Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Nov 12, 2003.
probably a repost
or did you just stumble across that looking for something else....
bah that's me. I hate being nice.
i got bored at 5am when even the cali folk are in bed :-/
I agree with that article.
I am nice, but dont do the listed items that are typical.
check out 98teg's profile on aim. he has a link to something like that. it's a good read.
i say no to people and i dont need to be around someone all the time. i do things i enjoy for my self... my problem is that i dont act like my self when i am around girls.... i get scaried and dont know what the say(when sobber) when i am tosted i am my self and more out going. i need to work on not caring when sobbver and have fun and be my self
But are you nice and without a gf? Nice guys do and can have gf's. It's more that girls don't want a weak bf. Couples of equal strength work out the best. Having respect for one another is very important for a successful long term relationship. I like that part about how a guy needs to love himself first. That can be applied to everyone, both male and female. DON'T use having a bf or gf for validation as a person.
I disagree somewhat with that article.
Yes, it makes sense and has solid reasoning - But I have yet to meet anyone, male or female, that exercises solid reasoning.
Lots of your time and effort is wasted on considering what people want, and doing what you can to provide it. Not make it up, mind you, But get your traits out into the air so that another (girl in this case) can pick up on it.
Perception is 9/10ths reality. This article to me is right on the mark - Things SHOULD be this way. But they aren't.
Women don't like being smothered. Yeah, if you ask them that, that is the answer you will get. But in reality, when you don't smother them - within a few days you'll see them with another guy. So while you took your time and decided all kinds of "Give her space" and "Let's be friends first"... Some other chode has come in and given her what she REALLY wants.
Being alone may suck for lots of people. I would say almost 100% of the people out there hate being alone - No one for intimate contact, no one really cares. It sucks. You see Women have this strange ability to pick and choose when they will be alone.
Men do not.
When a woman decides "Enough is enough.. I don't want to be single anymore" within that night they will have someone, And because of the lack of reasoning that person will be wrong for them.
This is why I say that you, as a man, have about 1 week to win the heart of a girl before she'll move on. And how can you do the "Friends first" or "Take our time" with odds like that ?
When I was kicked to the curb earlier this year (Brief recap: 11 years, she left for my friend) It was a maelstrom of emotions and issues. For about 2 weeks I was glad to be alone, but then I hit the streets again because I was very very lonely. During that "Hunting time" I found no love. That was about 1 or 2 months of trying. Then I moved on to the other phases of being alone - The comfort, the sadness, the vengefulness, etc..
Women will have this 2 or so weeks off, then when they get depressed they will IMMEDIATELY find someone else and reset the "I've learned a lesson" clock. For women to truly build up a personality after being alone, they NEED to be single and go through these steps. Perhaps then they will begin to use reasoning and logic in their decision to dedicate their love to a "Nice Guy".
Numerous things to back this up. My one favorite is using a friend of mine, Who has been single for a REAL long time. She may have the same thoughts as I do about single, Or she may have the same problems I do finding someone. Either way, the result is the same. She's been single for months, And because of it her attitude and personality is "Correct". She is looking for the right guy, and won't stop at any point for the "Wrong guy". I commend her for this.
There IS a nice guy syndrome. But phrasing it has become the real problem. "Nice guy" goes beyond this article's suggestions, Nice Guys finish last because they waste their effort on the Wrong Girl.
Lemme know if you need clarification on this, because since realising this, I've become happy again ! I no longer think "What is wrong with me?" or have any feelings of doubt about myself. I'm ok. It's my targets that are the problem.
ya girls think im nice till i pull the Houdini on em
I can think of so many good things to start talkin about with a girl but once i start it jus slips away. If it wasn't for alcohol i think i'd have an even harder time loosenin up w/ a girl i jus met
Those aren't "nice guys" that commit those mistakes- those are the pushovers.
ID, you need to shorten your sig... ASAP- or I'll shorten it for you.
