nails by my tires!!
- Thread starter ventolin5
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Originally posted by ventolin5@Aug 21 2003, 10:39 PM
damn i hope i never have any of you as enemys, you guys have so many fucked up things to do to a car.
I seriously would never fuck with someones car, I was just having fun with my statement.
I know how devastated I'd be if my shit was fucked up pretty badly. I don't want my premiums to go up because some dick threw a brick through my window.
Dustin_m
Member
If You really want to Fuck with her, here are some ideas, Courtesy of The Anarchist's Cookbook:
Ways to send a car to Hell by The Jolly Roger
There are 1001 ways to destroy a car but I am going to cover only the ones that are the most fun (for you), the most destructive (for them), and the hardest to trace (for the cops).
• Place thermite on the hood, light it, and watch it burn all the way through the pavement!
• Tape a COý bomb to the hood, axle, gas tank, wheel, muffler, etc.
• Put a tampon, dirt, sugar (this one is good!), a ping pong ball, or just about anything that will dissolve in the gas tank.
• Put potatoes, rocks, bananas, or anything that will fit, into the tailpipe. Use a broom handle to stuff 'em up into the tailpipe.
• Put a long rag into the gas tank and light it...
• Steal a key, copy it, replace it, and then steal the stereo.
• Break into the car. Cut a thin metal ruler into a shape like this:
Slide it into the outside window and keep pulling it back up until you catch the lock cable which should unlock the door. This device is also called a SLIM JIM. Now get the stereo, equalizer, radar detector, etc. Now destroy the inside. (A sharp knife does wonders on the seats!)
And here are some more:
More Ways to Send a Car to Hell by The Jolly Roger
Due to a lot of compliments, I have written an update to file #14. I have left the original intact. This expands upon the original idea, and could be well called a sequel.
How to have phun with someone else's car. If you really detest someone, and I mean detest, here's a few tips on what to do in your spare time. Move the windshield wiper blades, and insert and glue tacks. The tacks make lovely designs. If your "friend" goes to school with you, Just before he comes out of school. Light a lighter and then put it directly underneath his car door handle. Wait...Leave...Listen. When you hear a loud "shit!", you know he made it to his car in time. Remove his muffler and pour approximately 1 Cup of gas in it. Put the muffler back, then wait till their car starts. Then you have a cigarette lighter. A 30 foot long cigarette lighter. This one is effective, and any fool can do it. Remove the top air filter. That's it! Or a oldie but goodie: sugar in the gas tank. Stuff rags soaked in gas up the exhaust pipe. Then you wonder why your "friend" has trouble with his/her lungs. Here's one that takes time and many friends. Take his/her car then break into their house and reassemble it, in their living or bedroom. Phun eh? If you're into engines, say eeni mine moe and point to something and remove it. They wonder why something doesn't work. There are so many others, but the real good juicy ones come by thinking hard.
Ways to send a car to Hell by The Jolly Roger
There are 1001 ways to destroy a car but I am going to cover only the ones that are the most fun (for you), the most destructive (for them), and the hardest to trace (for the cops).
• Place thermite on the hood, light it, and watch it burn all the way through the pavement!
• Tape a COý bomb to the hood, axle, gas tank, wheel, muffler, etc.
• Put a tampon, dirt, sugar (this one is good!), a ping pong ball, or just about anything that will dissolve in the gas tank.
• Put potatoes, rocks, bananas, or anything that will fit, into the tailpipe. Use a broom handle to stuff 'em up into the tailpipe.
• Put a long rag into the gas tank and light it...
• Steal a key, copy it, replace it, and then steal the stereo.
• Break into the car. Cut a thin metal ruler into a shape like this:
Slide it into the outside window and keep pulling it back up until you catch the lock cable which should unlock the door. This device is also called a SLIM JIM. Now get the stereo, equalizer, radar detector, etc. Now destroy the inside. (A sharp knife does wonders on the seats!)
And here are some more:
More Ways to Send a Car to Hell by The Jolly Roger
Due to a lot of compliments, I have written an update to file #14. I have left the original intact. This expands upon the original idea, and could be well called a sequel.
How to have phun with someone else's car. If you really detest someone, and I mean detest, here's a few tips on what to do in your spare time. Move the windshield wiper blades, and insert and glue tacks. The tacks make lovely designs. If your "friend" goes to school with you, Just before he comes out of school. Light a lighter and then put it directly underneath his car door handle. Wait...Leave...Listen. When you hear a loud "shit!", you know he made it to his car in time. Remove his muffler and pour approximately 1 Cup of gas in it. Put the muffler back, then wait till their car starts. Then you have a cigarette lighter. A 30 foot long cigarette lighter. This one is effective, and any fool can do it. Remove the top air filter. That's it! Or a oldie but goodie: sugar in the gas tank. Stuff rags soaked in gas up the exhaust pipe. Then you wonder why your "friend" has trouble with his/her lungs. Here's one that takes time and many friends. Take his/her car then break into their house and reassemble it, in their living or bedroom. Phun eh? If you're into engines, say eeni mine moe and point to something and remove it. They wonder why something doesn't work. There are so many others, but the real good juicy ones come by thinking hard.
