I never needed this until now.

[jamesA]

I checked my facebook this morning to find a new message from her from last night. She apologized for taking so long to respond, meaning she probably just saw it.

Anyway, the meat and potatoes of it all comes down to her not really looking or dating at the moment because of school and work. I'm alright with that, but I'd still like to take her out to dinner sometime as friends. Maybe that'll help to pave the way later on. I'm just not quite sure how to respond to it at the moment. I suck at thinking in the mornings.

 

[double0Si]

 

[Battle Pope]

At least she responded at all.

 

[jamesA]

I knew she would, and I knew I sent that right in the middle of finals too. I'm not surprised it took 6 days short of a month.

 

[Briansol]

If you're interested in dating her, do NOT take her out as friends.... you'll be stuck there forever.

 

[95b16coupe]

If you're interested in dating her, do NOT take her out as friends.... you'll be stuck there forever.

x41651561451435134

i hate to break your heart, but girls ALWAYS have time for a man.

i feel that she either:

A) is seeing someone or sleeping with someone already

or

B) she's just not that into you

 

[reikoshea]

x41651561451435134

i hate to break your heart, but girls ALWAYS have time for a man.

i feel that she either:

A) is seeing someone or sleeping with someone already

or

B) she's just not that into you

+1

B) can be fixed with the above comment:

"Girls ALWAYS have time for a man".

Now, im gonna say, I've only met you once, but you come off as meek, and in most cases, especially with women that are super confident, that is unattractive.

Now you dont have to be a collar popping douche bag, but you have to come off with a certain authority as well.

A meek guy says something like "Are you free this week? No? Okay."

A confident guy says something like "I'd like to take you out for sushi on thursday."

There is a definite difference in how each is heard by the female mind. Again, it is possible to have a ton of confidence in the way you speak and present yourself without coming off all douchebagish. Just give it some thought man.

I completely agree with the above statement. I've never known a chick not to have time for a man unless she was already seeing someone and keeping it on the DL.

 

[|Chaz|]

Saying she's busy is just a "get out of saying no" free card for girls.

 

[jamesA]

x41651561451435134

i hate to break your heart, but girls ALWAYS have time for a man.

i feel that she either:

A) is seeing someone or sleeping with someone already

or

B) she's just not that into you

so school nightly and a full time job cant be her priority right now? shes going for an mba... that to me shows shes not looking for a relationship. otherwise i know shed have one right now. you always take the pessimist view on everything. i may be meek but when i go for something i want im pushy and relentless. reiko, yeah you met me once at a party in another state with alot of ppl i didnt know... and i was already drunk.

 

[UNDR8D]

They are right though. Ask yourself this...If you had all those things going on, wouldn't you still make time for pussy? I would and have.

 

[Jeef]

They are right. Sorry to say it. She could find a free night, a couple of hours on the weekend, or after work or school if she was interested. Even if she couldn't there would be time for her to send an email and catch up that way. If you are still interested give it a month or so to drop her a line. I wouldn't but you never know it could work.
Whatever you do, stay away from the friend zone.

 

[95b16coupe]

so school nightly and a full time job cant be her priority right now?

it can be her priority, but it doesn't me she doesn't have time for a boyfriend (or someone to have no strings sex). find me a woman out there that doesn't need companionship and someone to talk to. someone to spend time with that makes her happy and takes away the stresses of life. it's not about priorities, it's about desires. if they WANT something, they will fit it in.

shes going for an mba... that to me shows shes not looking for a relationship.

well, thats you. most people in mba programs are married and/or have kids. people make it work. she very well could not have time for a relationship. but if brad pitt or paul walker came strolling through, i bet she would have all the time in the world.

 

[jamesA]

They are right though. Ask yourself this...If you had all those things going on, wouldn't you still make time for pussy? I would and have.

Well thats you. I don't go out and look to get laid all the time. Its not a priority for me.

