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Post office part time work

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by jeffie7, Dec 14, 2004.

  1. jeffie7

    jeffie7 Wrong Whole! VIP

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    Location:
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    The Post Office was looking for someone to reply to childrens' letters
    to Santa so I applied for the job to earn a few extra dollars for
    Christmas presents. I had to take a test, coming up with responses
    to some of the letters they'd received. I didn't get the job:

    Dear Santa,
    I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
    Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
    Love, Joey

    Dear Joey,
    Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna
    torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what
    to do with.
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
    yer Frend, BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career bagging groceries. How
    about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write?
    I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
    spell!
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
    peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
    mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
    frigid mom who constantly nags him to death? It's time to give up that
    dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
    drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set
    you up with a Malibu Barbie.
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
    for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
    riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
    scotch.
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
    toys?
    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I
    spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
    drinking myself silly and squeezing the assets of cocktail waitresses
    while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know!
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
    awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
    whatever you do. Maybe you & BiLLy should be Frends.
    - Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
    PLEASE could I have one?
    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that stuff
    doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
    - Santa

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    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love, Marky

    Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
    your butt whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house; you
    live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad
    just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
    - Sweet Dreams, Santa
     
  2. 94RedSiGal

    94RedSiGal Senior Member

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    Haha! :lol:
     
  3. cxjon

    cxjon Senior Member

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    old but still funny
     
  4. adidas_man

    adidas_man Honorary Honda Driver

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    haha.....got a chuckle out of me :lol: :lol:
     
  5. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

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    That last one is the best. :lmao: Good find.
     
  6. EXtremeAccord

    EXtremeAccord Senior Member

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