Joke of the Day

We may earn a small commission from affiliate links and paid advertisements. Terms

dveit

dveit

Well-Known Member
VIP
I gotta try this...


One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
 
Redemption joke:

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."
 
Half of that joke is totally missing !


Why don't the British make a computer yet ?







They haven't found a way to make it leak oil.
 
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed.[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."[/FONT]
 
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the fucking safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money". "Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your fuckingg head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

"[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

"Not that fucking difficult is it?" he says[/FONT]
 
What is the difference between girls aged:
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?


At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
alice-50.jpg

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
18.jpg

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
dotz.jpg


At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
t22654.jpg


At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
leslie_carlson.jpg

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
29369_icon_50.jpg

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
50a46102d554fb754ef1b6d9fa855240.jpg
 
Wow, a joke thread without one bad joke. That is a rarity. I truly laughed at every one.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top