1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Male Etiquette

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Havok, Feb 10, 2003.

  1. Havok

    Havok Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,827
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Florida
    Male Etiquette

    1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

    2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following Circumstances:

    a.When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    c. After wrecking your boss' car.
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into"The Crying Game".
    e. When she is using her teeth.

    4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

    6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

    8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask he score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax.If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach. And it's delivered by a topless supermodel.
    And it's free.

    12. Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

    13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos.
    Ever.
    Issue closed.

    15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and
    threw it into a ceiling fan.

    18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

    20. If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

    23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
    Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
    Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
    Hang up if necessary.

    25. You cannot harass a colleague who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.

    26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
    guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

    27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5 litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves,
    and a turbo.

    29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange, or sky blue.

    30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!"
    gets a Playstation 2.
     
  2. pills_PMD

    pills_PMD Super Moderator

    Messages:
    4,232
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2002
    Location:
    New Albany, OH



    it's a good thing my car is samba green :blink:


    [​IMG]
     
  3. MaaseyRacer

    MaaseyRacer Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,980
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Location:
    San Francisco, Ca.
    haha i love 24 and 25.... and i think 29 is missing purple. :D
     
  4. DazedCivic99

    DazedCivic99 Senior Member

    Messages:
    667
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Location:
    Florida
    dude those are great, have some extra time on your hands?
     
  5. Havok

    Havok Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,827
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Florida

    Shut up n00b :)
    Where's my emoticon, Mike?!
     
  6. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    29,875
    Likes Received:
    3,792
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    LMMFAO!!!!
    those are fuckin great
     
  7. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home

    few! 2.0L, 16 vlave, and a turbo =) i think im ok


    and WTF is a bloke?
     
  8. phunky.buddha

    phunky.buddha Admin with a big stick Admin VIP

    Messages:
    28,465
    Likes Received:
    227
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2002
    Location:
    Dallas / Fort Worth, TX

    Coming. :)
     
  9. Domeskilla

    Domeskilla Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,948
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2002
    Location:
    Fort Wayne, IN

    I think "bloke" is friend or guy. You can tell that is something in "aussie" form b/c of the repeated use of "mate".
     
Verification:
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page