1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

today's dumb joke :P

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Feb 3, 2006.

  1. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

    They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

    The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."

    Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.






    The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
     
  2. StealthMode

    StealthMode Kung Foolin'

    Messages:
    2,150
    Likes Received:
    2
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2003
    Location:
    Thornton, CO
    [​IMG]
     
  3. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

    Messages:
    10,279
    Likes Received:
    60
    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2004
    Location:
    Southern Oregon Coast
    I hear the roflcopter coming in for a landing!
     
  4. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    21,969
    Likes Received:
    146
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2003
    I am that last guy line.
     
  5. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

    Messages:
    24,577
    Likes Received:
    696
    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Location:
    Central, MA
  6. ScrapinSi

    ScrapinSi Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,292
    Likes Received:
    4
    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
  7. ripperbone

    ripperbone angry bear

    Messages:
    3,173
    Likes Received:
    8
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2004
    Location:
    Oklahoma
  8. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

    Messages:
    5,361
    Likes Received:
    79
    Joined:
    May 5, 2003
    Location:
    DMV
    Seen it before somewhere. I think I read that in Stuff of FHM, or one of those manly magazines.

    Nonetheless, still funny as hell. [​IMG]
     
  9. importjdmcivic

    importjdmcivic Its the NUGE!

    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2004
    Location:
    Johnson City, TN
    Hahaha [​IMG] Nice. I would definitely be the guy making that wish.
     
  10. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

    Messages:
    24,577
    Likes Received:
    696
    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Location:
    Central, MA
    you're ugly arent you??
     
  11. importjdmcivic

    importjdmcivic Its the NUGE!

    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2004
    Location:
    Johnson City, TN
    I don't think im ugly. But i just have that sense of humor.

    My ass is ugly
     
  12. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

    "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

    He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


    And they say blondes are dumb...

    A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

    "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

    He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor


    A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

    The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

    A PRAYER....

    Dear Lord,

    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

    Love to forgive him;

    And Patience for his moods.

    Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

    I'll beat him to death.

    AMEN


    Q: Why do little boys whine?

    A: They are practicing to be men.

    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

    A: Trustworthy.

    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

    Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
    A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

    Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

    A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    Q: What is the difference between men and women?

    A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

    A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
     
  13. StealthMode

    StealthMode Kung Foolin'

    Messages:
    2,150
    Likes Received:
    2
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2003
    Location:
    Thornton, CO
    I've heard a few of them. But still funny. [​IMG]
     
  14. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

    Messages:
    9,392
    Likes Received:
    245
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    Location:
    New Jersey
    i think the majority of the people here are.
     
Verification:
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page