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Anyone who is well versed at writing that can edit my abstract?


This study will examine the life of Temujin [more commonly known as “Genghis Khan” or “Chingis Khan” (c. 1155-1227 C.E.)], and the immediate role religion and law had on his greatness. Beginning at birth to Yesugei and Hoelun, Genghis Khan clutched in his fist a small lump of blood the size of a knucklebone. From this point forward Genghis Khan’s life never encountered a dull spot. Quickly ascending the ranks in Mongol society, Genghis Khan’s quest to the top of the social ladder was not without hitch. As a Chieftain, Genghis Khan suffered defeat by other local Chieftains. After proving to be determined and un-relentless, Genghis Khan gained phenomenal success and contributed to the world greatly. He developed a set of laws and code of moral conduct that would be passed down from generation to generation. Uniquely he promoted religious tolerance and acceptance unlike any others of his time. Ruling with the word of God behind him, Genghis Khan built an empire that would not soon be forgotten. After his death in 1227, his sons continued on his quest to rule the world.

it would be greatly appreciated and probably paid for in porn
 
Originally posted by New2TheCarScene@Nov 9 2004, 01:42 PM
it would be greatly appreciated and probably paid for in porn
[post=414377]Quoted post[/post]​
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It's actually pretty damn good. Too bad, because I was looking forward to getting some porn in the mail for editing it.
 
Originally posted by dohcvtec_accord+Nov 9 2004, 03:44 PM-->
dohcvtec_accord @ Nov 9 2004 said:
New2TheCarScene
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dohcvtec_accord @ Nov 9 2004 said:
@Nov 9 2004, 01:42 PM
it would be greatly appreciated and probably paid for in porn
[post=414377]Quoted post[/post]​
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It's actually pretty damn good. Too bad, because I was looking forward to getting some porn in the mail for editing it.
[post=414379]Quoted post[/post]​
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Anything you see that needs to be looked over? In speach I'm fairly well versed but in writing its difficult for me to convey ideas because I convey them exactly how I see them in my head, which is not easily understood by many. I have cumbersome writing or some shit like that :(
 
Originally posted by New2TheCarScene@Nov 9 2004, 01:42 PM
Anyone who is well versed at writing that can edit my abstract?


This study will examine the life of Temujin [more commonly known as “Genghis Khan” or “Chingis Khan” (c. 1155-1227 C.E.)], and the immediate role religion and law had [should be played] on his greatness. Beginning at birth to Yesugei and Hoelun, Genghis Khan clutched in his fist a small lump of blood the size of a knucklebone. [wtf did I just read here?] From this point forward Genghis Khan’s life never encountered a dull spot. [I would put it, "From this point, Ghengis Khan's life was ever filled with action and adventure." or something] Quickly ascending the ranks in Mongol society, Genghis Khan’s quest to the top of the social ladder was not without hitch. As a Chieftain, Genghis Khan suffered defeat by other local Chieftains. After proving to be determined and un-relentless[s/b just relentless. un-relentless is a double negative], Genghis Khan gained phenomenal success [I would say, "Was a phenomenally succesful leader"] and contributed to the world greatly. He developed a set of laws and code of moral conduct that would be passed down from generation to generation. Uniquely he promoted religious tolerance and acceptance unlike any others of his time. Ruling with the word of God behind him, Genghis Khan built an empire that would not soon be forgotten. After his death in 1227, his sons continued on his quest to rule the world.

it would be greatly appreciated and probably paid for in porn
[post=414377]Quoted post[/post]​
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you have to look at the whole sentence.

"the role religion and law played <in> his greatness"

"role ... played"

sounds better than

"role ... had"

IMO anyway
 
This study will examine the life of Temujin [more commonly known as “Genghis Khan” or “Chingis Khan” (c. 1155-1227 C.E.)], and the immediate role religion and law played on his greatness. Beginning at birth to Yesugei and Hoelun, Genghis Khan entered the world as a terror, clutching in his fist a small lump of blood the size of a knucklebone. From this point forward Genghis Khan’s life never encountered a dull spot. Quickly ascending the ranks in Mongol society, Genghis Khan’s quest to the top of the social ladder was not without hitch. As a Chieftain, Genghis Khan suffered defeat by other local Chieftains. After proving to be determined and relentless, Genghis Khan was a phenomenally successful leader and contributed to the world greatly. He developed a set of laws and code of moral conduct that would be passed down from generation to generation. Uniquely he promoted religious tolerance and acceptance unlike any others of his time. Ruling with the word of God behind him, Genghis Khan built an empire that would not soon be forgotten. After his death in 1227, his sons continued on his quest to rule the world.


