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Joke(s) Of The Day

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by CRX-YEM, Apr 29, 2003.

  1. CRX-YEM

    CRX-YEM Super Moderator Moderator VIP

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    Little Tommy

    A stranger was seated next to Little Tommy on the plane when the stranger
    turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go
    quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
    fellow passenger."

    Little Tommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to
    thestranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

    "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

    "OK," said Little Tommy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me
    askyou a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same
    stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
    patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that
    is?"

    "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

    "Well, then," said Little Tommy, "How is it that you feel qualified to
    discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

    --

    A pastor goes to a nursing home to visit an elderly parishioner.
    As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and
    takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and
    eatsone after another. By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is
    empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of
    your peanuts."That's O.K.," she says. "They would have just sat there anyway.
    Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put'em back in
    the bowl."

    --

    :spin:
     
  2. phunky.buddha

    phunky.buddha Admin with a big stick Admin VIP

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    1st one - heard it before, but still good
    2nd one - ewwwwwwwwwww :puke:
     
  3. Tonyd0821

    Tonyd0821 Banned

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    Saddam Husseins's body doubles, all 10 of them,
    were sitted in a conference room when the minister of
    information walks in.

    The ministers says: "I have good news and I have bad news"

    "The good news is our beloved leader Saddam Hussein is still alive!!!
    The bad news is that he lost his right arm"
     
  4. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    What do you call a bunch of tractors sitting outside a McDonalds in Arkansas?

    Senior Prom.
     
  5. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.

    One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she's touched there. So they go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him,

    "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

    The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the
    curtains for privacy. Anything is worth a try, the husband thinks so
    he finally agrees and goes into his wife's room.

    After a few minutes the woman's monitor shows a flatline... no pulse...no heart rate.

    The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling
    up his pants and says,

    "I think she choked."
     
  6. sisteve

    sisteve Guest

    ahhhhhhhhh thats great :)
     
  7. Lee

    Lee Senior Member

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    lol our prom was a few weeks ago .....
     
  8. SpyOneUSN

    SpyOneUSN Senior Member

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    an old man in a nursing home is goin on 95 and hasnt been laid in 30 years. everyday he sees the same old woman and desperately wants to bang her. after a few months, he finally works up the courage and says "i havent had sex in 30 years, and i want to do it one more time before i die, can you help me?" the old bag replies, "sure, but you have to go down on me first." so the old man happily sez ok and off they go into the room. after he removes the trashbag sized panties, he starts munchin but stops after only a few seconds. "im sorry" he says "it just smells way too bad down there, it hink im gonna pass out if i go on." the old woman says, im sorry, it must be my arthritus." confused, the old man replies, "surely arthritus wouldnt cause it to smell down there?" "no" the old lady sez, "the arthritus is in my shoulders, i cant wipe my ass."
     
  9. B16

    B16 Super Moderator VIP

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    :lol: these are good
     
  10. caffeind

    caffeind Senior Member

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    i almost puked just then

    What do you call a masturbating cow?

    beef stroganoff - old i know, but hey, i'm stupid so it's okay
     
  11. liquin

    liquin Member

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    What is the diff. between sand and after-birth?
































    You can't garggle (sp?) after-birth.
     
  12. liquin

    liquin Member

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    eeer, sand. sorry.
     
  13. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    umm i don't ge tthat one at all

    the cow one is bad ass
    i lmao'ed on that one :) :) :)
     
  14. CRX-YEM

    CRX-YEM Super Moderator Moderator VIP

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    How do you know when a polish american princess has an orgasm ?














    She drops her nail file.
     
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