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Old people rock!

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by whiterabbit06, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. whiterabbit06

    whiterabbit06 Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill? VIP

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    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas They hired him because he was so funny.....
    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
    EDUCATION: Yes.
    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
    On my breaks - yes!
    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
    NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles
    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
     

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  2. tunercrazed

    tunercrazed HS Official Hippie

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    I'd hire him!
     
  3. delsol_dan

    delsol_dan New Member

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    i worked at target for a while it was gay! that guy is a bamf!
     
  4. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

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    it's fake, kinda reminds me of an application steve would submit. haha
     
  5. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'



    Yes, yes I would do this.
     
  6. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    I did one app before in Colorado, on my way out of town (After I decided to leave). I put in "Yes, 12 of them"


    I used to be a TurboNAuto kinda car collector.
     
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