Monday Funnah

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Capt. Orygun

Win the Day
> > >Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a
>country road one
> > >evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The
>driver tried
>to
> > >avoid it but couldn't - the old cow was killed. Hillary
>told her
>driver
> > >to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what
>happened.
>She
> > >stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
> > >
> > >About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the
>car with his
> > >clothes in disarray. He was holding! a half empty bottle
>of expensive
> > >wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other
>and was
>smiling
> > >happily, smeared with lipstick.
> > >
> > >"What happened?" asked Hillary.
> > >
> > >"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the
>cigar, his wife
> > >gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters
>made mad
> > >passionate love to me."
> > >
> > >"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
> > >
> > >The driver replied: "I said, I'm Hillary Clinton's
>driver, and I just
> > >killed the old cow.........and things kinda got confused
>after that"
 
Snagged this off of bash.org (look! its a liberal poking at Clinton!)

Good Book Report

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing
 
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