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If Santa answered his mail honestly...

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by CRX-YEM, Dec 22, 2003.

  1. CRX-YEM

    CRX-YEM Super Moderator Moderator VIP

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    If Santa answered his mail honestly...
    ----------------------------------------------

    Dear Santa
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
    Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
    How about I send you a damn book so you can learn to read and write?
    I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
    Santa
    -------------------------------------------
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and

    joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you,
    didn't they?
    Santa
    ---------------------------------------------
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
    I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you
    can do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a
    screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come
    back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up

    that dream. Let me get you some nice Leggos instead.
    Santa
    --------------------------------------------------
    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit,
    a pony and a tuba.
    Love,
    Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
    Santa
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your

    reindeer outside the back door.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding
    in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
    Santa
    --------------------------------------------------
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
    of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and
    squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps
    table. Hey, you wanted to know.
    Santa
    -----------------------------------------------------

    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like
    in the song?
    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
    your house.
    Santa
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
    could I have one?
    Timmy

    Dear Timmy,
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
    work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
    Santa
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love,
    Marky

    Dear Mark,
    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
    whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
    low-rent
    apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
    through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa
     
  2. asmallsol

    asmallsol Super Moderator

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    LOL I think I read that before, but it's still great.
     
  3. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    yup- def a repost :) but still funny
     
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