something i said to my girl
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EGProject
YEEEEAAHHHHH
Talking to my friend, who was incidentially having a hard time getting his GF to have oral with him, I explained it in laymans terms.
Me: "Brendon, it's pretty simple - just walk up to her, drop your pants, point to your penis, and say 'Go'. "
Him: "Just like that?"
Me: "Exactly."
Or, if your friend is with his GF, and you're playing 3rd wheel, and the bitch gets pissed, just say; "Wait till you hear about what ______ did to this Asian chick...."
Get's em everytime.
As for akward moments...had my girl go down on me during some sappy Disney movie at her house. Lion King I think. Akward with a capital 'A'.
Me: "Brendon, it's pretty simple - just walk up to her, drop your pants, point to your penis, and say 'Go'. "
Him: "Just like that?"
Me: "Exactly."
Or, if your friend is with his GF, and you're playing 3rd wheel, and the bitch gets pissed, just say; "Wait till you hear about what ______ did to this Asian chick...."
Get's em everytime.
As for akward moments...had my girl go down on me during some sappy Disney movie at her house. Lion King I think. Akward with a capital 'A'.
This is kinda fucked up and wrong on my part, but it's funny...Mike has met the chic that this happened to...
Long story short, a little while before I started messing around with Kim, I fucked one of her friends. A while later, her friend (a big dopehead) got really fucked up and drove her car into a bridge, and she died.
Fast forward a few months. Earlier this year, around March, I think, me and Kim were kinda 'separated' or whatever. I was sitting at the house with a couplea friends, stoned out of my mind, and Kim calls me drunk and crying and stuff.
Her: I'm so depressed, Wil!
Me: Whaa? Why? What's up?
Her: I lost my best friend!
Me: Huh?
Her: I lost my best friend! She's gone!
Me: Wha...where'd you lose her?
Her: Huh?
Me: You lost your best friend?
Her: Yes! She's gone!
Me: Uh...so...go back and find her!
Her: What?
Me: Go back and look for her!
Her: SHE'S DEAD! SHE DIED! SHE'S FUCKING DEAD!
Me: click
Swear to God, 100% true.
edit: the phone conversation happened a couplea months after the chic died, btw...
Long story short, a little while before I started messing around with Kim, I fucked one of her friends. A while later, her friend (a big dopehead) got really fucked up and drove her car into a bridge, and she died.
Fast forward a few months. Earlier this year, around March, I think, me and Kim were kinda 'separated' or whatever. I was sitting at the house with a couplea friends, stoned out of my mind, and Kim calls me drunk and crying and stuff.
Her: I'm so depressed, Wil!
Me: Whaa? Why? What's up?
Her: I lost my best friend!
Me: Huh?
Her: I lost my best friend! She's gone!
Me: Wha...where'd you lose her?
Her: Huh?
Me: You lost your best friend?
Her: Yes! She's gone!
Me: Uh...so...go back and find her!
Her: What?
Me: Go back and look for her!
Her: SHE'S DEAD! SHE DIED! SHE'S FUCKING DEAD!
Me: click
Swear to God, 100% true.
edit: the phone conversation happened a couplea months after the chic died, btw...
i've done this several times to chicks on the phone when they are bitching and yelling at me
"what does this sound like?"
and hang up the phone
another one called me when I was sleeping and asked me what I wanted to happen between her and I - my response was " I dont know, I just want to go back to sleep" and I hung up on her, she called back and was "what do you mean you dont know" i told her "fuck bitch I am fucking sleeping, give me a fucking brake"
"what does this sound like?"
and hang up the phone
another one called me when I was sleeping and asked me what I wanted to happen between her and I - my response was " I dont know, I just want to go back to sleep" and I hung up on her, she called back and was "what do you mean you dont know" i told her "fuck bitch I am fucking sleeping, give me a fucking brake"
Im admitting now that i date a REALLY high maintenance girl...Ive found the happy medium of barely spending a dime and still getting laid...and then there are days where i do stupid shit.
Her: Holy shit...ive never come twice before....youre really good at this.
Me: So ive been told.
*slap*
Me: Baby........baby? FUCK....im not gonna hit it tonight am I?
usually i go about 2 weeks without a phone call...catch her at work w/ one long stem red rose ($2.99) and everything is peachy.
