. That big line, for a glass of punch. She gets hers and skips off, never even looking at me except for that one time. I reach for a glass of punch. They hand me water. I'm confused. Whatever.
Then I open my eyes. Its Noon and my neck hurts like hell. I have a headache. Time to get up and get some breakfast. But only broth.. because I'm finally on the flip side of this wonderful stomach virus and I certainly don't want to piss that thing off again. Wait.. I didn't kill anyone. I'm ecstatic.
I dropped em off in my car and went to get a bite to eat at a mom and pop burger joint called "The Snak Shak" that was within walking distance...
On my way back out to the place where I parked my car (ghetto-projects area) I found that my beater (a 1981 chevrolet caprice, blue and ugly, a few dings and primer spots) had been totaled. It was freaking mangled beyond totaled. Another blue 4 door american boat of a rust bucket car was literally sitting on top of my car. It had hit it from the front and plowed itself up backwards-doggy style. The fucker who was driving was long gone and all of the 'projektz folks were outside staring at my new pile of shit.
I'm pissed, but what the hell can I do?? Fuck it, it was my beater. I only had Liability and the car only cost me $900 bucks. I can live with that.
I went to get my tools and found that the trunk was open. Most of the tools were gone. My dewalt was gone along with my soldering iron.. Did that fucker total my car and then jack its contents?? Naa.. Trunk probably popped open on impact and the projects folks got em. I collected what was left and was headed back to the burger joint to call pops for a ride. I found both pairs of klein scissors by the road. The car jacker had lost $50 bucks worth of the best damned scissors that exist. I collected them.
Pops picked me up and gave me a ride back to my house where I picked up my civic. A couple of hours later I went back over to the projects to get the rest of my belongings out of the car and call a tow truck, but it was gone. The locals told me that the cars were towed. Fine.. only one tow company in town, wouldn't be hard to track down.
Then I started having a bad day.
I headed over to the city's junk/tow/auto yard to find my car. I found the tow guy.. and my dewalt. It was sitting right there on the table in his fucking shop. Hes a dirty old redneck who is always drunk as hell.. Garret Petis.. I've bonded him for every drinking charge known to man. Twice. Anyway, I'm eyeballing my dwalt checking it over.. the scratches are right.. everything is checking out, then I see it. A big black thumb print from when I was doing a polish on my b18 head.. It is for certain mine.. But I play it cool. I ask him where my car is and he says, "whut carr?" so I figure he's been passed out all day and someone else towed it.. I head out to the lot and can't find my car or the other guy's car anywhere. So I go back and ask him again and he starts laughing. I tell him its not funny, and that he can fuck himself. I also let him know that I WILL be taking MY dewalt back. He gets this "oh fuck" look on his face and goes to grab something. I don't know what.. I didn't want to know what. So I grabbed a piece of half-inch thick steel bar and whack the shit out of his head. He falls over. I'm freaking out now.. He is just laying there.. no groans or anything.. I run over to him and ask if he is ok.. I shake his arm.. he is laying in a pool of blood already larger than his head.. There is a big impression where the bar hit him. Gashed wide open. So I fucking panicked. I grabbed my dewalt and looked around for my soldering iron for a second (didn't find it) and hauled ass.
On my way back to the civic I found my dad. He was looking for a front cowling for his 66 chevy pickup. He'd found one but it was rusted pretty bad.. I had to keep him out of that fucking shop so I told him that they were being assholes and wouldn't tell me where my car was being kept. He kinda throws the cowling down and looks at me kinda mad and tells me that it was in the back, like 4 cars over from where my car was sitting. I must have missed it... Wait.. why is dad pissed?.. He picks up his cowling and heads to his truck. Does he know? I don't know.. FUCK.. What now?
I'm about to leave when I see a festival kind of thing going on a block down the road. With a fairly long line of people. Mostly black women. I run over there and try to mix with the crowd and jump in line. There is nice happy music, kind of an african note to it. everyone is kind of dancing. The kind of dancing that people do when they aren't supposed to dance.. Just slight movements, shaking from side to side and wiggling their asses just a little. The line is very tight. people are jumping into the middle so often that its starting to get a little personal. Everyone is now rubbing on one another. I'm right behind a slightly overweight sweaty black woman. I'm pretty grossed out. Then a guy cuts in front of me. Hell, gimme the woman back.
I'm busy trying not to grind the ass of they guy in front of me when a HOT little black chick with a nice NICE booty jumps in front of me. She's dancing a little more than the rest of the people around.. Shes having a blast. She turns around and looks at me and gives me the "I'm sly-naughty" look then turns back around. She backs right up to me and starts grinding on my crotch with that big round ass. She isn't wearing panties and she has on thin white shorts. I've gone from hell to heaven. Nice music, hot chick grinding on me.. I'm just mentaly overwhelmed. We get up to the middle of the line and there is a white guy with a bird bath looking thing, and the people in the line are, one at a time, stepping into this cement thing that is sittin gon a pedistal about a foot off of the ground. In the bath there is about 13 inches of water. Enough to hit most people mid-calf. Hes washing their hair. She gets her hair cleaned, I pass, we continue on in the line. Her hair smells great. Kinda fruity. She starts the bump and grind back up. I still have wood from last time. She notices and starts grinding just exactly right. We're dancing and happy. We get to the front of the line and it was for punch. That big line, for a glass of punch. She gets hers and skips off, never even looking at me except for that one time. I reach for a glass of punch. They hand me water. I'm confused. Whatever.
Then I open my eyes. Its Noon and my neck hurts like hell. I have a headache. Time to get up and get some breakfast. But only broth.. because I'm finally on the flip side of this wonderful stomach virus and I certainly don't want to piss that thing off again. Wait.. I didn't kill anyone. I'm ecstatic.