Well obviously that article can't cover every situation of a "nice guy" (aka pushover... lol Mike!) being rejected. In addition, one has to allow for the uniqueness of personal chemistry. Everyone has a different personality, life experiences, tastes and levels of intelligence, not to mention the aspects of physical attraction. Not every combination of couples is going to work out, in fact only a very small percentage of random coupling would ever be compatible. And we all do have plenty of choices in terms of meeting people. We're not just a handful of people trapped on a remote island. I meet interesting people all of the time. Daytime hours are best for this and without alcohol present.
Not being smothered has to do with the type of companionship you are offering. Maybe you are coming on too strong. Not smothering a person does not mean stay away from her 100%. I can spend many hours hours with good friends and not feel smothered. A guy that is trying too hard to make me want him will smother me. If he would just relax and be interesting company without the stupid come-ons and compliments, that would be fine. My family smothers me too.
Make that 99% and me part of the 1%.
Spoken like a man. Yeah, any girl that practices good hygiene (or maybe not) can go out to a bar and get laid any time she wants. What guy would turn down free pussy? But that isn't getting quality companionship or love. In fact, if that's how she tries to choose her bf's, they will never truly respect her. Who wants to go out with a hoe?
And terms of choices for a man... well you are wrong. Take someone like Reeves Calloway of Callaway Enterprises. If he were single, women would be hanging all over him. What would he have? He races cars, is intelligent and hardworking, happy because he is doing what he loves and has built up a successful and respected company. So get youself together first guys and then worry about a quality longterm significant other. Btw, it's not about having the big bucks, but at least be able to buy a house at some point. If a girl is planning on having kids, well she needs to feel that you could be potential husband material.
Not true. It is possible to break out of the "friend zone"... but that would require changes on the part of the guy trapped there. Reread that part in the article of loving yourself. It's true. Until you love and respect yourself, no one else will. Also your cigarette smoking will turn off most women of quality. As to your old gf, in the long run she'll be the loser bigtime. Old age for her will not be a pretty sight.
Steve, you're a bright guy. As I've told you many times before, the right girl for you won't be hanging out in a bar. And once you figure out where you're headed job-wise, things will just come together fine. Don't put the horse before the cart. There is so much more to a good life than putting looking for true love at the top of your list. Go take an evening course at Yale... and meet some female grad students. B)
holy crap 94redsigal i think you just "1 upped" ghandi for smartest person alive.
P.S. can i get some advice on females y0!
for the lazy.
*work warning for language*
from my experience it is 100% true
I'm sure you understand, we must speak of generalizations at this moment. I can't dedicate time to specific combinations - So I have to break it down to lowest common denominator.
I'm pretty sure you're the type of person that can take my next words as they are - Not as insults on your personal behalf, nor as insults or criticism of your technique. That is a 100% USDA load of crap. You meet people that you want nothing to do with - Intimately. If you did meet someone, then you would be with them. I'm not even going to go the "Texas Personality Massacre" route here, because that's too simple of a card for me to play.
I do believe this is the point I'm trying to raise. This concept makes no sense to you, because you don't play that game. But close to a Billion women do.
Reeves Callaway is once divorced, twice married. He builds Corvettes. He's rich. His company is in debt and he sold his house in Westport to move elsewhere. I've met Reeves, and he's not far from my boss, Albanian pizza slinger, in terms of personality. He has women because he owns things.
Who typed this? Surely not my Suffragette that I've grown to respect. Naw.. To expect that we ourselves have to be banked and ready to buy buy buy ourways into women's hearts is as laughable as it is insulting. I don't want nor do I need this kind of woman. How about we consider potential wife material?
I'm going to group that with the above Suffragette comment.
As long as it thwarts fucking liberals, I'll smoke two at a time. To cohere "Women of Quality" and "Don't smoke" you'll have to provide some sure-fire evidence.
I hang out in bars. That must make me a real shit. Lemme get a cig.
Suddenly my 5 star job history, that fact that I've made quite a name for myself, my numerous professional accomplishments and extensive I.T. experience is trampled underfoot by a random suggestion to take night classes. And not for naught, But to pick up women?