While I understand your perceptions and opinions, everyone is different. I can't say you're wrong but you can't tell me 100% you're correct either. I won't be giving up anytime soon either way, because she went on to ask me how I've been, whats been going on with me since I left Ingram, etc... I'll just play it by ear I guess and see what the chances are in the future.

I'm not too worked up about it either way, I'm not going to go slit my wrists if it ends up going nowhere.

 

[95b16coupe]

I'm not too worked up about it either way, I'm not going to go slit my wrists if it ends up going nowhere.

dude, that the friggen' problem though. from the perception that you gave to HS, you REALLY like this girl and would love to have an opportunity with her.

if you are indifferent about stuff, you'll never get it. have some ambition or desire for something. sheesh. if you approach life with a "meh" attitude, you are going to live a "meh" type life.

 

[jamesA]

You're not getting my point. If I see my chance I'll jump all over it with no regrets, but I'm not going to be torn up about it if it doesn't work out. I like her yes, but theres plenty of other fish in the sea too.

I don't approach life with a "meh" attitude, I simply try to not let little things bring my life down to the "meh" attitude.

 

[Briansol]

The problem here is that even if she didn't have time to date you seriously, she would still like to be taken out every now and then if she was interested.

It really just sounds like she's not interested.

 

[klyph]

meh.

 

[SlushboxTeggy]

it can be her priority, but it doesn't me she doesn't have time for a boyfriend (or someone to have no strings sex). find me a woman out there that doesn't need companionship and someone to talk to. someone to spend time with that makes her happy and takes away the stresses of life. it's not about priorities, it's about desires. if they WANT something, they will fit it in.

Wrong. Sometimes there is truly not enough time. My last job is proof. Not only did I not have time to pursue a girlfriend, I nearly lost friends because I had no time to hang out.

well, thats you. most people in mba programs are married and/or have kids. people make it work. she very well could not have time for a relationship. but if brad pitt or paul walker came strolling through, i bet she would have all the time in the world.

Not most people. I'd say less than a quarter of the people in my program have wives or families. And those people don't go full-time. They take one class, maybe two. One guy in my program nearly had a nervous breakdown going full time with a family. He said he will be taking one class next semester. Grad students not working full-time barely see the light of day. One that is, probably doesn't.

My advice, seeing as I have a little experience with a few of these trends, keep in contact. Get her number. Figure out which days she has tons of work, and which days she has a lighter load. On the lighter days, give her an incentive. Joke with her. "If you finish your work I'll take you out for dinner/bowling/face-fucking". Whatever she likes. As a grad student myself, work gets done faster when you have something fun to do when you're done.

Like B said, Don't get put in the friend zone. I'm not saying put your tongue down her throat on the first night, but if it's date 3 and you haven't, you probably won't. Test the waters. Put your hand on her thigh, or around her, or whatever you feel comfortable with. Just do it with confidence. No yawn and reach shit.

I don't think you're out of it. Honestly, she doesn't even know you that well. Get to know each other. Even if she's "not interested", she could become interested. I've been in this situation. I dropped the ball after about a month, but I know it is possible to sway opinion.

 

[95b16coupe]

Wrong. Sometimes there is truly not enough time. My last job is proof. Not only did I not have time to pursue a girlfriend, I nearly lost friends because I had no time to hang out.

pursue is the key word here. if you had some super hot girl that was in some of your classes, worked with you, or lived near you, i'm sure you would have had time for her because she would always be around. you could have lunches, dinners, study sessions etc. even if she came over at 11pm to just sleep before work the next day.

i have worked and gone to school, i make time for stuff i want to do. if i want to play video games, i have time for that. if i want to surf the web, theres time for that. if the girl/guy is intriguing enough, i will skip a couple hours of sleep for them.

 

[invisibledemon]

i think your mistake was being far too forward with the first message.
should have started off slow with the "how have you been" blah blah blah.

but, its all a game of chess. its your move.