Couple of quick jokes, stolen from freaknfunny.com.. I've heared one of em before... oh well. Enjoy.
Confessing Husband
This guy gets home, plaster-assed drunk, and stumbles into the bedroom, which wakes his wife. She notices he has a duck under his arm, and as he stands there, swaying side to side, he mutters "This is the pig I've been sleeping with"
His wife, disgusted by the condition he's in, says "You dumb ass. That's a Duck"
He says, "I wasn't talking to YOU"
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Gay Bob
Gay Bob goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says "Bob, I'm not going to
beat around the bush.You have AIDS".
Bob is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
"Eat 1 sausage,1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot
sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1 huge box of
Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Bob asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding
of what your ass is for."