little bit of editing going with what you said, and fixing my retarded sentence about the knucklebone
 
Originally posted by New2TheCarScene@Nov 9 2004, 02:10 PM
This study will examine the life of Temujin [more commonly known as “Genghis Khan†or “Chingis Khan†(c. 1155-1227 C.E.)], and the immediate role religion and law played [in] his greatness.  Beginning at birth to Yesugei and Hoelun, Genghis Khan entered the world as a terror, clutching in his fist a small lump of blood the size of a knucklebone. [is the knucklebone thing really significant?] From this point forward Genghis Khan’s life never encountered a dull spot. [not liking the "dull spot" phrase. not phonetically friendly - sounds a little bit boring.] Quickly ascending the ranks in Mongol society, Genghis Khan’s quest to the top of the social ladder was not without hitch.  As a Chieftain, Genghis Khan suffered defeat by other local Chieftains.  After proving to be determined and relentless, Genghis Khan was a phenomenally successful leader and contributed to the world greatly.  He developed a set of laws and code of moral conduct that would be passed down from generation to generation.  Uniquely he promoted religious tolerance and acceptance unlike any others of his time.  Ruling with the word of God behind him, Genghis Khan built an empire that would not soon be forgotten.  After his death in 1227, his sons continued on his quest to rule the world.       


little bit of editing going with what you said, and fixing my retarded sentence about the knucklebone
[post=414390]Quoted post[/post]​
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Other than that, it's gewd.
 
Originally posted by Battle Pope+Nov 9 2004, 04:18 PM-->
Battle Pope @ Nov 9 2004 said:
New2TheCarScene
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Battle Pope @ Nov 9 2004 said:
@Nov 9 2004, 02:10 PM
This study will examine the life of Temujin [more commonly known as “Genghis Khan” or “Chingis Khan” (c. 1155-1227 C.E.)], and the immediate role religion and law played [in] his greatness. Beginning at birth to Yesugei and Hoelun, Genghis Khan entered the world as a terror, clutching in his fist a small lump of blood the size of a knucklebone. [is the knucklebone thing really significant?] From this point forward Genghis Khan’s life never encountered a dull spot. [not liking the "dull spot" phrase. not phonetically friendly - sounds a little bit boring.] Quickly ascending the ranks in Mongol society, Genghis Khan’s quest to the top of the social ladder was not without hitch. As a Chieftain, Genghis Khan suffered defeat by other local Chieftains. After proving to be determined and relentless, Genghis Khan was a phenomenally successful leader and contributed to the world greatly. He developed a set of laws and code of moral conduct that would be passed down from generation to generation. Uniquely he promoted religious tolerance and acceptance unlike any others of his time. Ruling with the word of God behind him, Genghis Khan built an empire that would not soon be forgotten. After his death in 1227, his sons continued on his quest to rule the world.


little bit of editing going with what you said, and fixing my retarded sentence about the knucklebone
[post=414390]Quoted post[/post]​
Click to expand...


Other than that, it's gewd.
[post=414393]Quoted post[/post]​
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Thanks. I left out 'the size of a knucklebone' and changed dull spot to 'lull'
 
Its going to be go time in about an hour. better get this shit all pulled together.
 
Originally posted by Battle Pope@Nov 9 2004, 02:44 PM
and where am teh pr0n :lol:
[post=414402]Quoted post[/post]​
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Step 1: Open KazaaLite
Step 2: Type in porn/pornstar/sex/threesome/blowjob/etc
Step 3: Download, download, download
Step 4: Well, I'm not goin there. :)
 
Nothing's WRONG with it, per say.. I just don't like it. Had to clean up too many messes for which it's bigger brother was directly responsible.

eDonkey's a filesharing program, but IMO it does multiple source downloading a lot more efficiently, so that's what I use for larger files.
 
Originally posted by Battle Pope@Nov 9 2004, 02:59 PM
Nothing's WRONG with it, per say.. I just don't like it. Had to clean up too many messes for which it's bigger brother was directly responsible.

eDonkey's a filesharing program, but IMO it does multiple source downloading a lot more efficiently, so that's what I use for larger files.
[post=414407]Quoted post[/post]​
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Hmmmm, I may have to try eDonkey out.

I have to say, I never tried Kazaa, and only had the stripped-down version. Never had any problems, but I know plenty who've had problems with Kazaa.
 
Yeah, eDonkey's pretty good. Plus, I usually find what I'm looking for pretty quickly on eDonkey when i can't find it anywhere else. <cough>episodes of shows on Adult Swim<cough>
 
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