Dustin_m
Member
Or if you really want to mess around:
80. Operation: Fuckup by The Jolly Roger
This is a guide for Anarchists and can be funny for non-believers and 12 and 13 year old runts, and can be a lexicon of deadly knowledge for True Anarchists... Serious damage is intended to be dealt here. Do not try this stuff unless you want to do a lot of serious Anarchy.
[Simulation]
Asshole - 'Listen, you little teenager punk shit, shut the fuck up, or I'll knock you down!'
Anarchist - 'O.K. You can't say I didn't warn you. You don't know my rue power...' (soooo casually)
Asshole - 'Well, er, what do you mean?
Anarchist - '<demoniac grin>' As you can see, the Anarchist knows something that this asshole doesn't...
[Operation Fuckup]
Get a wheel barrel or two. Fill with gasoline. Get 16 rolls of toilet paper, unroll & drench in the gasoline. Rip to shreds in gasoline. Get asbestos gloves. Light a flare (to be punk), grab glob of saturated toilet paper (you can ignite the glob or not). Throw either flaming or dripping glob into:
• Any window (picture is the best)
• Front doors
• Rough grain siding
• Best of all, brick walls
First of all, this bitch is near impossible to get off once dried, and is a terror to people inside when lit! After this... during the night, get a pickup truck, a few wheel-barrels, and a dozen friends with shovels. The pickup can be used only for transporting people and equipment, or doing that, and carting all the dirt. When it gets around 12:00 (after the loser goes beddie - bye), dig a gargantuan hole in his front yard until about 3:00. You can either assign three or four of your friends to cart the dirt ten miles away in the pickup-bed, or bury his front door in 15' of dirt! After that is done, get three or four buckets of tar, and coat his windows. You can make an added twist by igniting the tar when you are all done and ready to run! That is if the loser has a house. If he lives inside an apartment building, you must direct the attack more toward his car, and front door. I usually start out when he goes to work...I find out what his cheap car looks like, and memorize it for future abuse...It is always fun to paint his front door (apt.) hot pink with purple polka-dots, and off-neon colors in diagonal stripes. You can also pound a few hundred or so four
inch nails into his front door (this looks like somebody really doesn't like you from the inside). Another great is to fill his keyhole with liquid steel so that after the bastard closes his door - the only way to get back in is to break it down. If you can spare it, leave him an axe - that is, implanted three inches into, and through the door! Now, this next one is difficult, but one of the best! Get a piece of wood siding that will more than cover his front door completely. Nail two by fours on the edges of the siding (all except the bottom) so you have a barge - like contraption. Make a hole at the top that will be large enough for a cement slide. Mix about six or seven LARGE bags of QUICK drying cement. Use the cement slide to fill the antechamber created by the 'barge' that is around his door. Use more two by fours to brace your little cement-filled barge, and let the little gem dry. When it is, remove the 'barge' so only a stone monolith remains that covers his door. Use any remaining cement to make a base around this so he can't just push it over. When I did this, he called the fire department, and they thought he meant wood, so they brought axes. I watched with a few dozen or so other tenants, and laughed my damn ass off! This is only his door! After he parks his car for the night, the fun really begins...I start out by opening up the car by jamming a very thin, but loack - inside and out! Then proceed to put orange-juice syrup all over the seats, so after he gets through all the other shit that you do, he will have the stickiest
seats in the world. You can then get a few Sunday papers, and crack one of the windows about four inches. Lightly crumple the papers, and continue to completely fill the inside of his car with the newspapers. A copy of the Sunday New York Times will nicely fill a Volkswagen! What is also quite amusing is to put his car on cinder blocks, slash his tires at the top, and fill them with cement! Leave the cinder blocks there so that, after he knocks the car off of them, he will get about 3 miles to the gallon with those tires, and do 0 to 60 in about two minutes! It is even more hilarious when he doesn't know why the hell why! Another is to open his hood, and then run a few wires from the sparkplugs to the METAL body. The sure is one HOT car when it is running! Now, I like to pour two pounds of sugar down his gas tank. If this doesn't blow every gasket in his engine it will do something called 'caramelizing his engine'. This is when the extreme heat turns the sugar to caramel, and you literally must completely take the engine out and apart, and clean each and every individual part! Well, if this asshole does not get the message, you had better start to get serious. If this guide was used properly & as it was intended (no, not as kindling for the fire), this asshole will either move far away, seek professional psychological help, commit suicide, or all of the above!
