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Some of Airjockie's Humor....

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Airjockie, Dec 3, 2003.

  1. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    but you might like this one...



    [​IMG]


    But I think you guys might not understand half of these......but...then again...you might.



    I was taking my brother for his first flight in a GA airplane. He was somewhat nervous and a little overwhelmed by what we go through to launch a flight. I picked up the local ATIS on my handheld before engine start and, after we got in the plane and were ready to call for taxi clearance, I briefed him on the kind of radio transmissions he would hear as we taxied out and took off. That education behind us, I called for taxi clearance: Me: Skylane 12345, West hangers, with MIKE, taxi. Before I could get a word in edge-wise, my brother, Mike, (with awe in his voice...) said, “You have to even tell them who is with you?” It took several minutes for me to regain composure and get on with the flight.





    Back in the 70's, BOAC (British Airways) flew into O'Hare Chicago and their call sign was "Speedbird"...
    O'Hare: Speedbird xxx slow to 200 kts.
    Speedbird xxx: Sorry, running late, need to keep the speed up.
    O'Hare: Ok, turn right 90 degrees and keep your speed up.
    Speedbird xxx: Errr, how long would we be on that heading?
    O'Hare: ‘Till you slow to 200.
    Speedbird xxx: Roger, slowing to 200





    I was in the pattern at FXE one night and I heard an aircraft taxiing out from Banyan Air Service tell the tower that he saw some debris on the taxiway. As the aircraft got closer the pilot said it looked like a pair of goggles on the taxiway. Discussion then ensued between the aircraft, the tower and the security guard in a truck being vectored to the location, about what type of goggles, Scuba, Snoopy type Flying goggles, Foggles etc. Once it was established that they were flying goggles or foggles the controller asked if any other debris was sighted and the pilot said no but he would be on the lookout for any doghouse parts or a beagle on the run.


    The July 3-20 Inventing Flight celebration in Dayton, Ohio, kicked off this weekend with a hot air balloon launch and a visit by President Bush. Events celebrating 100 years of flight will continue at various locations through the year Nearly fifty years ago when I was a NAVCAD (Naval Aviation Cadet), one of our classmates had an accident. One of the accident board members asked him what he thought caused the accident. His reply: "Well sir, I ran out of airspeed, altitude and ideas all at the same time."


    An exchange observed between the pilot of a sleek experimental and a Cessna driver shortly after they both taxied to the ramp... Cessna Pilot: Wow. That thing really moves! You must have to wind the rubberband really tight. Experimental Pilot: Nah, the kit came with an option for an extra hamster wheel. You're jealous? Cessna Pilot: ...About 50 knots jealous, yes.


    We often have strong winds in Texas. But they usually pick a direction and stay put. This particular night while returning to home base at ADS, the ATIS said the winds were 150 at 15 (right down the runway). Since I was getting a real workout on the controls, I called for a wind check. Tower: "Variable, 120 to 180, 22 gusting to 32." Me: (With sarcasm) "Oh, that sounds like fun." Tower: "We've got the cameras rolling."


    After arriving in SLC we checked in with the ground controller. His radio wasn't the clearest. As we were taxiing to the ramp another aircraft asked the controller, "Has anyone else told you your communications are garbled?" Ground replied, "My Wife!"



    Early in my tailwheel instruction, my instructor was trying to teach me wheel landings in a Citabria during a Southern California full-blown Santa Ana. Winds were approximately 45 degrees to the runway, blowing 20 knots, gusting to 35+ knots. After about 20 attempts, with about 20 saves from my instructor (lots of crow-hopping, bounces, you name it, using all of a 150-foot-wide runway), I decided I was done: Citabria 123: Tower, we've had enough. Citabria 123 requests northbound departure. Tower: Citabria 123, northbound departure approved. Sorry to see you boys leave -- sure has been entertaining!


    A pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The nav replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!" The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the nav replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

    Sometimes when we are stressed we forget to think before we key the mike. This actually happened after the oil line blew. 88U : Manchester (NH) tower Cherokee 5988U is five miles NW with a total engine failure. MHT: (Using that standard FAA terminology) What are your intentions? 88U: I intend to land! MHT : (that standard terminology again) Roger, how many souls on board? 88U: no souls, four heathens.


    Student pilot to irate instructor: "You're simply impossible to satisfy. I just finished navigating successfully through a boiling fluid swirling around a rotating sphere that is hurtling around a fusion reaction source at thousands of miles per hour. This system is moving in a circular motion around a black hole at who knows what speed, while the space it takes up is expanding. And then I bounced the landing six inches. SIX MEASLY INCHES! Get off my freakin' back!"
     
  2. Wycked Sniper

    Wycked Sniper Senior Member

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    BAHAHAHA, good shit maang! MY uncle owns a small airport in Elkhart, IN. or Mishawaka, I can't remember lol. Anyways, those are some classic jokes :lol:

    :blink:
     
  3. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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    for a moment i thought those were your experiences... :D
     
  4. JDMPlaya

    JDMPlaya Senior Member

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    yea i did too


    some funny shit airjokie!
     
  5. 94RedSiGal

    94RedSiGal Senior Member

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    My grandmother had a pilot's license. Haha. Good stuff!
     
  6. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    at time's...they are....
     
  7. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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    they were all really good...

    which ones? :)
     
  8. JDMilan

    JDMilan Senior Member

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  9. Iron 1

    Iron 1 Senior Member

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    this is definatly my favorite, I can just see the look on the pilots face as he realised his plan backfired!hahahaha
     
  10. Slammed90Lude

    Slammed90Lude Senior Member

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    yeah I def. jacked that one for my info- thanks jockie ;-)
     
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