On a parting note I have to say a few things. My problems with women and work stem not from my actions. I've HAD quite a good time before you met me, and my choice to deliver pizza and work at an arcade are what I WANT to do. When another job comes up that I want, I will take it. Until then my downgrade here is not a failure - But something I've wanted to do for almost a decade. Susan stayed because of me. She left because of her. My 11 year trist with her was not a failure - Her slip into lechery was not my failure. Marriage is not a success, nor are children. I really feel you're slathering me with a combination of calling the tea kettle black, patronizing my decisions, and pigeonholing me with some sort of generation or cultural lacking. I'm somewhat insulted.
I'm printing up t-shirts for single guys. Simple black shirts with a customized content. That way we can get an edge on other shit heads.
Mine will say:
Jaded from being hurt
grown-up sense of humor
That way I can get all the things that women want to know, but won't ask because they want someone "A little taller" or "Somewhat more muscular".
Fuck it. I don't have time for dating games. I've got a knife and chloroform - it's always date night.
Once again, your bitterness over Sue dumping you rises to the surface. My previous reply was not meant to be some personal attack on you. Maybe you feel the need to be more right and expert on this relationship stuff. You can play the Texas Massacre card, I don't mind. Overall, I take that experience in stride. There were many high points to that interaction actually. It's covered under personal/physical chemistry and why sometimes things don't work out. Actually, that situation was very much like yours. He is too emotionally damaged and bitter over previous relationships with women (including his mother) to function in any future relationship unless he gets therapy. I have said the same to you Steve. You are far to bitter over Sue to have any quality relationship with anyone. You have issues to work out and baggage to dispense with. As for me, I am not bitter. I am in much better humour that you over life in general. I am at total peace with myself, unlike you. I have told you, I have taken control and decided to put my many other interests in life (cars, music, writing etc...) ahead of worring about my breeding activities. If the right guy happens along, fine. But I am not going to actively seek him. I used to joke that the perfect guy for me would be the fictious Buckeroo Banzai. Hopefully you guys are familiar the the movie. B)
No I don't feel lonely. That is because I have alot of very very good friends and some of them are in other parts of the country. So my emotional needs are met. I also have my devoted dog Gypsy and two cats. Yes, it's nice to feel infatuation for someone, but I've had some very decent boyfriends and a strong friendship was part of each relationship. This is all about realistic choices and deciding how one wants to spend the one life we have on this earth. Heaven, reincarnation doesn't concern me. By the end of my life, I feel the need to accomplish and experience many things. I actually feel that I have no time to properly give to a relationship at this point. And many of you know that I love long road trips by myself. And I've had bf's and will again, so it's no big deal to me. Having a bf wouldn't add to my life at this point, so there isn't one. Not to be egotistical, but I also don't want to disapoint or break anyone's heart either. So I also try not to lead anyone on. And that is my story.
About the buying of females, it is documented human nature that women have a nesting instinct. Men don't. I may not want children or even marriage, but I don't intend to spend time with a "loser". It has nothing at all to do with getting expensive gifts. I don't want any. I have yet to meet a straight man with my tastes in jewelry and clothing. Someone with material possessions ( more than owning a few old cars) is some indication that is capable, productive and with commonsense. A decent mate/husband needs to have those traits. About Callaway, well at least he's lived a life that has been different and he didn't become some a pee-on in some big office building or a boring stockbroker. I used him as an example because he is in the automotive industry and I've liked reading his biography. He is a pro-active person, not a passive one. He may be several times divorced, but his type is still attractive to females (obviously) and to me.
About cigarette smoking... it smells and tastes nasty. No one wants to get attached to someone that will be prone to asthma and lung cancer later on in life. Both subconciously and conciously, that is what people are thinking these days. And I resent smokers making me a passive smoker.
I am not flaming you, I just wanted to address a few of your counterpoints. There is no anger coming from me. So mods, I don't think that this thread needs to be locked. Relationship discussions are commonplace in this forum.
i used to be a nice guy
I'm still a nice guy
Separate names with a comma.