importjdmcivic
Its the NUGE!
All wednesday i was super psyched cause i was planning on going snowboarding at Hawk's Nest, NC that evening. I was also happy because i was taking a hot lady with me, and it was our first "date" so to speak. Well the girl i was on a "date" with rode with me and we just talked about random shit the entire drive. And somehow i got on the subject of: never had stitches and how its gunna suck when i turn 40 and start getting a finger up my butt to check my prostate. Well all i can say is damn i should have kept my mouth shut. So we finally get to Hawk's Nest and they had just re-done their board park and i was really anxious to try all the new jumps and stuff out. So first run down...i get about 2/3rds down the slope and there is a huge ass jump. So i get up enough balls and go for it. Well fuck my ass....i went way to fast and completely over shot the table top andbusted my ass HARDCORE on solid ice. So i jump, i hit my ass and then i jump up yelling,"AHHH I broke my assss!" Well i was saying it as a joke at the moment...then i realized how intense the pain was. I then realized that i needed to get to the medic station cause i was about to go into shock. So i get down the rest of the slope and unstrap my bindings. I sit my board right beside a flight if stairs then pass out right there. I wake up and try and tell myself to get to the medic station, so i stand up make it about 10 feet then pass out again. Finally someone saw me and i was taken to the medic station. There is a lot that i left out right there just to condense the story but i passed out from the pain 5 times before the medics finally got me onto one of their beds. So they call the medi-copter to come get me but then they decide that im coherent enough that i just need an ambulance. At first they thought i had a seizure. Then they thought i had had a concusion. Then they realized they didn't know what the fuck was wrong with me so they got an ambulance to come and get me. So the ambulance arrives and the ambulance workers start to check me out. They decide that im pretty good to go and load me up in the meat wagon. So i finally get to the hospital and a doctor is checking me out. In the meantime the girl that went on the "date" with me and 3 other girls that met up with us at Hawk's Nest are right beside me in my ER room. So the doc comes to the conclusion that i have either bruised my tailbone or broken it. He hasn't taken an xray and he said that the only thing they can do for either is give me pain meds and send me on my way. I was like, "Ok thats fine. Lets do this." Then the doc comes back in and says, ok before you leave i want to check your back one more time. So i stand up and look at the bed where i was laying to see...a pile of blood. I pointed the blood out and the doc told me to drop my pants. Well shit i was panicking at that moment so i dropped trou faster than the words could came out of his mouth. So he spreads the butt cheeks and notices a cut, right beside my ass hole. So then he proceeds to lube up his finger and stick it in my pooper to check and make sure everything was ok in there. Theres the first thing i shouldnt have talked about while in the car with my date. Well he pokes around down there, then the next thing i know im laying on my side on the er bed again..i had passed out again. So he calls in his suervising doctor cause this doc has no idea what to do. Well his supervisor comes in take a gander and says that they need a surgeon to come take a look. So a surgeon finally arrives and its the surgeon that the freaking entire surgery department of that hospital is named after. So he takes a look, we discuss and then he decides we need to suture it up. By this time ive passed out WAY too much for my liking so i ask for local aneasthicia..spelling...and that they surgeon tell me everything that he sees and that he does. I wanted to know EVERYTHING. Well he discovered something pretty fucked up. In loose terms i ripped myself a new asshole. I have a cut about an inch long that starts right beside the right side of my asshole. And then that tear started another tear that goes INTO my right butt cheek about 2-3 inches. So...1in cut beside asshole...and its 2-3in deep into mhy right butt cheek. So in essence i ripped myself a new asshole. I dont understand how it happend and neither do the doctors. I didn't land on a stick of my bindings or my board or anything...just flat ice. The only thing i can think of is that there was so much force exerted on my ass that t couldnt take it and ripped. Hahah Last year i broke my face and this year i rip myself a new asshole...hopefully next year i wont literally bust a nut. Ok back to the procedure. After it was all finished i found out that they had used 15 sutures and that there is a drain tube also. Its so fucked up looking at it. I have a shit tone of stitches then a tube sticking out of my right butt cheek. That makes the second thing i shouldnt have talked about with my date. So yea...my ass hurts and it should be better in 2 weeks. They gave me oxycodones to relieve the pain...oh man do they work. And i have to take antibiotics to fight infection. Haha also, if i take a shit i have to take a shower immediatley after to make sure i get my poo hole clean, so it wont get infected. Also the doctor drew a picture of my ass for any other doctors that might have to see it for taking out the stitches or what not. So i might scan that and show it on here if anyone actually reads all this and wants to see it. Oh and about the date thing...all the girls stayed the entire time to see me through it and take me home. And the chick i went on the date with totally digs me and is even taking care of me 
All in all...worst pain ive ever felt in my entire life...but its definitely worth the story.
Cliffnotes: I ripped myself a new asshole...literally.
All in all...worst pain ive ever felt in my entire life...but its definitely worth the story.Cliffnotes: I ripped myself a new asshole...literally.
lol yes. thats the worst. 