ripped from craiglist: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/rnr/117135698.html
My wife has the least sexuality of anyone in the world. She wouldn't dare try anything new. My god, even the date when we are going to fool around is marked in her FiloFax. I know we are getting close when she hands me the todo list:
"OK, on Wednesday we will have marital relations. But that means on Monday I want you to wash the car after work."
I've never understood how that is relevant.
"On Tuesday, it has been 6 months, so you will need to change the hallway light bulbs again."
You know how they say you should change your smoke detector batteries on the day the clocks change? That is what my wife does with the hall light bulbs. Only she uses our bi-annual sexual encounter as her reminder. Note, the bulbs aren't even burned out, but she says why wait. Who does that?
"On Wednesday, we will have marital relations. That of course means no cooking dinner, so I'll need you to order the following items from Fiorellas and pick up on the way home...."
As the actual hour approaches, it gets worse:
- I must put the old blue sheets on the bed
- I must close all the blinds and the curtains
- I must light one vanilla candle and place the matches back in the match drawer
- I must turn down her side of the bed and layout the old green towel.
- I must place a large glass of water on her bedside table
- I must place the "sexual activity" wet naps on the floor next to the bed
Then the actual sex ritual begins:
- She comes out of her bathroom wearing a flannel robe
- Once she is standing at her side of the bed, I must double check that the front door is locked.
- When back in the bedroom, I must lock the bedroom door and place the old pink towel along the door bottom to block out and light from the hallway.
- Then I must turn off the bedroom lights and blow out the candle
- At this point, in total darkness, she will take off her robe and hand it to me.
- I am to fold the robe and place on the chair nearest her side of the bed
- Then I am to mount her in missionary position. She has already lubed herself in the bathroom.
- When I am ready to cum, I must reach down and get a wet nap and cum in it. She won't let me get the wet nap any sooner because she doesn't like the smell.
Afterwards:
- I must shower and put on pajamas.
- I must kiss her once on the lips
- I must make her breakfast the next morning
This has been the routine for the past 7 years. Would someone please have an affair with me?
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
117135698