80. Operation: Fuckup by The Jolly Roger
This is a guide for Anarchists and can be funny for non-believers and 12 and 13 year old runts, and can be a lexicon of deadly knowledge for True Anarchists... Serious damage is intended to be dealt here. Do not try this stuff unless you want to do a lot of serious Anarchy.
[Simulation]
Asshole - 'Listen, you little teenager punk shit, shut the fuck up, or I'll knock you down!'
Anarchist - 'O.K. You can't say I didn't warn you. You don't know my rue power...' (soooo casually)
Asshole - 'Well, er, what do you mean?
Anarchist - '<demoniac grin>' As you can see, the Anarchist knows something that this asshole doesn't...
[Operation Fuckup]
Get a wheel barrel or two. Fill with gasoline. Get 16 rolls of toilet paper, unroll & drench in the gasoline. Rip to shreds in gasoline. Get asbestos gloves. Light a flare (to be punk), grab glob of saturated toilet paper (you can ignite the glob or not). Throw either flaming or dripping glob into:
• Any window (picture is the best)
• Front doors
• Rough grain siding
• Best of all, brick walls
First of all, this bitch is near impossible to get off once dried, and is a terror to people inside when lit! After this... during the night, get a pickup truck, a few wheel-barrels, and a dozen friends with shovels. The pickup can be used only for transporting people and equipment, or doing that, and carting all the dirt. When it gets around 12:00 (after the loser goes beddie - bye), dig a gargantuan hole in his front yard until about 3:00. You can either assign three or four of your friends to cart the dirt ten miles away in the pickup-bed, or bury his front door in 15' of dirt! After that is done, get three or four buckets of tar, and coat his windows. You can make an added twist by igniting the tar when you are all done and ready to run! That is if the loser has a house. If he lives inside an apartment building, you must direct the attack more toward his car, and front door. I usually start out when he goes to work...I find out what his cheap car looks like, and memorize it for future abuse...It is always fun to paint his front door (apt.) hot pink with purple polka-dots, and off-neon colors in diagonal stripes. You can also pound a few hundred or so four
inch nails into his front door (this looks like somebody really doesn't like you from the inside). Another great is to fill his keyhole with liquid steel so that after the bastard closes his door - the only way to get back in is to break it down. If you can spare it, leave him an axe - that is, implanted three inches into, and through the door! Now, this next one is difficult, but one of the best! Get a piece of wood siding that will more than cover his front door completely. Nail two by fours on the edges of the siding (all except the bottom) so you have a barge - like contraption. Make a hole at the top that will be large enough for a cement slide. Mix about six or seven LARGE bags of QUICK drying cement. Use the cement slide to fill the antechamber created by the 'barge' that is around his door. Use more two by fours to brace your little cement-filled barge, and let the little gem dry. When it is, remove the 'barge' so only a stone monolith remains that covers his door. Use any remaining cement to make a base around this so he can't just push it over. When I did this, he called the fire department, and they thought he meant wood, so they brought axes. I watched with a few dozen or so other tenants, and laughed my damn ass off! This is only his door! After he parks his car for the night, the fun really begins...I start out by opening up the car by jamming a very thin, but loack - inside and out! Then proceed to put orange-juice syrup all over the seats, so after he gets through all the other shit that you do, he will have the stickiest
seats in the world. You can then get a few Sunday papers, and crack one of the windows about four inches. Lightly crumple the papers, and continue to completely fill the inside of his car with the newspapers. A copy of the Sunday New York Times will nicely fill a Volkswagen! What is also quite amusing is to put his car on cinder blocks, slash his tires at the top, and fill them with cement! Leave the cinder blocks there so that, after he knocks the car off of them, he will get about 3 miles to the gallon with those tires, and do 0 to 60 in about two minutes! It is even more hilarious when he doesn't know why the hell why! Another is to open his hood, and then run a few wires from the sparkplugs to the METAL body. The sure is one HOT car when it is running! Now, I like to pour two pounds of sugar down his gas tank. If this doesn't blow every gasket in his engine it will do something called 'caramelizing his engine'. This is when the extreme heat turns the sugar to caramel, and you literally must completely take the engine out and apart, and clean each and every individual part! Well, if this asshole does not get the message, you had better start to get serious. If this guide was used properly & as it was intended (no, not as kindling for the fire), this asshole will either move far away, seek professional psychological help, commit suicide, or all of the above!
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