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Sad story

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Turbo&Auto, Mar 3, 2008.

  1. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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    I wasnt going to originally post this but sh!t just seems to keep pyling on right now. SO, here's my mini rant/vent.

    This is what I knew....Feb 15th, my dad went into the Hospital. Sloan Kettering for the NYC peeps who know it. He was retaining water in his one leg so they put him on some dieretics(sp?) to try and make him pee like crazy and drain the water. The pills didnt work and he retained a LOT more water in his other leg as well now. They tried something else, still wasnt helping, his stomach grew quite large. They said this was contributing to his liver failing.

    Come to find out... On Jan 1st he went to the ER for pains in his side. They found a large mass on or near his liver. He started to have it checked out and was tested for cancer etc... By the time they discovered he had cancer and made a plan he was in the hospital on the 15th.

    SO, my family was going to the hospital to hang with my dad, who was telling us he was in the there to fix the water retaining thing and then get his liver healthy again. I go there on the 18th of Feb to hang out and as soon as I walk in with my mom, he tells us "that's it". We of course were puzzled and said, whats it? He said they told him they cant do anything to help him and a transplant is out of the question. "So, "That's it........"

    He looked very yellow and was extremely weak. I knew then something was really wrong and he was hiding something. I watched my grandfather die from cancer and he looked very similar.

    My dad was a lil delirious and was rambling a lil bit, I figured it was because of the liver being out of whack from the water. We just hoped he was talking sh!t and the doctor would tell us whats really going on. 3pm comes around, doc is in.....He confirms what my dad told us. He went into great detail and took all the time in the world to explain why we couldnt do anything to help him. My dad sat up, looked at all of us and said:

    "It's ok. Im at the best hospital for what is wrong with me and they can't help me. It is my time and I accept it.....This is god's will"

    Prolly the best and worst thing Ive ever heard in my entire life. So hard to watch the man I thought of as Superman be so weak and on his way out. Yet it was comforting to know that he is at peace and accepts his fate. Im grateful that he didnt suffer for months like a lot of cancer patients. But I just wish he had told us. I wouldve dropped everything in my life to spend as much time as possible with him. Especially to let him see his grand daughter some more.

    The last few days in the hospital we tried to get him home. We were all willing to be 24hr care and do whatever it took to have him comfy at home until he passed. That and the hospital wouldn't allow me to bring Alexis up to his room. I know my dad wanted to see her, which was the hardest part of watching him go so quickly.

    Feb 20th I got a call 7:00am, come to NYC quick, its looking bad today. I rushed to the city and sat by his side. He wasnt able to speak, stand, sit up or anything at all. It was just a waiting game until the final breath. They had him on a lot of Morphine since he was in such pain when he would come to. He was pretty much out of it all day with very labored breathing. Around 5pm we noticed he finally went to the bathroom. We called the nurse in to change his top sheet. About a minute later they came into the room we were in and told us to come back to the room. He waited until we walked out to go......

    I went back in the room a few times after, I just couldnt believe we were really here doing what we were doing. It seemed so sureal. Even at the funeral I was waiting for him to pop up and tell us a joke or something. Those who knew my dad knew that was definately his thing :lol:

    I'm catholic and believe in god. I was always unsure regardless of my religion what happens when you die. Im sure I am not alone here. Our family minister told us that you dont get into heaven because youre a good person or you did nice deeds, you get in because you have faith in god and the afterlife. After losing my dad, brother and lots of friends and family all at young ages I am putting my faith in god. I want to be with them all again :)

    Sorry for the sad story and spiritual crap, but hopefully it makes you rethink things. Life can be long or short and its definately what you make it. Thats 1 lesson I will never forget from my dad.

    RIP Toneman....8-11-56 --> 2-20-08



    Another note. My father had a car that was his baby. He left it to me to put it back together and hopefully take it to my house and drive occasionally. If you would like to come to my parents house and help with the re-assembly there will be a weekend where a bunch of people are coming for the occasion. His engine builder, business partner, racing buddy's etc... If you would like to come and lend a hand or to just listen to some of the stories about my dad, youre welcome to come out :)

    This is the Car!
     
  2. LS_VTEC

    LS_VTEC you get the BRAKE

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    My regards, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my father 5 years ago kind of like you did. But he went into the hospital because he was having trouble breathing. I went after work to see him, he seemed to be doing fine and was going to be getting home within a a day or two. The next day, I get a call around 9pm saying he was rushed to another hospital in NJ so I picked up my mother and sister and got over there as quickly as possible. By the time I saw him, he was like a vegetable. Couldn't respond to anything, his eyes were 1/2 closed, he was still, didnt move at all. I couldn't believe what was going on. I was in shock. So the doctor tells us he isn't going to make it out of this, and the only thing keeping him alive is the heart machine and a respirator. We all said our goodbye's one at a time and shortly after they took him off the machines. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. My father taught me so much growing up, and most importantly he taught me the value of a dollar and how hard work will go a long way. I know he is in a better place now and one day we will meet again...
     
