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men vs women again...

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Feb 2, 2005.

  1. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    there was one of these a while ago about something- i forget now. this one is pretty damned true too.


    A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing
    new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash
    without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are
    requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their
    accounts."

    After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have
    been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
    machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
    distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
    back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
    checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
    provided.
    23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting
    behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.
     
  2. racintweek

    racintweek Senior Member

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    28. complain because brakes are shot at 15K miles
     
  3. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    29. Log onto internet and complain about the the sheer and utter truth behind posts like these.

    :p
     
  4. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    30. call boyfriend on help on how to log on to the internet to do the above
     
  5. racintweek

    racintweek Senior Member

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    31. Boyfriend dumps her because he has to do too many brake jobs
     
  6. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    32. Gets boyfriend back by offering "other" kinds of jobs.

    bahaahahah
     
  7. Taco15

    Taco15 I wear stretchy pants VIP

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    33. then he dumps her when shes done.

    Bwhaahahhaaha
     
  8. CRX-YEM

    CRX-YEM Super Moderator Moderator VIP

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    34. All directions 1-33 are irrelevant , women should be at home doing dishes and cleaning. no need to post womens directions on atm.
     
  9. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    OHH!! BURN!!

    yeeeow, biatch!

    WHAT?! YEAH!! OOKAY!!
     
  10. Taco15

    Taco15 I wear stretchy pants VIP

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    ohh shit. wit till the girls start posting. This will be another hot topic
     
  11. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    shits got me crackin up...

    and ya, misti's gonna love this one.
     
  12. StarBellieAngel

    StarBellieAngel Senior Member

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    35. Man comes home to trashed house, empty bank account, and car missing. Woman finds new rich boyfriend to give her every want and desire. Woman tells you you sucked in bed, and she no longer will cook or clean for you.

    Man is sad... realizes he must go back to porn and tv dinners...



    no, seriously though... that's true for MOST women. and, on a small scale, i agree the woman should stay home. men suck at cleaning, and some aren't good at cooking. lol and, to be honest, i'd rather stay home and raise my kids. maybe i'm 'old fashioned' but, i don't like the idea of my kid being raised by teachers and other students. *shrug*
     
  13. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    how is that any different from being married???


    lololo
     
  14. StarBellieAngel

    StarBellieAngel Senior Member

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    how would you know the first thing about marriage? lol girls at picnics saying they're your wife don't count, b.

    :lmao: jk jk

    if you're with the right person, really, your sex life shouldn't change much until you have kids... let's just say... every day when he gets home, his clothes better end up on the floor, cuz there is one sexy lady waiting for his attention, and who's willing to lavish her own upon him. when he worked more regular hours, he'd come home to dinner on the table first. :)

    not all women suck at sex, marriage, porn, and cleaning/cooking. (or driving) just MOST. :p
     
  15. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    And lemme guess, you're the exception. :)
     
  16. StarBellieAngel

    StarBellieAngel Senior Member

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    not the only one. hey... sometimes i suck at life... sometimes i suck at cleaning, and i get lazy. but, i DON'T suck at driving. everyone else in california does. :lol:
     
  17. racintweek

    racintweek Senior Member

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    my sex life hasnt changed too much, we just have to wait untile the kids go to bed and by that time i'm usually a little drunk and horny so its on as soon as their heads hit the pillows
     
  18. StarBellieAngel

    StarBellieAngel Senior Member

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    fucking :werd: on both accounts. people are actually SURPRISED at how well my kids behave... they say 'wow, how old are they?' i say '3 and 6' they'll say 'wow, they're very well mannered'

    and i think... WTF, kids SHOULD be well mannered. people don't raise them right. i guess it's cuz i'm like 5' with two kids, they think i'm like 15 with a 6 year old. i get stared at all the time, just cuz one of them is brown. BWAHAHAHA

    but yea... that's how it is, just wait till they're all snuggly... and bam... it's time for an all night JAM session.
     
  19. Taco15

    Taco15 I wear stretchy pants VIP

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    what i'd tell ya! damn i saw that cummin' a mile away. splat right in the eye!
     
  20. racintweek

    racintweek Senior Member

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    i know all about the stares, me and my girl were 20 when the second rugrat arrived

    whenever m girl, me, and the kids go out with her mom everyone asks if we are all her mom's kids

    i look like im 12
     
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