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Mens Best Friend

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Estorvito, Jan 2, 2005.

  1. Estorvito

    Estorvito Soy Boricua

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    I found this while browsing online, and thought I' share....

    How to Photograph Your Puppy

    1-Remove film from box and load camera.
    2-Remove film box from puppy's month and throw in trash.
    3-Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
    4-Choose a suitable background for photo.
    5-Mount camera on tripod, check flash and focus.
    6-Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
    7-Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
    8.Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
    9-Focus with one hand while fending off puppy with other hand.
    10-Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
    11-Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
    12-Put magazines back on coffee table.
    13-Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
    14-Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
    15-Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say- "No, no outside!"
    16-Call spouse to help clean up the mess.
    17-Fix a drink.
    18-Sit back in chair, put your feet up, sip your drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
     
  2. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    Cute.. :p
     
  3. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    funny and completely true.
     
  4. h22bubbleback

    h22bubbleback Senior Member

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  5. FFCiv

    FFCiv Senior Member

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    your dogs suck. Mine owns. Coby>*
     
  6. Estorvito

    Estorvito Soy Boricua

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    OK sorry.I KNow...I suck..!.I Guess Im Just Bored.....
    Here's a Little something for you cat Lovers......


    HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour half-liter of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.
     
  7. swanny

    swanny Senior Member

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    i hate cats.
     
  8. Seany-izzle

    Seany-izzle New Member

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    In a fucking house.
    cats suck. dogs kick ass
     
  9. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

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    I grew up with two cats, I loved em to death. They both lived to 17-18 years old and had a good life.

    My brother has two dogs, one's 3 and one is about 7 weeks old.

    I love em both.
     
  10. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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    :werd: Im very allergic to cats. My eyes just instantly puff and swell up, its no good.

    But dogs kick ass! :)
     
  11. hcivic.com

    hcivic.com Senior Member

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    animals rock but god help anyone that tries to get them to do what you want
     
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