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"shift" happens

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Sep 12, 2003.

  1. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    Thanks to a retired Delta Captain for sending this "paraphrase" of a
    Memorable safety PA from their Flight Attendants. In his own words .
    I was flying to San Francisco from Seattle this weekend, and the
    flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole
    plane looking at each other like "what the heck?" (Getting Seattle
    people to look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got
    airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I
    wouldn't forget. [I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is
    most of it.]

    Before takeoff . . . Hello and welcome to Delta Flight 438 to San
    Francisco. If you're going to San Francisco, you're in the right
    place. If you're not going to San Francisco, you're about to have a
    really long evening.

    We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of
    this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this
    plane is . . . The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now.

    There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the
    wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of
    the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet. That
    would be a really bad idea.

    Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit.
    Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that
    the need arises to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did. We
    have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the
    direction of the exits. White ones along the normal rows, and pretty
    red ones at the exit rows.

    In the event of a loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will
    drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like
    the flight attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but
    there's oxygen there, promise. If you are sitting next to a small
    child, or someone who is acting like a small child, please do us all
    a favor and put on your mask first.

    If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to
    decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your
    way down.
    In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety
    features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my
    own personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty
    pictures. Please take it out and play with it now.

    Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened
    low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal
    tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing-not a pushy
    thing like your car because you're in an airplane-HELLO!

    There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no
    smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the
    lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is
    a free service we provide. There are two smoking sections on this
    flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the
    smoking sections tonight . . . hold on, let me check what it is . .
    Oh here it is; the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind.

    In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going
    to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now
    would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The
    yellow button turns on your reading light. Please don't press the
    orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is
    your seat ejection button.

    We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for
    choosing Delta, and giving us your business and your money. If
    there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please
    don't hesitate to ask.

    If you all weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing ovation,
    wouldn't you?
    After landing . . . Welcome to the San Francisco International
    Airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the captain's
    fault. It's not the copilot's fault. It's the Asphalt.

    Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no
    time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So
    please don't even try


    Please be careful opening the overhead bins because "shift happens."
     
  2. civicious

    civicious FüK-VTEC VIP

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    uh....
     
  3. Tonyd0821

    Tonyd0821 Banned

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  4. SleEPeR_CRX

    SleEPeR_CRX Senior Member

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  5. 90 accord

    90 accord Chicks dig the box Moderator VIP

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  6. rsaeini

    rsaeini Senior Member

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    basically, that's what you get when you have a blonde flight attendant.
    [/END CLIFFNOTES]

    i would have actually laughted at that one if i were drunk. :D
     
  7. 90 accord

    90 accord Chicks dig the box Moderator VIP

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    haha. w3rd
     
  8. phunky.buddha

    phunky.buddha Admin with a big stick Admin VIP

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    I've had some pretty entertaining pilots from Delta give speeches like that during the flight too. Maybe it's the same guy, only the flight attendants are learning from him now.

    :lol:
     
  9. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    :lol: :D :p :wacko: :bonk: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo:
     
  10. BlackJDMdeath

    BlackJDMdeath Senior Member

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    oh christ it's like a class of 3rd graders lol

    shift happens- she's talking about being careful when opening the overhead compartments because the plane could shift and the things INSIDE the compartment could shoot out at you....


    anyhow, i've been on a few delta flights myself, never got anything THAT funny though :lol:
     
  11. Slo86GT

    Slo86GT Super Moderator

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    SOuthWestern airlines hires comedians, I think. THe pilots and the attendants are HILLARIOUS. Seriourly, our last lead attendant had me in stitches before and after the flight. Really helped to calm nervous tendencies toward flying.
     
  12. Frankie P.

    Frankie P. Senior Member

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