  3. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    sorry to hear about your dad.. hes in a better place now.. having had cancer i know how tough it can be..
     
  4. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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    Thanks guys :)

    Dude, EG, you had cancer man? You beat it I assume?
     
  5. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    yep.. went through chemo for 3.5 yrs.. been in remission for 2.5 yrs now

    i had it a year before i realized that something was wrong.. i was stage 3 by that point.. it had spread to my lungs.. they gave me 6 months if i didnt do something right then and there..
     
  6. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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    Thats crazy man!! And impressive too. :)
     
  7. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    damn, sorry to hear man.

    I guess most of us are approaching that age now... grandparents are close to gone if not already for most of us, and the next step is the parents. :(
     
  8. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    sorry to hear of you loss

    how's your mom doing?
     
  9. neonmike

    neonmike Senior Member VIP

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    very sorry for your loss. sounds like your dad was a great man and will be greatly missed.
     
  10. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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    My mom was good while he was there. Obviously rough at first, but after a few days there and seeing how calm he was about all of it, it kinda calmed us as well. Once he passed and we went home that night, it was rough coming home an he wasnt there. They have a pretty big house but it is FILLED with pics of all of us and he had a lot of toys like myself. Made it tough to see so much of him without him. But there is so many good memories that I just have to stop and think about when I get sad. I try to do the same for my mom when she is feeling down.

    And I agree B, my Gma is 87 and has had strokes and generally going downhill. I was honestly starting to think that that time was coming and preparing for it. This just totally blind sided everyone. But I do think it's better that it happened so fast, forced us to deal with it and accept it quickly.

    Thanks Mike. He truly was a great man and I will continue to admire him :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2008
  11. 90_EF_Hatch

    90_EF_Hatch Señor Member

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    I lost my Grandma to cancer indirectly.

    I dont remember all the details i was in Middle School .. I just remember that she got some sort of cancer, and had the surgery to remove it. But she never recovered from the surgery and died a few days later at age 55 =/ ... i cant imagine how it must feel to lose a parent though. :(
     
  12. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    i lost my grandpa to mesotelioma (sp?) caused by asbestos .. they said he had lung cancer but never smoked in his life.. 2 weeks after he found out he passed away, rough time that was
     
  13. LS_VTEC

    LS_VTEC you get the BRAKE

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    What did your grandfather do for work? Mechanic? Home remodeling? I was taught in school that back in the day, they used asbestos to make brake pads, shoes and other automotive parts like clutch disc's. To this day they still stress cleaning brake parts before removal just to be safe. Asbestos is considered the "silent killer". Very sorry to hear about your loss.
     
  14. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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    Got a myspace msg from a friend. my sister's friends dad past away the same day. The girl that msg'd me had a miscarriage the very same day as well. Rough week man.
     
  15. LS_VTEC

    LS_VTEC you get the BRAKE

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    Try to keep yourself busy. Take your mind off of things. With time it will slowly subside. When my father passed away, that week alone, I took apart an old transaxle that was laying in the garage from a D-series. Trick is to keep yourself busy. Just reading your post today made me think of my father. We're all here for ya...
     
  16. INJEN78

    INJEN78 HS LEGEND

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    WTF???that is the same exact thing that happened to a family member of mine..he past on the 24th of feb...he had liver cancer,was yellow,rambling words,,his last day he took very few breaths and the nurse came in..she gave him his morphine shot and closed his eyes..then she said..."its ok ben you can close your eyes"" and that was it,,he past 2 minutes after she said that...:(

    sorry to hear about your loss...
     
  17. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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    Thanks man and Im sorry for your loss as well!!!

    Yeah, same exact scenario. They were actually surprised at how with it he was. He was pretty coherent until the last 24hrs. Im glad I went the day that I did. I was actually able to get some alone time with him and we had a nice last talk. I hadn't hugged my father in years so it was pretty nice to just hold him and let him know I was happy with him as a father. I hope to be the same influence on my own children and that they will look up to me like I did him.

    Thanks for the nice words everyone. Its nice to see people come together and offer whatever comfort possible to just people with like cars :)
     
  18. eg6sir

    eg6sir Supa Mod Moderator VIP

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    he actually worked out in the grape fields.. doing what, i dont know.. i was young..
     
  19. formby

    formby learning in progress

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    he will be with you forever.
     
  20. Turbo&Auto

    Turbo&Auto Nick Go FAST!!

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    and thats what he told me. His father died at 49, my dad made 51. When my dad's father died my dad was only 17. He said he always felt him with him. And at times I still feel like he really is right there.
     
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