Her: Holy shit...ive never come twice before....youre really good at this.
Me: So ive been told.
*slap*
Me: Baby........baby? FUCK....im not gonna hit it tonight am I?
usually i go about 2 weeks without a phone call...catch her at work w/ one long stem red rose ($2.99) and everything is peachy.
Well that was when we first started dating...her boys before me apparently didnt know wtf they were doing...i try not to make that mistake more than once.
Really if i can avoid mentioning my past its best....if not...two weeks without sex (as a general rule)
Really if i can avoid mentioning my past its best....if not...two weeks without sex (as a general rule)
bahahaha, that one is great...
especially what you say after the slap
lol
and i tried the, i have a great idea thing lastnight, didn;t work out so well though <_<
phyregod
!!YTINASNI
I used to have a fuck buddy who would orgasm repeatedly.. She squirted, too.. Nothing makes you feel more like a sex god when she orgasms 18 times and the bed and sheets are soaked, shes soaked, your soaked.. You just feel like the god of fucking. She was hot like whoa too..
Me, I say all kinds of shit to my wife, but thats how I am.. I'm a joker, and its all fun and games.. I'll tell her "Get your bitch ass in the kitchen, and make me some pie!!" And she does.. but its all in fun.
I suppose the most dipshit thing I've ever said to her was:
"Because you're too fucking stupid".. when what I meant to say is, "you don't know how to do (whatever the hell it was) and I don't want to spend an hour explaining it to you so you will understand and do it correctly".
She was mad for 2 days.. Roses bailed me out of that one..
Originally posted by phyregod+Sep 15 2005, 01:23 PM-->@Sep 15 2005, 12:15 PM
Was she peeing on you? did it smell like pee?ÂÂ
 :unsure:Â
[post=554982]Quoted post[/post]
Nope, smelled nothing like pee, wasn't yellow either.. it was a clear slightly slippery liquid..
[post=554989]Quoted post[/post]
it comes out the same hole but its a different fluid. i went to a sex seminar. i knew most of the stuff but that caught my attention as something new.
92civicb18b1
The Trisexual
Phone call
Me: "do you have a closet?"
Her: "A closet, Yea...."
Me "good, hang this up" click
Phone call
Her: blah blah blah
Me: *looks at the 4 signal bars on the cell phone* "Hello?"
Her: "what? hello"
Me: "hell...o, are y....there"
Me: "Can you hear me"
Her: "Bryan...what, hello?"
click
I did this like 8 times yesterday...
Got done having sex at a party and kinda scurried downstairs while she was still changing...I was smashed, standing there after a few more shots, stumbling and shit. I really didn't even like the girl, I still don't, she was/is a whorebag.
She walks up like 2 mins later..she was a concieted one
Her:"So what did you think?"
Me: "What the hell are you talking about?"
she kinda nudges me
Me: semi slurred -"oh, ahh it was alright..did you know your tits are lop-sided?"
Her: "What did you just say?"
Me "That's why everyone was calling you lop-sided loosey earlier"
She just walked away...she pushed me over later that night while trying to do a kegstand and keyed the prelude...haven't seen her since.
Me: "do you have a closet?"
Her: "A closet, Yea...."
Me "good, hang this up" click
Phone call
Her: blah blah blah
Me: *looks at the 4 signal bars on the cell phone* "Hello?"
Her: "what? hello"
Me: "hell...o, are y....there"
Me: "Can you hear me"
Her: "Bryan...what, hello?"
click
I did this like 8 times yesterday...
Got done having sex at a party and kinda scurried downstairs while she was still changing...I was smashed, standing there after a few more shots, stumbling and shit. I really didn't even like the girl, I still don't, she was/is a whorebag.
She walks up like 2 mins later..she was a concieted one
Her:"So what did you think?"
Me: "What the hell are you talking about?"
she kinda nudges me
Me: semi slurred -"oh, ahh it was alright..did you know your tits are lop-sided?"
Her: "What did you just say?"
Me "That's why everyone was calling you lop-sided loosey earlier"
She just walked away...she pushed me over later that night while trying to do a kegstand and keyed the prelude...haven't seen her since.