1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Jokes of the Day

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Celerity, Dec 5, 2006.

  1. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    21,969
    Likes Received:
    146
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2003
    Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
    creature?"
    Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services
    for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
    there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the
    creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think
    $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
    Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why
    didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

    ________________________________

    DONATION

    Father O'Malley answers the phone.

    "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

    "It is"

    "This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

    "I can"

    "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

    "I do"

    "Is he a member of your congregation?"

    "He is"

    "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

    "He will".

    ________________________________

    CONFESSION

    An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following
    conversation ensues:

    Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
    children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up
    two college girls, hitchhiking we went to a motel, where I had sex with
    each of them three times."

    Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

    Man: "What sins?"

    Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

    Man: "I'm Jewish."

    Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

    Man: "I'm telling everybody."

    ________________________________

    BROTHEL TRIP

    An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
    like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man
    and asks how old he is.

    "I'm 98 years old," he says.

    "98!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
    "Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"

    ________________________________

    PEST CONTROL A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector
    from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on
    in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

    "Quick," said the woman to her lover," into the closet!" and she
    pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

    The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the
    bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

    "Who are you?" he asked him. "

    I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

    "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

    "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,"
    the man replied.

    "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

    The man looked down at himself and said. "Those little bastards."
     
  2. CRX-YEM

    CRX-YEM Super Moderator Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    4,623
    Likes Received:
    54
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Location:
    Wallingford, CT
    semi funny, brought a tad bit of a gut chuckle
     
  3. Seany-izzle

    Seany-izzle New Member

    Messages:
    7,738
    Likes Received:
    8
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Location:
    In a fucking house.
    bahahaha @ Pest Control
     
  4. Bob Vila

    Bob Vila ɐןıʌ qoq Admin VIP

    Messages:
    4,670
    Likes Received:
    57
    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2003
    Location:
    Bristol, Ct.
  5. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

    Messages:
    11,091
    Likes Received:
    408
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2002
    Location:
    Washington
    Good ones. I'm a catholic so those definately hit home.
     
  6. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

    Messages:
    9,392
    Likes Received:
    245
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    Location:
    New Jersey
    I liked the confession and the pest control.
     
Verification:
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page