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Something to Offend Everyone

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Havok, May 16, 2005.

  1. Havok

    Havok Senior Member

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    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan

    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    Doughnuts?

    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    45 lbs

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and
    husband?
    45 minutes

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    Because they have cotton balls.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
    Everyone has the same DNA.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.

    Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
    They named him "Sum Ting Wong

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
    They're hiring.

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

    Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
     
  2. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."

    :lol:
     
  3. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    :lmao:
     
  4. TWISTEDIMAGE

    TWISTEDIMAGE Senior Member

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  5. phunky.buddha

    phunky.buddha Admin with a big stick Admin VIP

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    Loved the first one

    Second one is more accurate with: Y'ain't gonna believe dis shit!

    I'm tall enough. :(
     
  6. Drake

    Drake Well-Known Member VIP

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    haha My instructor at school actually read that whole list to us. It was damn funny.
     
  7. K2e2vin

    K2e2vin Senior Member

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  8. Smonkeyboy

    Smonkeyboy Senior Member

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    ROFL, thats awesome.

    EDIT: this ones the best

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.
     
  9. xj0hnx

    xj0hnx I wanna be sedated VIP

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    Why are redneck murders so hard to solve?



    Because all the DNA's the same, and there's no dental records.
     
  10. dohcvtec_accord

    dohcvtec_accord WRX Sellout

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    Those jokes are right up my alley. :lol:
     
  11. tylonalsnifnfool

    tylonalsnifnfool Senior Member

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  12. StealthMode

    StealthMode Kung Foolin'

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    "What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag"

    I liked that one.
     
  13. 90 accord

    90 accord Chicks dig the box Moderator VIP

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    <<racist jokes, do not read if easily offended>>
    ( i swar i'm not racist though!)



    How do asain's name thier kids?
    drop a spoon down the stairs.. ching; chang, etc.

    why don't they let black baby's play in the sand box??
    cat's keep urying them.

    what do you call a pool fullof mexicans?
    bean dip

    what do you blindfold an asain person with?
    dental floss

    what's yellow and black and flies off a cliff?
    school buss fullof black people.

    whats an empty seat on that bus?
    a damn shame.

    what do you call a white person skydiving?
    a white cloud

    what do you call a black person skydiving?
    a black cloud

    what do you call a mexican skydiving?
    pollution.



    i'm not racist, i own a color t.v.
    i'm not racist, i hate everyone equally.


    that's all for now, i need sleep :)
     
  14. Smonkeyboy

    Smonkeyboy Senior Member

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    <<<RACIST JOKES ARE JUST THAT JOKES, DONT GET ALL MAD AND TAKE OFFENSE, THEY ARE ALL IN FUN>>>

    that aside, dont yell at me if you dont like them



    whats the difference between a pile of dead babys and a ferrari?
    i dont have a ferrari in my garage.

    how many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
    depend on how hard you throw them

    how do you put a baby into a blender?
    feet first so you can see its expression

    how do you get a baby out of a blender?
    with a straw

    why do you always get re-fried beans in mexico?
    ever seen a mexican do anything right the first time

    how do you get a one armed mexican out of a tree?
    wave to him

    whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
    pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven

    what did hitler say to the black jews?
    get in the back of the oven

    whats the difference between a hard working black man and bigfoot?
    bigfoots been spotted

    whats long black and smelly?
    the umemployment line

    (jacked from boondock saints)
    how many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    2, 1 to screw it in, and another wee little lesbian to suck my fuckin cock

    WHITE JOKES --- MY FAVORITE

    What's white and fourteen inches long?
    Absolutely nothing!

    What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
    The PGA tour.

    What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
    One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

    How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One, white men will screw anything.

    What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
    A white girl's ass!
     
  15. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    BAHAHAHAH OMFG LOL!!!
     
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